so?
i like looking lost if it leaves the opportunity for being found.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
blondie said it best
Call me call me any anytime
Call me for a ride
Call me call me for some overtime
Call me in my life
Call me call me in a sweet design
Call me call me for your lover's lover's alibi
Call me on the line
Call me call me any anytime
Call me
Oh, call me, ooh ooh ah.
Call me my love.
Call me, call me any anytime.
nation : i decided i wanna call people more often
nation : and they shoudl call me
nation : i dont like aim anymore
im reading this book about/by andy warhol, called, the philosophy of andy warhol.
in it, he talks about how he would get up in the morning and call someone. his friend who he is on the phone with, replies that she gets up and lays there waiting for the people she wants to call to call her.
i remember the time when i hated telephone calls. its not at all that i didnt like hearing from people that i cared about, i just really couldn't stand to pick up the phone and hear yet another sad telemarketer on the other end of the line. and it always was. and i didnt like telephones anymore.
and i prefered aim. because theres no dealing with telemarketers there.
but that was a long while ago. before i realized how much better i felt when i took the time to call someone to wish them a happy birthday. i like how i was really able to concentrate on you, what you were saying, and not have to switch between the relentless AIM boxes that i finally might have managed to neatly organize on my desktop.
plus
i really enjoyed hearing your voice/s.
so yesterday i got up
and i called allen, who i woke up, just like the good old days. (its so comforting to know that some things never change. )
so he was there lying in comforter heaven while i was lounging with my own blanket on my couch, and we were finally able to talk on the phone for a good hour like we used to. and i didnt have to worry about crappy reception because i could finally use my home phone agaaaaiiin.
(for those of you that dont have my home number btw... please ask me for it.)
and then i called naime. i swear i was on the phone with her the whole day. which was cool.
i was on aim a little earlier talking to a friend. we both decided to head off, and he said he'd see me later, either at the friday shindig, or online.
i said okay
BUT!
i shoulda said!
orrrr we can call eachother.
and thats that. =)
Call me for a ride
Call me call me for some overtime
Call me in my life
Call me call me in a sweet design
Call me call me for your lover's lover's alibi
Call me on the line
Call me call me any anytime
Call me
Oh, call me, ooh ooh ah.
Call me my love.
Call me, call me any anytime.
nation : i decided i wanna call people more often
nation : and they shoudl call me
nation : i dont like aim anymore
im reading this book about/by andy warhol, called, the philosophy of andy warhol.
in it, he talks about how he would get up in the morning and call someone. his friend who he is on the phone with, replies that she gets up and lays there waiting for the people she wants to call to call her.
i remember the time when i hated telephone calls. its not at all that i didnt like hearing from people that i cared about, i just really couldn't stand to pick up the phone and hear yet another sad telemarketer on the other end of the line. and it always was. and i didnt like telephones anymore.
and i prefered aim. because theres no dealing with telemarketers there.
but that was a long while ago. before i realized how much better i felt when i took the time to call someone to wish them a happy birthday. i like how i was really able to concentrate on you, what you were saying, and not have to switch between the relentless AIM boxes that i finally might have managed to neatly organize on my desktop.
plus
i really enjoyed hearing your voice/s.
so yesterday i got up
and i called allen, who i woke up, just like the good old days. (its so comforting to know that some things never change. )
so he was there lying in comforter heaven while i was lounging with my own blanket on my couch, and we were finally able to talk on the phone for a good hour like we used to. and i didnt have to worry about crappy reception because i could finally use my home phone agaaaaiiin.
(for those of you that dont have my home number btw... please ask me for it.)
and then i called naime. i swear i was on the phone with her the whole day. which was cool.
i was on aim a little earlier talking to a friend. we both decided to head off, and he said he'd see me later, either at the friday shindig, or online.
i said okay
BUT!
i shoulda said!
orrrr we can call eachother.
and thats that. =)
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
samiah's dream. strangely speaking. and that's how you get the girl.
so i was woken up at four:twenty this morning to the sound of my next door neighbor having sex with his girlfriend.
the girlfriend, our friend, was making all the noise.
maral you know who i'm talking about.
anyway.
i went back to sleep and got up two hours later to pray, enjoy the view from my window of a pink and purple sunrise, and study.
and write down what just appeared in my dream those two hours before i woke up.
before i get to that, i want to talk about the view from my window every (early) morning.
so a many blogs back, i posted maaaany pictures of the window of my room at home, and i talked about how i would miss it so much.
and i do.
but i'm pretty sure that when i go home in a few days, i'm definitely going to miss my window here at ucla. the one with a view.
around 6 am every morning, i can see out my window from my bed, and all i see is pretty much a pinkish sky. and then i get up, look out the entire window, and not only is it pink sky, its pink, fading into purple, and then underneath it all is the small ucla cityscape, all the buildings lighted through their windows.
i used to think the view was really great at night, when it was dark blue and all you could really see were the lights in the buildings and the silhouettes of buildings and trees.
and then maral came and informed me that i was sleeping the wrong way, plus i realized i was sleeping in the direction disrespectful to Mecca, so, I changed my ways.
and boyyy was i rewarded.
so i wake up, and ive discovered the REAL good view. the one when theres that slight contrast of morning light and electric lights. that sounds so dissonant. but its really not. i need to take some pictures.
alright.
my dream.
i woke up and wow. i coudldn't decide whether i was
a. very happy that i dreamed something so nice
b. very upset that it was a dream
c. very content that my mind has such a creative dream state
d. worried that i have weird bottled emotions inside that are attacking me in my dream state.
e. going to sleep a little more or just get the heck up.
anyway.
i really need to go eat lunch so im going to have to cut it a little shorter than i expected. hahah im so sorry.
basically in my dream, i'm hanging out in the classiest res hall study lounge ever. it was weird. because it was in rieber hall. rieber hall which is lovingly dubbed "the ghetto" by those who live here.
on sidenote, i really like living in rieber in its crummy state. i think the fact that we need to push our elevator doors closed ourselves gives rieber hall character. and all the people living in it.
so i was hanging out in some lush lounge. it wasnt even a study lounge it was like a recreational lounge that had nice things inside. moving on. this guy appears, who in my dream lives in another hall. apparently a friend of mine. and he hands me an asian pear. apparently it was an inside joke we had. and then he said to me, "do you wanna be taken out for dinner??" and apparently i had (im saying apparently a lot because these things are just becoming apparent to me) been waiting to eat dinner with this dude so i was like "yeahhhh!" and then he said, "well my friends are all waiting so go get dressed and then meet us!"
so then i went up to go get dressed.
a bunch of WEIRD THINGS went on in my dream when i was up in my room. one of these thigns being there was a girl hiding in my room from an RA from who knows where and then the RA knocked on my door and i peeped out the eyehole and it was an old woman and then the girl hiding in my room was like DONT OPEN IT ITS HER!
weeeird hahaha
ok.
so i got up to my room to get dressed, and i see that i have a voicemail on my phone.
so i listen
and its from the guy that im getting ready to go hang out/eat dinner with.
lemme tell you now
it was the sweetest, most beautiful voicemail any girl could ever hear from any guy, ever.
and it was in MY DREAM BITCHES!!!!
ahahaha
yeah.
which is also very weird because its ME. and i dont think about these things. so yeah it was weird. but when it was happening i really did not care. because his voicemail was BEAUTIFUL.
and im going to share it with you.
the thing is, after listenign to the voicemail, i texted the dude back, but for some weird reason i texted all these accidental weird things, and i started thinking, omg i hope this is a dream i hope this is a dream.
and then i woke up.
and then i grabbed a paper and wrote down all i could remember of the voicemail.
so here it is.
i realize. its going to sound ... not as beautiful. but it was.
because it was so simple. and honest. and straightforward. and i think thats beautiful.
"We're all meeting at 11. So I'll see you when you get here. Oh, and before dinner we're going to watch a movie.
I was wondering if during the movie I could sit near you.
After that, we're going to dinner, really casual. But I was thinking maybe after I sat near you in the movie, sometime later we could go eat somewhere a little more formal, you and i, ... or not, if you don't want to. it's okay. i'm okay if you just wanna keep it casual, but i just thought i'd ask.
So i'll see you at 11."
honestly.
boys could seriously take a lesson from this guy hahah.
aww.
arrite. lunch timeeee.
Currently listening :
The Papercut Chronicles
By Gym Class Heroes
Release date: 22 February, 2005
the girlfriend, our friend, was making all the noise.
maral you know who i'm talking about.
anyway.
i went back to sleep and got up two hours later to pray, enjoy the view from my window of a pink and purple sunrise, and study.
and write down what just appeared in my dream those two hours before i woke up.
before i get to that, i want to talk about the view from my window every (early) morning.
so a many blogs back, i posted maaaany pictures of the window of my room at home, and i talked about how i would miss it so much.
and i do.
but i'm pretty sure that when i go home in a few days, i'm definitely going to miss my window here at ucla. the one with a view.
around 6 am every morning, i can see out my window from my bed, and all i see is pretty much a pinkish sky. and then i get up, look out the entire window, and not only is it pink sky, its pink, fading into purple, and then underneath it all is the small ucla cityscape, all the buildings lighted through their windows.
i used to think the view was really great at night, when it was dark blue and all you could really see were the lights in the buildings and the silhouettes of buildings and trees.
and then maral came and informed me that i was sleeping the wrong way, plus i realized i was sleeping in the direction disrespectful to Mecca, so, I changed my ways.
and boyyy was i rewarded.
so i wake up, and ive discovered the REAL good view. the one when theres that slight contrast of morning light and electric lights. that sounds so dissonant. but its really not. i need to take some pictures.
alright.
my dream.
i woke up and wow. i coudldn't decide whether i was
a. very happy that i dreamed something so nice
b. very upset that it was a dream
c. very content that my mind has such a creative dream state
d. worried that i have weird bottled emotions inside that are attacking me in my dream state.
e. going to sleep a little more or just get the heck up.
anyway.
i really need to go eat lunch so im going to have to cut it a little shorter than i expected. hahah im so sorry.
basically in my dream, i'm hanging out in the classiest res hall study lounge ever. it was weird. because it was in rieber hall. rieber hall which is lovingly dubbed "the ghetto" by those who live here.
on sidenote, i really like living in rieber in its crummy state. i think the fact that we need to push our elevator doors closed ourselves gives rieber hall character. and all the people living in it.
so i was hanging out in some lush lounge. it wasnt even a study lounge it was like a recreational lounge that had nice things inside. moving on. this guy appears, who in my dream lives in another hall. apparently a friend of mine. and he hands me an asian pear. apparently it was an inside joke we had. and then he said to me, "do you wanna be taken out for dinner??" and apparently i had (im saying apparently a lot because these things are just becoming apparent to me) been waiting to eat dinner with this dude so i was like "yeahhhh!" and then he said, "well my friends are all waiting so go get dressed and then meet us!"
so then i went up to go get dressed.
a bunch of WEIRD THINGS went on in my dream when i was up in my room. one of these thigns being there was a girl hiding in my room from an RA from who knows where and then the RA knocked on my door and i peeped out the eyehole and it was an old woman and then the girl hiding in my room was like DONT OPEN IT ITS HER!
weeeird hahaha
ok.
so i got up to my room to get dressed, and i see that i have a voicemail on my phone.
so i listen
and its from the guy that im getting ready to go hang out/eat dinner with.
lemme tell you now
it was the sweetest, most beautiful voicemail any girl could ever hear from any guy, ever.
and it was in MY DREAM BITCHES!!!!
ahahaha
yeah.
which is also very weird because its ME. and i dont think about these things. so yeah it was weird. but when it was happening i really did not care. because his voicemail was BEAUTIFUL.
and im going to share it with you.
the thing is, after listenign to the voicemail, i texted the dude back, but for some weird reason i texted all these accidental weird things, and i started thinking, omg i hope this is a dream i hope this is a dream.
and then i woke up.
and then i grabbed a paper and wrote down all i could remember of the voicemail.
so here it is.
i realize. its going to sound ... not as beautiful. but it was.
because it was so simple. and honest. and straightforward. and i think thats beautiful.
"We're all meeting at 11. So I'll see you when you get here. Oh, and before dinner we're going to watch a movie.
I was wondering if during the movie I could sit near you.
After that, we're going to dinner, really casual. But I was thinking maybe after I sat near you in the movie, sometime later we could go eat somewhere a little more formal, you and i, ... or not, if you don't want to. it's okay. i'm okay if you just wanna keep it casual, but i just thought i'd ask.
So i'll see you at 11."
honestly.
boys could seriously take a lesson from this guy hahah.
aww.
arrite. lunch timeeee.
Currently listening :
The Papercut Chronicles
By Gym Class Heroes
Release date: 22 February, 2005
Sunday, December 10, 2006
beatlemania
i finally bought the beatles abbey road poster.
but this was a week ago.
yesterday, my parents came to visit me.
we were just in my room, talking, eating, and then my dad looks up and says,
"that's a really good poster you got there"
that meant a lot to me.
i'm not sure why, i'm really not, but i felt really content when he shared that.
and then my mom pointed out how paul mccartney was walking barefoot. and we all started talking about his sad divorce. and stupid yoko ono.
and ive said it before, but i'm definitely going to say it again,
thank goodness for the beatles.
but this was a week ago.
yesterday, my parents came to visit me.
we were just in my room, talking, eating, and then my dad looks up and says,
"that's a really good poster you got there"
that meant a lot to me.
i'm not sure why, i'm really not, but i felt really content when he shared that.
and then my mom pointed out how paul mccartney was walking barefoot. and we all started talking about his sad divorce. and stupid yoko ono.
and ive said it before, but i'm definitely going to say it again,
thank goodness for the beatles.
Friday, December 8, 2006
more instances of my college life and other miscellaneous stream of consciousness.
in other words, listen to me procrastinate.
yesterday i was in powell library trying to learn math. and i kept taking mental breaks of about five seconds to just think of things other than math. i realized i really dont like math. but i love science. biology physics. chem...eh not so much.
anyway.
so i have a history of modern thought class, which is the most boring class i have ever been in so far. however, it is fun because i sit with two of my favorite people, pat and kyle. and we make it fun by passing notes, playing hangman, and writing stories.
the way we write stories is like this.
first kyle writes a word. then pat writes a word. and then i write a word. and then we repeat.
the funny part is that they love writing things about ... well, i guess what every college level horny guy likes to write about.
except theyre not even... "horny". but i think they like to write stuff like that because they think i am prudish and they do it just to get a rise out of me. which they get sometimes hahah. but i'm a good sport. and kyle loves it because i try so hard to keep it clean, pg status. its just funny for them. and when we read the story at the end of class, its funny for me too.
umm...
so that class is located in deneve, a building through which there is another "building" i guess (a complex? i dunno what to call it at this point), in which some of my friends live.
usually after my class in de neve i'll go up to the other building, dykstra, to visit my friends that live there.
this is a really lame story by the way im warning you now haha.
so for a couple of my friends i used to make them random things during my very boring lecture. and i hadnt done anything in a long time, plus writing the story with kyle and pat wasnt occupying my time enough, so i decided to make another random thing for the dykstrans.
i wanted to make a portable high five. except i never got around to making it as cool as it sounds because i am a perfectionist and every time i traced my hand it looked unsatisfactory. hahah. plus i was trying to do neat calligraphy on it and i kept trying to color it in with pen and i dunno it just wasnt working out for whatever reason.
anyway.
so i kept drawing hand after hand. trace hand, flip page. trace hand again. draw an H, get pissed off, turn page, add word to kyle and pat's story, trace hand again, this time write an h and an i, flip page, add word to story, make angry face and kyle and pat, and trace hand again.
so this was all wednesday.
so YESTERDAY, when i was studying in powell, i pulled out my notebook, the one with a billion hands in it now hahah.
i flipped to a clean page, started doing math. and then, all of a sudden this thought came into my mind. it was something i had said to my roommate a night ago when she came back after watching her brother's jazz band performance. something very honest and true. "Musicians are my favorite."
you know me? then you know they are. =p
so, i dont know why except that i thought it was a good idea, i flipped to one of the hands i had drawn, and on the first line inside that hand, i wrote, musicians are my favorite.
and then i kept on reading about lagrange error bound or something like that.
and then a while later i remembered something that crossed my mind last weekend when i was sipping apple cider while listening to my friend talk pretty loudly.
and then i wrote it down next to the first line i had written in the little hand. "i prefer low voices and intimate settings."
and then i did more math.
and by the time i left the library my little hand was full.
so here is what it says. random stuff about me. and it has a lot to do with me hating math. i wonder why.
musicians are my favorite. I prefer low voices and intimate settings. In a man, I value morals and social graces. I like taking breaks to look around at the people near me. I do not use my Yves Saint Laurent sunglasses nearly enough. Any writing of words or phrases in math homework I think has been the only real thing to invoke sheer annoyance in me. It's just disgusting. The two should not be mixed. I have realized he and I cannot be lovers. I am passive aggressive towards the study of mathematics. I hate it. This should explain why the F-word is so omnipresent on my math homework. Boys are weak. If I could get a tattoo it would be of the word "Whatever", encompassing everything I am and everything I'm not.
so thats that
my boys are weak comment. thats something i would not normally say. because i just usually dont think that way. i dont like it. but i happened to think it at powell library. maybe a guy was holding less books than his girlfriend or something... =p and if i really had to get a word tattooed on me, itd prolly be... strokes. hahah.
i love you guys.
btw
today i would like to thank:
rod, arsham, maral, aida, rachel halper, ASHLEY, and adanna for being amazingly beautiful people. and pat and kyle =p
and sarah for always being so good at pretending that im decent looking. hahah i love you kid now lets kill em.
yesterday i was in powell library trying to learn math. and i kept taking mental breaks of about five seconds to just think of things other than math. i realized i really dont like math. but i love science. biology physics. chem...eh not so much.
anyway.
so i have a history of modern thought class, which is the most boring class i have ever been in so far. however, it is fun because i sit with two of my favorite people, pat and kyle. and we make it fun by passing notes, playing hangman, and writing stories.
the way we write stories is like this.
first kyle writes a word. then pat writes a word. and then i write a word. and then we repeat.
the funny part is that they love writing things about ... well, i guess what every college level horny guy likes to write about.
except theyre not even... "horny". but i think they like to write stuff like that because they think i am prudish and they do it just to get a rise out of me. which they get sometimes hahah. but i'm a good sport. and kyle loves it because i try so hard to keep it clean, pg status. its just funny for them. and when we read the story at the end of class, its funny for me too.
umm...
so that class is located in deneve, a building through which there is another "building" i guess (a complex? i dunno what to call it at this point), in which some of my friends live.
usually after my class in de neve i'll go up to the other building, dykstra, to visit my friends that live there.
this is a really lame story by the way im warning you now haha.
so for a couple of my friends i used to make them random things during my very boring lecture. and i hadnt done anything in a long time, plus writing the story with kyle and pat wasnt occupying my time enough, so i decided to make another random thing for the dykstrans.
i wanted to make a portable high five. except i never got around to making it as cool as it sounds because i am a perfectionist and every time i traced my hand it looked unsatisfactory. hahah. plus i was trying to do neat calligraphy on it and i kept trying to color it in with pen and i dunno it just wasnt working out for whatever reason.
anyway.
so i kept drawing hand after hand. trace hand, flip page. trace hand again. draw an H, get pissed off, turn page, add word to kyle and pat's story, trace hand again, this time write an h and an i, flip page, add word to story, make angry face and kyle and pat, and trace hand again.
so this was all wednesday.
so YESTERDAY, when i was studying in powell, i pulled out my notebook, the one with a billion hands in it now hahah.
i flipped to a clean page, started doing math. and then, all of a sudden this thought came into my mind. it was something i had said to my roommate a night ago when she came back after watching her brother's jazz band performance. something very honest and true. "Musicians are my favorite."
you know me? then you know they are. =p
so, i dont know why except that i thought it was a good idea, i flipped to one of the hands i had drawn, and on the first line inside that hand, i wrote, musicians are my favorite.
and then i kept on reading about lagrange error bound or something like that.
and then a while later i remembered something that crossed my mind last weekend when i was sipping apple cider while listening to my friend talk pretty loudly.
and then i wrote it down next to the first line i had written in the little hand. "i prefer low voices and intimate settings."
and then i did more math.
and by the time i left the library my little hand was full.
so here is what it says. random stuff about me. and it has a lot to do with me hating math. i wonder why.
musicians are my favorite. I prefer low voices and intimate settings. In a man, I value morals and social graces. I like taking breaks to look around at the people near me. I do not use my Yves Saint Laurent sunglasses nearly enough. Any writing of words or phrases in math homework I think has been the only real thing to invoke sheer annoyance in me. It's just disgusting. The two should not be mixed. I have realized he and I cannot be lovers. I am passive aggressive towards the study of mathematics. I hate it. This should explain why the F-word is so omnipresent on my math homework. Boys are weak. If I could get a tattoo it would be of the word "Whatever", encompassing everything I am and everything I'm not.
so thats that
my boys are weak comment. thats something i would not normally say. because i just usually dont think that way. i dont like it. but i happened to think it at powell library. maybe a guy was holding less books than his girlfriend or something... =p and if i really had to get a word tattooed on me, itd prolly be... strokes. hahah.
i love you guys.
btw
today i would like to thank:
rod, arsham, maral, aida, rachel halper, ASHLEY, and adanna for being amazingly beautiful people. and pat and kyle =p
and sarah for always being so good at pretending that im decent looking. hahah i love you kid now lets kill em.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
sparknotes part II
Mankind became more settled. Nations eventually formed. Conjugal love increased, as did ideas of merit and preference. Jealousy eventually developed together with love, and discord triumphs. Songs and dances in villages led to comparison amongst people. This was the beginning of inequality and vice. As soon as men began to appreciate each other, civility and consideration became important. Contempt for another became a serious offense. This is the state of contemporary savage peoples, which makes people think that man is naturally cruel and needs political order to survive. In reality, nothing is as gentle as natural man.
jean-jacques rousseau as retold by the masterful writers behind sparknotes. "Discourse on the Origin of Inequality."
*the last sparknotes post was originally by Jack Kerouac as retold by some other masterful writers of sparknotes. "On the Road."
jean-jacques rousseau as retold by the masterful writers behind sparknotes. "Discourse on the Origin of Inequality."
*the last sparknotes post was originally by Jack Kerouac as retold by some other masterful writers of sparknotes. "On the Road."
Friday, November 17, 2006
sparknotes
"The sentences attain a breathless quality, skillfully embodying the excitement and motion of the characters and events (for an example, see the 150-word sentence describing Dean working as a parking-lot attendant). In a more sober interpretation, the language is sometimes elegiac, suggesting Sal's nostalgia for a past that is irretrievably gone."
Friday, November 10, 2006
...because the remedy
"flow"
or is it called "scatting"
because i really dont know how to spell "baddup badoobadoo, lalalala, mamase mamase mamakusa..." haha which is what im listening to at the moment. its one tab over on mozilla, next to the one i have open to "myspace.com", the youtube video that i've been watching. jason mraz. eight minutes and thirty one seconds. its still playing.... "mamase mamase mamakusa"
this guy is crazy. you know crazy? like gooood crazy. i really want to say he's crazy like how i am crazy. but i think its just very obnoxious of me to think that i could be as crazy/cool as this guy is.
i am home and i need to be studying for my math midterm and rewriting a paper asking me to include "the state of nature" which i clearly didnt include the first time around for a reason. because i dont know how. and once again, i STILL don't know. -_-
there are certain things that i always have with me.
my jouuurnal would be one of those things. every time i go home, i bring it with me. and then i bring it back to ucla with me. i havent written in it in a long time. i miss him and he misses me. one time i told my friend that i realize how these days people's computers are like boxes that contain a significant amount of their life. your life in a box. you know, music, photos, papers, whatever. lots of things. of course not everything. if your whole life could be put into a box, i'm not sure. would i be very sorry for you or very envious of you? either way its an extreme i'd rather not get into. and i digress...
well my life is almost compressed into my journal. which has a name. which i cannot disclose to you unless i love you.
its like my soul resides in that thing. almost. i am being so vague.
i have another journal type book thing. its not as pretty as the one that carries my soul haha. its those black composition books you can probably buy for 65 cents at say, big lots. not that it makes that journal any less important.
i dunno why but it feels very weird for me to say that i write, or well, i used to write a lot of poems and songs and things of that nature. if you couldn't tell from all the times i posted them haha. not only ones by me but other more important poets. and songs. big fan.
i havent exactly stopped haha, i dont think any of the people that start something like this, stop. hmmm if you were to look through any of my notes, from math from chem from history of modern thought (yeah the stupid class in which i do not understand what state of nature is and therefore cannot write a betterthandecent paper for.... !!), i think you would find that i doodle a lot.
its not the picture doodling, lemme make a sketch of what my professor looks like today doodling, lol. although i used to do that too. its more that i always have songs stuck in my head and they always get doodled onto my notes. and i love having them there because say, right now when im studying for math, to the left of a delta-epsilon proof (yeah it is as ugly as it sounds.) it says, "like dough- dough i like- boys call me when they feel freaky hot" ... ahaha.. uffie -"pop the glock". fun song. look her up on myspace. (http://www.myspace.com/uffie) so i see that and it makes studying a liiiiiittttllleeeee more enjoyable.
i also write down lines that happen to cross my mind and sound good. you know. like. "the fly went by". hahah just kidding. i also write down stuff that makes me happy. i gave you the list in another blog. yeah. somewhere in my notes you can find all of those little thigns that made me happy. messier and shorter . i elaborate usually when im writing blogs that i want to be fully comprehensible and enjoyable. kind of like im not doing now..
other people say things and write them down too. apparently my math professor said that "there are a certain magical things that happen in 32B". haha that was really cute. oh well sucks for me, i miss the magic. no way am i taking 32b.
so. around tenth grade i was super into writing. well. i was super into writing songs in.. i think 8th grade because i really liked a boy and when you like people these things seem to become really easy. they are really funny and embarrassing songs. buuuut. they're entertaining in .. an embarrassing way i think. sarah has seen them. sarah told me they were good. she STILL says the stuff i write is good. sarah. you are a good friend. hahah.
okay okay.
so that black composition book. it says dont touch all over it and basically it has a bunch of stuff that i just WRITE in it. i used to bring that with me all the time too along with my other journal. but then i stopped.
so now you might be anticipating some poignant and symbolic revelation as to why i stopped bringing it.
no i dont really think there is one.
=P
the thing is, i bought that journal so i could start collecting my more "creative" thoughts into one place. but i realize it just doesnt happen like that. usually something will pop into my head when im somewhere without that book. so i'll have to write it on say, my agenda. which is okay. because then it makes looking through my agenda more fun too. hahah.
so now that book has kind of turned into a folder where i put my scraps of paper, that i havent lost, in.
scraps of paper all up in my room and post its with one liners that i really dont know what to do with. id like to collect them all one day and shove them into a song and see how it sounds and if maybe it means anything after that. sometimes i think thats what emily dickinson did. no one ever knows what the hell she is talking about.
i think i want to take the seminar about her next quarter.
so anyway. sometimes im serious and sometimes im not. but im always inspired. and i think that is what makes me a crazy person. but it hasnt really bothered anyone yet and i really hope it doesnt, because hey, maybe you are the one inspiring me. i would be very sorry if you were bothered.
so. first thing on my list of silly things i have been meaning to do but still havent gotten around to doing:
writing and ODE to CHARLES*.
charlie you are beautiful
charlie you are great
charlie you are an individual
but your purple shorts.. ashley hates
to look at
but i dont
because you pull them off
like you do with the bandana in your hair
that is golden and streaked to a lopsided bedheaded perfection and its LONG and thats maybe why i love it so much
but you are a spectacle in the least spectacle of ways
you are a natural you are a natural when it comes to making all my days
because you are you and i can spot you from more than a mile away
except that time you walked right by me and all rachel had to say
was
"samiah charlie just walked by you"
and that was enough to make my head flip a 180 in less than a nanosecond thatd even make tony hawk jealous. yeah in less than a nanosecond. or should i say picosecond because thats even smaller.
i know i dont want to be your girlfriend charlie actually i just want to be you
but no i dont because then you wouldnt be the only you the only charlie and that is why i like you so
hahaha
nooot gonna lie that is probably the best worst (or worst best) (or just worst) thing ihave written in my life! =D but it makes me happy. but it stinks especially because i didnt even talk about how charlie is just like this being that radiates with I AM ME and hell ya you know it AND THE SUN RISES FOR ME BUT I DONT KNOW IT BUT DAM IS THAT WHY MY HAIR ALWAYS LOOKS SO GOOD? and blah blah ok seriously. this guy that im talking about. he is INTENSE. he dosnt LOOK intense. he looks like, a hipster hahaha. but i can feel it. hes intense. i dont even know what to say about him that is how intense he is. but he must really know who he is man becuase he wore a red tank top with purple shorts once (i missed out, ashley informed me) and i mean, you have to know who you are if you are going to do that. im not saying you only know who you are if you do that. not what i meant at all. i dunno. charlie. hes not a guy i like or have a crush on. hes someone that greatly intrigues me because of how i feel like his presence is always so made known to me. to me? to everyone? i dont know. but im intrigued. charlie is just charlie and now i have to go back and change his name to something else because if he ever found this it would be quite embarrassing.
ok so thats enough about *CHARLES.
new topic.
When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why...
because my middle name is rowshan and that means bright/light.
hahaha.
!
those three lines have been the theme of my life this past week. i tell ya.
but i cant tell ya any more about it. except that the last time i felt like this was probably, 8th grade. =)
or is it called "scatting"
because i really dont know how to spell "baddup badoobadoo, lalalala, mamase mamase mamakusa..." haha which is what im listening to at the moment. its one tab over on mozilla, next to the one i have open to "myspace.com", the youtube video that i've been watching. jason mraz. eight minutes and thirty one seconds. its still playing.... "mamase mamase mamakusa"
this guy is crazy. you know crazy? like gooood crazy. i really want to say he's crazy like how i am crazy. but i think its just very obnoxious of me to think that i could be as crazy/cool as this guy is.
i am home and i need to be studying for my math midterm and rewriting a paper asking me to include "the state of nature" which i clearly didnt include the first time around for a reason. because i dont know how. and once again, i STILL don't know. -_-
there are certain things that i always have with me.
my jouuurnal would be one of those things. every time i go home, i bring it with me. and then i bring it back to ucla with me. i havent written in it in a long time. i miss him and he misses me. one time i told my friend that i realize how these days people's computers are like boxes that contain a significant amount of their life. your life in a box. you know, music, photos, papers, whatever. lots of things. of course not everything. if your whole life could be put into a box, i'm not sure. would i be very sorry for you or very envious of you? either way its an extreme i'd rather not get into. and i digress...
well my life is almost compressed into my journal. which has a name. which i cannot disclose to you unless i love you.
its like my soul resides in that thing. almost. i am being so vague.
i have another journal type book thing. its not as pretty as the one that carries my soul haha. its those black composition books you can probably buy for 65 cents at say, big lots. not that it makes that journal any less important.
i dunno why but it feels very weird for me to say that i write, or well, i used to write a lot of poems and songs and things of that nature. if you couldn't tell from all the times i posted them haha. not only ones by me but other more important poets. and songs. big fan.
i havent exactly stopped haha, i dont think any of the people that start something like this, stop. hmmm if you were to look through any of my notes, from math from chem from history of modern thought (yeah the stupid class in which i do not understand what state of nature is and therefore cannot write a betterthandecent paper for.... !!), i think you would find that i doodle a lot.
its not the picture doodling, lemme make a sketch of what my professor looks like today doodling, lol. although i used to do that too. its more that i always have songs stuck in my head and they always get doodled onto my notes. and i love having them there because say, right now when im studying for math, to the left of a delta-epsilon proof (yeah it is as ugly as it sounds.) it says, "like dough- dough i like- boys call me when they feel freaky hot" ... ahaha.. uffie -"pop the glock". fun song. look her up on myspace. (http://www.myspace.com/uffie) so i see that and it makes studying a liiiiiittttllleeeee more enjoyable.
i also write down lines that happen to cross my mind and sound good. you know. like. "the fly went by". hahah just kidding. i also write down stuff that makes me happy. i gave you the list in another blog. yeah. somewhere in my notes you can find all of those little thigns that made me happy. messier and shorter . i elaborate usually when im writing blogs that i want to be fully comprehensible and enjoyable. kind of like im not doing now..
other people say things and write them down too. apparently my math professor said that "there are a certain magical things that happen in 32B". haha that was really cute. oh well sucks for me, i miss the magic. no way am i taking 32b.
so. around tenth grade i was super into writing. well. i was super into writing songs in.. i think 8th grade because i really liked a boy and when you like people these things seem to become really easy. they are really funny and embarrassing songs. buuuut. they're entertaining in .. an embarrassing way i think. sarah has seen them. sarah told me they were good. she STILL says the stuff i write is good. sarah. you are a good friend. hahah.
okay okay.
so that black composition book. it says dont touch all over it and basically it has a bunch of stuff that i just WRITE in it. i used to bring that with me all the time too along with my other journal. but then i stopped.
so now you might be anticipating some poignant and symbolic revelation as to why i stopped bringing it.
no i dont really think there is one.
=P
the thing is, i bought that journal so i could start collecting my more "creative" thoughts into one place. but i realize it just doesnt happen like that. usually something will pop into my head when im somewhere without that book. so i'll have to write it on say, my agenda. which is okay. because then it makes looking through my agenda more fun too. hahah.
so now that book has kind of turned into a folder where i put my scraps of paper, that i havent lost, in.
scraps of paper all up in my room and post its with one liners that i really dont know what to do with. id like to collect them all one day and shove them into a song and see how it sounds and if maybe it means anything after that. sometimes i think thats what emily dickinson did. no one ever knows what the hell she is talking about.
i think i want to take the seminar about her next quarter.
so anyway. sometimes im serious and sometimes im not. but im always inspired. and i think that is what makes me a crazy person. but it hasnt really bothered anyone yet and i really hope it doesnt, because hey, maybe you are the one inspiring me. i would be very sorry if you were bothered.
so. first thing on my list of silly things i have been meaning to do but still havent gotten around to doing:
writing and ODE to CHARLES*.
charlie you are beautiful
charlie you are great
charlie you are an individual
but your purple shorts.. ashley hates
to look at
but i dont
because you pull them off
like you do with the bandana in your hair
that is golden and streaked to a lopsided bedheaded perfection and its LONG and thats maybe why i love it so much
but you are a spectacle in the least spectacle of ways
you are a natural you are a natural when it comes to making all my days
because you are you and i can spot you from more than a mile away
except that time you walked right by me and all rachel had to say
was
"samiah charlie just walked by you"
and that was enough to make my head flip a 180 in less than a nanosecond thatd even make tony hawk jealous. yeah in less than a nanosecond. or should i say picosecond because thats even smaller.
i know i dont want to be your girlfriend charlie actually i just want to be you
but no i dont because then you wouldnt be the only you the only charlie and that is why i like you so
hahaha
nooot gonna lie that is probably the best worst (or worst best) (or just worst) thing ihave written in my life! =D but it makes me happy. but it stinks especially because i didnt even talk about how charlie is just like this being that radiates with I AM ME and hell ya you know it AND THE SUN RISES FOR ME BUT I DONT KNOW IT BUT DAM IS THAT WHY MY HAIR ALWAYS LOOKS SO GOOD? and blah blah ok seriously. this guy that im talking about. he is INTENSE. he dosnt LOOK intense. he looks like, a hipster hahaha. but i can feel it. hes intense. i dont even know what to say about him that is how intense he is. but he must really know who he is man becuase he wore a red tank top with purple shorts once (i missed out, ashley informed me) and i mean, you have to know who you are if you are going to do that. im not saying you only know who you are if you do that. not what i meant at all. i dunno. charlie. hes not a guy i like or have a crush on. hes someone that greatly intrigues me because of how i feel like his presence is always so made known to me. to me? to everyone? i dont know. but im intrigued. charlie is just charlie and now i have to go back and change his name to something else because if he ever found this it would be quite embarrassing.
ok so thats enough about *CHARLES.
new topic.
When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why...
because my middle name is rowshan and that means bright/light.
hahaha.
!
those three lines have been the theme of my life this past week. i tell ya.
but i cant tell ya any more about it. except that the last time i felt like this was probably, 8th grade. =)
Saturday, October 28, 2006
"and then one led to like ten more, because it was like 'oh, that was easy'..."
anyway. that was what kyle had to say about his first kiss. and i thought it was cute.
Monday, October 9, 2006
"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world" (natalie portman pic included with this post)
"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it"
alllllright. so i think i have some more to share about COLLEGE. so i will. if you missed out on my other experiences so far, they are in the blog with the other relaly long title. something about reading is sexy. i think it was interesting because it involved alcohol and that seems to perk everyone up. hahaha.
there are a lot of very little things that have been making me very happy recently. i really like it because every day i have like one more little thing to add to my list of "beautiful little things that make me overly happy for whatever reason". i'm not sure if that has to do with college, or ucla, because im sure the things that i have on my list can very well be found in other parts of the world, right when you step out into it. i think the thing i like about college is that its kind of a refined version of the world at large. a microcosm. anyway, so here is a list i have compiled so far in the margin of my math and chemistry notes of things that i just find so beautiful. like i saw them and i just felt all HAPPY. i think now i understand why i liked the movie "american beauty" so much. i told my friend that i was like... what is this! a movie made for samiah!?! because there really is just "so much beauty" !!!! aghhh i cant contain it.
things that make/have made me really happy in the last couple of weeks:
- the way my math professor has his lecture notes in one of those very collegiate writing tablets that you flip vertically (with the binding on top). they're usually yellow but his is white. i just love seeing it sit on his desk and then i love it when he flips it vertically. the pages are always so delicate looking but full of insight... which makes them beautiful but also very daunting. i think its just very cute in general how that is what/how my professor writes his lecture notes.
-there is this guy at ucla who is always doing stunts and flips and walking with his hands up stair rails on his hands and just doing crazy things without a shirt on. he is a student i think. but anyway. so one day i was walking back up to class and i saw him having a conversation with another person, and then another guy just kinda went by on a skateboard. the guy on the skateboard waved to the stunt-boy, the stunt-boy smiled and waved back, "hey!" End of story. but that scene just really made me so happy.
-there is this tall skinny white boy in my math class. he is also in my discussion for math. so the story here is, i have noticed, as im sure all of you have, everyone seems to have such a fascination or obsession with accents. iiii... dont really go head over heels for accents. they amuse me, they're cool, just, for me it is much more about your voice than your accent. okay. so the bigger story here is, people always think accents have to be something "exotic" or european. welllll, today i head the tall skinny guy speak in class. He has the most sheer surfer dude californian accent. and he uses it to ask questions about multivariable calculus, and it TURNS ME ON. duuuude. =P
-the really pretty girl who was standing outside the math lecture hall waiting to go in. she was reading the math book like no other. like. seriously. who the heck thinks that north campus girls are what its all about?! cause theyre noooooot. seriously. seeing her made me very happy. hahaha.
-the guy across the aisle from me today in chemistry. he looks so... east coast college kid. he kinda looks like the guy elle woods ends up marrying in legally blonde (which was shot at ucla! hahaha) except i think this guy has better hair than the movie guy. anyway. its not really about the guy. its about how under his seat, he placed his big messenger back type "backpack", and from it i could see his beanie peeking out of it.
yeah i dont know why. but a beanie peeking out of a messenger back just really made my day.
alright so moving on with my college stories. today i was having lunch with rod, and i just had the urge to say to him, "there are so many interesting people here! everywhere. i'm just surrounded by interesting people."
and of course rod replies the usual rod way, which is, "yes i know samiah. you're surrounded by interesting people in your math class, your chem class, eating lunch with you..." he was talking about himself. hahahah. rod rod rod.
alright. so what happens next is, there is a girl eating just one seat down from me. shes eating a chicken pot pie, and rod wants one. so he asks. excuse me. where did you get that? and then she tells us. and then she asks us if we're first years. and we say yes. and then we start talking to her. and she asks us where we're from. and we say diamond bar. and she doesnt know where that is. i ask her if shes from northern california. she says.. kind of maybe.. (im like what...?) and i say db is southern california (all of a sudden i smell chicken pot pie in my room btw...hahaha) and rod says its 40 miles away. and then we ask her where she's from.
paris.
and shes lived in singapore, and beijing, and shanghai, and australia, and new zealand, and and and and and......
!
her parents have to move a lot for their work. she doesnt always know where her parents are. because they're always in some new continent. and she's been in boarding school all her life. she is a math-econ major becaues she is asian hahah, but shes trying to get into the film school here (its like third in the nation). shes a second year, she took a leave of absence her first year to go film a documentary for mTV about high altitude animals. they shot that in... south africa, and then the high altitude part was shot in tibet.
yeah.
remember how i said, im surrounded by interesting people!!!!
i wasnt kidding.
when she left, i looked at rod and i said that same thing. and he just exploded and said I WAS JUST THINKING THAT! I was like SAMIAH we were just talking about this!
and seriously, she was only a SEAT DOWN from me.
you never know people. you never never never know people.
and im not saying that she would have been any less interesting if she didnt have that story, everyone is interesting and thats the truth of the matter. but i just found it so ironic that i had just been telling rod how we're surrounded by interesting people (which is inevitable in life based on how i said everyone is interesting) and then the girl right next to us just happened to be full of these very unique experiences! hahaha. LIFE!
and then rod told me about how one of his floormate's dad is alike a major film producer and how the guy basically gets to hang out with denzel washington and natalie portman on the weekends.
and then i made a face.
and then he was like do you not like natalie portman?
i say, "no."
and then he says why?
and then i tell him. and i must have gotten very very passionate about it because then rod started waving his hands and saying, "i take it back! i made a mistake of telling you he hangs with with natalie portman! calm down!" and he kept laughing at me. why are passionate people always so FUNNY!? gosh.
anyway.
do you guys remember this?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
your turn
so i think i've told you about how random thoughts occur to me and then i write them down and lose them haha.
well, two thoughts have occured to me recently. i was talking to people and then it just kind of popped into my head. they came in sentences.
buuuut im not gonna tell you
but i will give you the beginnings of the sentences and then i think you can fill them in as you see fit in your own scheme of things as they pertain to you. i'd really like to know how you would fill these sentences in
ok?
ok
I've never met someone who wasn't _____________ .
I will never question ____________.
thanks boobs.
(boobs is my nickname for a bunch of people in general that i care about and am close enough with to call boobs. its not referring to "boobs". its just a noise. boobs. and yes its probably referring to you and i care what you have to say. sosayit!)
=)
remember that??
so if you havent figured it out already. these are what my blanks were and have alwyas been:
I've never met someone who wasn't interesting, or with a story to tell.
I will never question your ability to make me happy. (yeah i was thinking of someone with that.)
alright.
oh. theres this other thing.
from wayyyy back when. but since i mentioned natalie now i might as well put it up hahah.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
umm. so i'm sure you all know how i DON'T LIKE NATALIE PORTMAN.
so i almost died when today i was wasting time doing stupid blogthings and got THIS:
Who is Your Celeb Soul Mate? by killargrl9543
Name
Favorite Color
Your Celeb Soul Mate
Quiz created with MemeGen!
seriously. why would anyone do that to me.
Public - 11:57 PM - 6 eprops - 3 comments - edit it - email it
why.
i miss you guys even more. and i hate my classes. but my math professor has a dracula accent which is cool and my chem professr has a south african accent which can only be described as "polite" which is really cute, and my history of modern thought professor sucks.
school sucks.
but college doesnt.
=)
and ask me for my mailing address!!
and pictures of my dorm room coming soon =)
alllllright. so i think i have some more to share about COLLEGE. so i will. if you missed out on my other experiences so far, they are in the blog with the other relaly long title. something about reading is sexy. i think it was interesting because it involved alcohol and that seems to perk everyone up. hahaha.
there are a lot of very little things that have been making me very happy recently. i really like it because every day i have like one more little thing to add to my list of "beautiful little things that make me overly happy for whatever reason". i'm not sure if that has to do with college, or ucla, because im sure the things that i have on my list can very well be found in other parts of the world, right when you step out into it. i think the thing i like about college is that its kind of a refined version of the world at large. a microcosm. anyway, so here is a list i have compiled so far in the margin of my math and chemistry notes of things that i just find so beautiful. like i saw them and i just felt all HAPPY. i think now i understand why i liked the movie "american beauty" so much. i told my friend that i was like... what is this! a movie made for samiah!?! because there really is just "so much beauty" !!!! aghhh i cant contain it.
things that make/have made me really happy in the last couple of weeks:
- the way my math professor has his lecture notes in one of those very collegiate writing tablets that you flip vertically (with the binding on top). they're usually yellow but his is white. i just love seeing it sit on his desk and then i love it when he flips it vertically. the pages are always so delicate looking but full of insight... which makes them beautiful but also very daunting. i think its just very cute in general how that is what/how my professor writes his lecture notes.
-there is this guy at ucla who is always doing stunts and flips and walking with his hands up stair rails on his hands and just doing crazy things without a shirt on. he is a student i think. but anyway. so one day i was walking back up to class and i saw him having a conversation with another person, and then another guy just kinda went by on a skateboard. the guy on the skateboard waved to the stunt-boy, the stunt-boy smiled and waved back, "hey!" End of story. but that scene just really made me so happy.
-there is this tall skinny white boy in my math class. he is also in my discussion for math. so the story here is, i have noticed, as im sure all of you have, everyone seems to have such a fascination or obsession with accents. iiii... dont really go head over heels for accents. they amuse me, they're cool, just, for me it is much more about your voice than your accent. okay. so the bigger story here is, people always think accents have to be something "exotic" or european. welllll, today i head the tall skinny guy speak in class. He has the most sheer surfer dude californian accent. and he uses it to ask questions about multivariable calculus, and it TURNS ME ON. duuuude. =P
-the really pretty girl who was standing outside the math lecture hall waiting to go in. she was reading the math book like no other. like. seriously. who the heck thinks that north campus girls are what its all about?! cause theyre noooooot. seriously. seeing her made me very happy. hahaha.
-the guy across the aisle from me today in chemistry. he looks so... east coast college kid. he kinda looks like the guy elle woods ends up marrying in legally blonde (which was shot at ucla! hahaha) except i think this guy has better hair than the movie guy. anyway. its not really about the guy. its about how under his seat, he placed his big messenger back type "backpack", and from it i could see his beanie peeking out of it.
yeah i dont know why. but a beanie peeking out of a messenger back just really made my day.
alright so moving on with my college stories. today i was having lunch with rod, and i just had the urge to say to him, "there are so many interesting people here! everywhere. i'm just surrounded by interesting people."
and of course rod replies the usual rod way, which is, "yes i know samiah. you're surrounded by interesting people in your math class, your chem class, eating lunch with you..." he was talking about himself. hahahah. rod rod rod.
alright. so what happens next is, there is a girl eating just one seat down from me. shes eating a chicken pot pie, and rod wants one. so he asks. excuse me. where did you get that? and then she tells us. and then she asks us if we're first years. and we say yes. and then we start talking to her. and she asks us where we're from. and we say diamond bar. and she doesnt know where that is. i ask her if shes from northern california. she says.. kind of maybe.. (im like what...?) and i say db is southern california (all of a sudden i smell chicken pot pie in my room btw...hahaha) and rod says its 40 miles away. and then we ask her where she's from.
paris.
and shes lived in singapore, and beijing, and shanghai, and australia, and new zealand, and and and and and......
!
her parents have to move a lot for their work. she doesnt always know where her parents are. because they're always in some new continent. and she's been in boarding school all her life. she is a math-econ major becaues she is asian hahah, but shes trying to get into the film school here (its like third in the nation). shes a second year, she took a leave of absence her first year to go film a documentary for mTV about high altitude animals. they shot that in... south africa, and then the high altitude part was shot in tibet.
yeah.
remember how i said, im surrounded by interesting people!!!!
i wasnt kidding.
when she left, i looked at rod and i said that same thing. and he just exploded and said I WAS JUST THINKING THAT! I was like SAMIAH we were just talking about this!
and seriously, she was only a SEAT DOWN from me.
you never know people. you never never never know people.
and im not saying that she would have been any less interesting if she didnt have that story, everyone is interesting and thats the truth of the matter. but i just found it so ironic that i had just been telling rod how we're surrounded by interesting people (which is inevitable in life based on how i said everyone is interesting) and then the girl right next to us just happened to be full of these very unique experiences! hahaha. LIFE!
and then rod told me about how one of his floormate's dad is alike a major film producer and how the guy basically gets to hang out with denzel washington and natalie portman on the weekends.
and then i made a face.
and then he was like do you not like natalie portman?
i say, "no."
and then he says why?
and then i tell him. and i must have gotten very very passionate about it because then rod started waving his hands and saying, "i take it back! i made a mistake of telling you he hangs with with natalie portman! calm down!" and he kept laughing at me. why are passionate people always so FUNNY!? gosh.
anyway.
do you guys remember this?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
your turn
so i think i've told you about how random thoughts occur to me and then i write them down and lose them haha.
well, two thoughts have occured to me recently. i was talking to people and then it just kind of popped into my head. they came in sentences.
buuuut im not gonna tell you
but i will give you the beginnings of the sentences and then i think you can fill them in as you see fit in your own scheme of things as they pertain to you. i'd really like to know how you would fill these sentences in
ok?
ok
I've never met someone who wasn't _____________ .
I will never question ____________.
thanks boobs.
(boobs is my nickname for a bunch of people in general that i care about and am close enough with to call boobs. its not referring to "boobs". its just a noise. boobs. and yes its probably referring to you and i care what you have to say. sosayit!)
=)
remember that??
so if you havent figured it out already. these are what my blanks were and have alwyas been:
I've never met someone who wasn't interesting, or with a story to tell.
I will never question your ability to make me happy. (yeah i was thinking of someone with that.)
alright.
oh. theres this other thing.
from wayyyy back when. but since i mentioned natalie now i might as well put it up hahah.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
umm. so i'm sure you all know how i DON'T LIKE NATALIE PORTMAN.
so i almost died when today i was wasting time doing stupid blogthings and got THIS:
Who is Your Celeb Soul Mate? by killargrl9543
Name
Favorite Color
Your Celeb Soul Mate
Quiz created with MemeGen!
seriously. why would anyone do that to me.
Public - 11:57 PM - 6 eprops - 3 comments - edit it - email it
why.
i miss you guys even more. and i hate my classes. but my math professor has a dracula accent which is cool and my chem professr has a south african accent which can only be described as "polite" which is really cute, and my history of modern thought professor sucks.
school sucks.
but college doesnt.
=)
and ask me for my mailing address!!
and pictures of my dorm room coming soon =)
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
reading is sexy. dont drink and study. and sleep with teddy bears not floormates.
reading is sexy.
i think those three words some up ucla very very well. everybody reads and everybody is sexy and everybody reading is sexy and everybody sexy is reading.
which is okay.
last night, i think it was 12 am and my very good friend and floormate rachel decided we needed a movie night. or .. very early movie morning. haha what have you, after a nice long day of studying and messing and studying and running to starbucks with kyle who got us free drinks! i like walking through westwood at night. especially when its NOT to go down to the damn course reader store only to find that you are three hours late from closing time. -_-
so we watched american beauty.
which was
amazing.
i cant believe how much i liked that movie. and i'm not going to lie, from a very nonengaged point of view, i can see how some parts that were meant to be very poignant and profound could easily be seen as cheesy and cliche. "there is so much beauty!!" "my heart cant take it!!" ... well those weren't the direct quotes but i think you kinda get it.
but even so, the lines within the context of the movie were bee ah youu tee full.
ok especially the plastic blag floating around. i loved that. i dont know why but it made me so happy. and i dont even know how they shot the bag like that, it wasnt just floating around, it was seriously having a dance with the wind and all the leaves couldn't help but join in. does it always look like that when litter meets a draft?
i know im being ironic, saying it was a dance and then calling it litter meeting a gust of wind. but that is how it was in that scene. something that i always just saw as TRASH... suddenly turned so ... miraculous even.
weird.
good movie.
everything about it was good.
even mena suvari's character which i kept fluctuating my opinion on turned out good. i really think this movie is amazing. every scene that caused me any slight discomfort at the onset, developed right after into a lesson or a plot-related epiphany which was just ... really moving. and beautiful.
there's one scene where mena suvari's character and kevin spacey's character are about to do it, and she really portrays the baby she is, the way she looks in the screen and whatnot. and i was getting antsy at that part because althroughout the movie, she came off as this experienced teen whore. and all the while that she was flirting with spacey's character, it was so... not a big deal. and then all of a sudden in that scene she really was the baby that she really is. and just when they're about to do it, and im sitting there dying in my seat because it all just looks so wrong, the scene just develops into this beautiful thing. and no i dont mean sex. there is no sex. but really. if you have seen the movie i think you know what im talking about.
so that is one example. of how a potentially disturbing scene just... isnt. and in fact is something so much... more. i dunno i thought it was pretty amazing.
especially because it happens more than once in the movie.
there is this other scene, where ricky's dad comes to kevin spacey's character through the rain. theyre in the garage. and ricky's dad just looks so troubled, and spacey's character tells him things will be okay (this description of mine is making it sound liek the two were friends or something... believe me that is not how it was). and then ricky's dad comes and starts hugging spacey's character, and there is a shot of ricky's dad's hand on spacey's bare back, and that hand is diggggggging into spacey's back.
thats what it looked like, and i started freaking out because i thought he was trying to kill him or something.
oh man.
it had nothing to do with killing.
but when that hug was over,
MAN
what happened next!! shiiiettttt i LOVED IT. I LOVED IT SO MUCH. waaaaa. i cant contain it. seriously. amazing.
good writing man.
GOSH THAT WAS a freaking good movie. thaaanks rachel babe =)
so moving on with my few ucla stories...
oh yeah. so while we were watching the movie, towards the end our friend and floormate zach walks in around 1:30ish after returning from his first non-dry frat party. he was doing pretty well actually. but he told us to wait till morning to really see haha.
so i guess that somehow gave another guy who was watching the movie with us (not kyle) and who i will sustain anonymous for the time being, the idea to go get some alcohol...
and bring it in the study lounge.
which. if you dont live in a dorm, i will inform you now, is a very stupid thing to do. because a. youre not supposed to have alcohol here at all. b. if you do, you're safe if you keep it in your dorm room and c. with your door closed d. so the RA's can pretend they dont know about it. this goes for marijuana and whatever else people usually do behind closed doors anyway. i guess.
so this guy, decided to bring it into the study lounge.
-_-
and our RA decided to walk in.
what happened was, we actually decided to pause the movie because i needed to pee and put my stuff back because i'm paranoid that someone was going to jack my marvelous calc book... hahaha. no i was really just worried about the ipod. haha, so we took a break, and i go to the bathroom, and rachel is around doing her stuff and so is kyle and the other guy... is bringing in his "on the rocks" whatever you call it. i know it was like.. something punch on the rocks blah i really dont remember. i just remember "on the rocks" because that was what i kept hearing. so i make my way back to the study lounge where we were watching the movie, and i see kyle and rachel outside the door, ... looking... like soemthing is going on. sooo i ask... whats going on? and then they tell me about how the other guy is in there right now with aida (our really cute and awesome RA who i feel really badly for), getting busted for bringing alcohol into the study lounge. so then the three of us go in, and aida keeps asking us whose it is. im kinda "standing in the corner crying" is what kyle says hahaha. i was just standing in front of the door behind everyone holding my teddy bear. (ok more about teddy bears later).
and she keeps asking whose it is, and kyle says its not mine (because of course it wasnt) and rachel doesnt even need to really say anything because ... well none of us had anything to do with it. it was pretty fun for me because i was still like just in front of the door like a statue and no one was even asking me anything. so i got to watch the whole thing from like a three foot distance like live theatre. not bad.
so aida asks again, the guy responsible suggests that we throw it away and forget the whole thing. aida says are you fucking kidding me this is my job you asshole we cant just forget about it.
no she didnt really say that, she was very nice and calm about it the whole time but ya know.
and omg. the guy STILL wouldn't (i feel bad callng him "the guy" becusae he is our friend) claim it! so he attempted to put on this noble front by saying, "ok whatever, whatever, i'll take the blame for it"
which all three of us had a great teasing him about because... come on. take the blame for it? what happened to just taking responsbility for it... hahaha.
and the poor guy had to dump it all out of the brand new bottle and had to chug down his cup too. which he kept complaining about for the rest of the night.
he's a good guy though. i feel like i'm making him out to be a not so good guy because i keep calling him "the guy".
so that happened and it was a fun experience for us i guess and we finished our movie and adam (he's british!!!!) came in asking if we'd seen zach's room key and then zach came in later to say goodnight to us, after asking rachel to wake keith up for him to let zach in (they're roommates, keith and zach and... one other guy.. ivan? i think ivan.) and then sleep with him (rachel and keith not zach and keith. rachel and keith have a thing, which is cool, but they would never floorcest. ) so then keith could go back to sleep happy and not upset at zach for having to let him in. ok yeah so zach came in to say goodnight... and oh!! funny thing today. zach said, "gosh im so hungry. i've only had a bowl of macaroni becasue i'm trying to fast" (yom kippur) . rachel and i were like -_- . and then hahahah. blah blah i keep digressing. wait now that i think about it.. where did he sleep last night? eh oh well.
i actually locked myself out of my room already too. my friend knows. i was on the phone with him when it happened... trying to get reception hahah.
the funny part about that was how i put a post it on the door saying "STOP! DO YOU HAVE YOUR ROOM KEY, etc. ???" and i still locked myself out. barefoot. yup.
ohhh
so yeahh about aida having to write the guy up for the alcohol. i felt more bad for her than for the guy really cause aida is really the nicest person ever and she did NOT want to have to do this. i mean who does. but espeically aida. sorry aida. =(
hm oh yeha
teddy bears.
i have never slept with a teddy bear in my life. i dont think even as a baby. if i did as a baby i probably would have remembered because i would have probaby done it after i was a baby too. but i have never slept with a teddy bear.
so last year my piano teacher got my this diamond bar brahma tshirt wearing teddy bear. and my mom strongly felt that i should bring it with me here. besides that i brought these two little white tiger stuffed animals i have, which remind me of our crazy 06 class! and other stuff but whatevs for now. anyway.
so i have been sleeping with that teddy bear.
i never thought i would. but i do. and yesterday, before the movie, i was trying to do math hw... which i could just... not even get past number 6... so i went back to my room to get a highlighter or sooomething.. i saw my teddy bear, just grabbed it and went back. i forgot the highlighter. but the thing was... having that stuffed animal there on the table with me really helped! oh gosh. i dont know why but it really did. and i love sleeping with it.
after a while it got noisy int he study lounge... haha yeah. so i went back to get my ipod. and i got even further with my math hw.
so, a while back i posted a bulletin after i read the book "the perks of being a wallflower", about how in the book, charlie, in the process of thinking of presents for a secret santa thing... thinks of three things he thinks everyone should just have. like a paint set for instance. and a harmonica. even if you dont paint and dont play the harmonica. you should still hve them just in case he thought. oh. and magnetic poetry.
i really really want magnetic poetry.
anyway
here are my three things
a teddy bear. music you can carry. and a worry stone.
before experience i htink i had said, rubber cement, play-doh, and... i dunno what.
but yeah.
definitely a teddy bear. because you never know.
i sure didnt.
thanks mom.
mmm... what else.
oh yeah. going back on the reading is sexy thing. today on the way back from class, i saw a guy hanging around on the court thing in front of my hall, he was like laying down on a bench beside a tree reading. he was like, such a cool looking guy. i think he had a pierced eyebrow. and a hat. hahah. i dunno but i jsut remember those things. and he was reading, with the book on his stomach kind of thing, and he had a reaallly slight smile on his face.
i jsut really liked seeing that. i woulda taken a picture but i left vivi at home.
mmm what else.
oh yeah.
abbey road.
all this year i've been saying im going to buy the abbey road poster.
so i went
and they were sold out.
and i was maaaad.
and i called nadia and domo to vent. hahah. thanks guys.
what else what else.
oh yeah.
i didnt sign up for free tutoring at covel. which im really sad about now. because i totally could have but i didnt. but im just going to pray really hard that i dont need it.
(pray for me pleeeeeasssseeee) thank you =) and you're in mine. foshos.
what else! ummm
um um um
i feel bad because my mom calls me all the time when im grumpy. so she must think that i dont miss her from the tone of my voice on the phone. but i really do. like last night i really missed her.
and this whole summer, i learned a lot about missing people. i'll share that with you later. this is already very long.
but really, i know what it is to miss people now. because i will seriously get up and find myself missing certain people. in general i miss you all the time. really. but now its also that at certain points during the day i can just think to myself, oh wow. i really miss ____ or i really miss ____ or... i miss ____ and _____ .
i dont always tell people. but if you dont mind hearing it, please let me know because i would love to tell you that i miss you when i do. and dont think that you are being narcississtic in that you want to hear me say i miss you. becuase i know i would like hearing it too if you meant it. and really, this whole summer i spent learning what it is to say i miss you and mean it. so if i ever said it to you this summer or recently or what have you, be happy and know that i really do miss you. and seriously. let me know.
because i know for me, and for other friends that i have had this discussion with, soemtimes we find ourselves just waiting for the "right time" to say the things that really matter. like i love you, or i care about you, or i miss you. or even ... you annoy the heck out of me. hahaha.
but in the end its just the right time when you make it.
so help me make it the right time okay?
okay.
i'm going to go "study".
=P
wish you were here-
lo
PS!!
oh yeah. i had class at EIGHT AM TODAY! seriously. i thought i'd hate it. but wow. the campus is so nice when there are only five people walking around and its misty. so nice. ok. have a nice year!
i think those three words some up ucla very very well. everybody reads and everybody is sexy and everybody reading is sexy and everybody sexy is reading.
which is okay.
last night, i think it was 12 am and my very good friend and floormate rachel decided we needed a movie night. or .. very early movie morning. haha what have you, after a nice long day of studying and messing and studying and running to starbucks with kyle who got us free drinks! i like walking through westwood at night. especially when its NOT to go down to the damn course reader store only to find that you are three hours late from closing time. -_-
so we watched american beauty.
which was
amazing.
i cant believe how much i liked that movie. and i'm not going to lie, from a very nonengaged point of view, i can see how some parts that were meant to be very poignant and profound could easily be seen as cheesy and cliche. "there is so much beauty!!" "my heart cant take it!!" ... well those weren't the direct quotes but i think you kinda get it.
but even so, the lines within the context of the movie were bee ah youu tee full.
ok especially the plastic blag floating around. i loved that. i dont know why but it made me so happy. and i dont even know how they shot the bag like that, it wasnt just floating around, it was seriously having a dance with the wind and all the leaves couldn't help but join in. does it always look like that when litter meets a draft?
i know im being ironic, saying it was a dance and then calling it litter meeting a gust of wind. but that is how it was in that scene. something that i always just saw as TRASH... suddenly turned so ... miraculous even.
weird.
good movie.
everything about it was good.
even mena suvari's character which i kept fluctuating my opinion on turned out good. i really think this movie is amazing. every scene that caused me any slight discomfort at the onset, developed right after into a lesson or a plot-related epiphany which was just ... really moving. and beautiful.
there's one scene where mena suvari's character and kevin spacey's character are about to do it, and she really portrays the baby she is, the way she looks in the screen and whatnot. and i was getting antsy at that part because althroughout the movie, she came off as this experienced teen whore. and all the while that she was flirting with spacey's character, it was so... not a big deal. and then all of a sudden in that scene she really was the baby that she really is. and just when they're about to do it, and im sitting there dying in my seat because it all just looks so wrong, the scene just develops into this beautiful thing. and no i dont mean sex. there is no sex. but really. if you have seen the movie i think you know what im talking about.
so that is one example. of how a potentially disturbing scene just... isnt. and in fact is something so much... more. i dunno i thought it was pretty amazing.
especially because it happens more than once in the movie.
there is this other scene, where ricky's dad comes to kevin spacey's character through the rain. theyre in the garage. and ricky's dad just looks so troubled, and spacey's character tells him things will be okay (this description of mine is making it sound liek the two were friends or something... believe me that is not how it was). and then ricky's dad comes and starts hugging spacey's character, and there is a shot of ricky's dad's hand on spacey's bare back, and that hand is diggggggging into spacey's back.
thats what it looked like, and i started freaking out because i thought he was trying to kill him or something.
oh man.
it had nothing to do with killing.
but when that hug was over,
MAN
what happened next!! shiiiettttt i LOVED IT. I LOVED IT SO MUCH. waaaaa. i cant contain it. seriously. amazing.
good writing man.
GOSH THAT WAS a freaking good movie. thaaanks rachel babe =)
so moving on with my few ucla stories...
oh yeah. so while we were watching the movie, towards the end our friend and floormate zach walks in around 1:30ish after returning from his first non-dry frat party. he was doing pretty well actually. but he told us to wait till morning to really see haha.
so i guess that somehow gave another guy who was watching the movie with us (not kyle) and who i will sustain anonymous for the time being, the idea to go get some alcohol...
and bring it in the study lounge.
which. if you dont live in a dorm, i will inform you now, is a very stupid thing to do. because a. youre not supposed to have alcohol here at all. b. if you do, you're safe if you keep it in your dorm room and c. with your door closed d. so the RA's can pretend they dont know about it. this goes for marijuana and whatever else people usually do behind closed doors anyway. i guess.
so this guy, decided to bring it into the study lounge.
-_-
and our RA decided to walk in.
what happened was, we actually decided to pause the movie because i needed to pee and put my stuff back because i'm paranoid that someone was going to jack my marvelous calc book... hahaha. no i was really just worried about the ipod. haha, so we took a break, and i go to the bathroom, and rachel is around doing her stuff and so is kyle and the other guy... is bringing in his "on the rocks" whatever you call it. i know it was like.. something punch on the rocks blah i really dont remember. i just remember "on the rocks" because that was what i kept hearing. so i make my way back to the study lounge where we were watching the movie, and i see kyle and rachel outside the door, ... looking... like soemthing is going on. sooo i ask... whats going on? and then they tell me about how the other guy is in there right now with aida (our really cute and awesome RA who i feel really badly for), getting busted for bringing alcohol into the study lounge. so then the three of us go in, and aida keeps asking us whose it is. im kinda "standing in the corner crying" is what kyle says hahaha. i was just standing in front of the door behind everyone holding my teddy bear. (ok more about teddy bears later).
and she keeps asking whose it is, and kyle says its not mine (because of course it wasnt) and rachel doesnt even need to really say anything because ... well none of us had anything to do with it. it was pretty fun for me because i was still like just in front of the door like a statue and no one was even asking me anything. so i got to watch the whole thing from like a three foot distance like live theatre. not bad.
so aida asks again, the guy responsible suggests that we throw it away and forget the whole thing. aida says are you fucking kidding me this is my job you asshole we cant just forget about it.
no she didnt really say that, she was very nice and calm about it the whole time but ya know.
and omg. the guy STILL wouldn't (i feel bad callng him "the guy" becusae he is our friend) claim it! so he attempted to put on this noble front by saying, "ok whatever, whatever, i'll take the blame for it"
which all three of us had a great teasing him about because... come on. take the blame for it? what happened to just taking responsbility for it... hahaha.
and the poor guy had to dump it all out of the brand new bottle and had to chug down his cup too. which he kept complaining about for the rest of the night.
he's a good guy though. i feel like i'm making him out to be a not so good guy because i keep calling him "the guy".
so that happened and it was a fun experience for us i guess and we finished our movie and adam (he's british!!!!) came in asking if we'd seen zach's room key and then zach came in later to say goodnight to us, after asking rachel to wake keith up for him to let zach in (they're roommates, keith and zach and... one other guy.. ivan? i think ivan.) and then sleep with him (rachel and keith not zach and keith. rachel and keith have a thing, which is cool, but they would never floorcest. ) so then keith could go back to sleep happy and not upset at zach for having to let him in. ok yeah so zach came in to say goodnight... and oh!! funny thing today. zach said, "gosh im so hungry. i've only had a bowl of macaroni becasue i'm trying to fast" (yom kippur) . rachel and i were like -_- . and then hahahah. blah blah i keep digressing. wait now that i think about it.. where did he sleep last night? eh oh well.
i actually locked myself out of my room already too. my friend knows. i was on the phone with him when it happened... trying to get reception hahah.
the funny part about that was how i put a post it on the door saying "STOP! DO YOU HAVE YOUR ROOM KEY, etc. ???" and i still locked myself out. barefoot. yup.
ohhh
so yeahh about aida having to write the guy up for the alcohol. i felt more bad for her than for the guy really cause aida is really the nicest person ever and she did NOT want to have to do this. i mean who does. but espeically aida. sorry aida. =(
hm oh yeha
teddy bears.
i have never slept with a teddy bear in my life. i dont think even as a baby. if i did as a baby i probably would have remembered because i would have probaby done it after i was a baby too. but i have never slept with a teddy bear.
so last year my piano teacher got my this diamond bar brahma tshirt wearing teddy bear. and my mom strongly felt that i should bring it with me here. besides that i brought these two little white tiger stuffed animals i have, which remind me of our crazy 06 class! and other stuff but whatevs for now. anyway.
so i have been sleeping with that teddy bear.
i never thought i would. but i do. and yesterday, before the movie, i was trying to do math hw... which i could just... not even get past number 6... so i went back to my room to get a highlighter or sooomething.. i saw my teddy bear, just grabbed it and went back. i forgot the highlighter. but the thing was... having that stuffed animal there on the table with me really helped! oh gosh. i dont know why but it really did. and i love sleeping with it.
after a while it got noisy int he study lounge... haha yeah. so i went back to get my ipod. and i got even further with my math hw.
so, a while back i posted a bulletin after i read the book "the perks of being a wallflower", about how in the book, charlie, in the process of thinking of presents for a secret santa thing... thinks of three things he thinks everyone should just have. like a paint set for instance. and a harmonica. even if you dont paint and dont play the harmonica. you should still hve them just in case he thought. oh. and magnetic poetry.
i really really want magnetic poetry.
anyway
here are my three things
a teddy bear. music you can carry. and a worry stone.
before experience i htink i had said, rubber cement, play-doh, and... i dunno what.
but yeah.
definitely a teddy bear. because you never know.
i sure didnt.
thanks mom.
mmm... what else.
oh yeah. going back on the reading is sexy thing. today on the way back from class, i saw a guy hanging around on the court thing in front of my hall, he was like laying down on a bench beside a tree reading. he was like, such a cool looking guy. i think he had a pierced eyebrow. and a hat. hahah. i dunno but i jsut remember those things. and he was reading, with the book on his stomach kind of thing, and he had a reaallly slight smile on his face.
i jsut really liked seeing that. i woulda taken a picture but i left vivi at home.
mmm what else.
oh yeah.
abbey road.
all this year i've been saying im going to buy the abbey road poster.
so i went
and they were sold out.
and i was maaaad.
and i called nadia and domo to vent. hahah. thanks guys.
what else what else.
oh yeah.
i didnt sign up for free tutoring at covel. which im really sad about now. because i totally could have but i didnt. but im just going to pray really hard that i dont need it.
(pray for me pleeeeeasssseeee) thank you =) and you're in mine. foshos.
what else! ummm
um um um
i feel bad because my mom calls me all the time when im grumpy. so she must think that i dont miss her from the tone of my voice on the phone. but i really do. like last night i really missed her.
and this whole summer, i learned a lot about missing people. i'll share that with you later. this is already very long.
but really, i know what it is to miss people now. because i will seriously get up and find myself missing certain people. in general i miss you all the time. really. but now its also that at certain points during the day i can just think to myself, oh wow. i really miss ____ or i really miss ____ or... i miss ____ and _____ .
i dont always tell people. but if you dont mind hearing it, please let me know because i would love to tell you that i miss you when i do. and dont think that you are being narcississtic in that you want to hear me say i miss you. becuase i know i would like hearing it too if you meant it. and really, this whole summer i spent learning what it is to say i miss you and mean it. so if i ever said it to you this summer or recently or what have you, be happy and know that i really do miss you. and seriously. let me know.
because i know for me, and for other friends that i have had this discussion with, soemtimes we find ourselves just waiting for the "right time" to say the things that really matter. like i love you, or i care about you, or i miss you. or even ... you annoy the heck out of me. hahaha.
but in the end its just the right time when you make it.
so help me make it the right time okay?
okay.
i'm going to go "study".
=P
wish you were here-
lo
PS!!
oh yeah. i had class at EIGHT AM TODAY! seriously. i thought i'd hate it. but wow. the campus is so nice when there are only five people walking around and its misty. so nice. ok. have a nice year!
Saturday, September 9, 2006
"marriage"
its the name of a poem by Gregory Corso. beat poet.
haha yeah i'm into them.
Should I get married? Should I be Good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustaus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky--
When she introduces me to her parents
back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie,
should I sit knees together on their 3rd degree sofa
and not ask Where's the bathroom?
How else to feel other than I am,
often thinking Flash Gordon soap--
O how terrible it must be for a young man
seated before a family and the family thinking
We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou!
After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living?
Should I tell them? Would they like me then?
Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter
but we're gaining a son--
And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?
O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends
and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded
just waiting to get at the drinks and food--
And the priest! He looking at me if I masturbated
asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?
And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue!
I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back
She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha!
And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on--
then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes
Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates!
All streaming into cozy hotels
All going to do the same thing tonight
The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen
The lobby zombies they knowing what
The whistling elevator man he knowing
The winking bellboy knowing
Everybody knowing! I'd be almost inclined not to do anything!
Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye!
Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon!
running rampant into those almost climatic suites
yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel!
O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy a saint of divorce--
But I should get married I should be good
How nice it'd be to come home to her
and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen
aproned young and lovely wanting by baby
and so happy about me she burns the roast beef
and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair
saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf!
God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married!
So much to do! like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night
and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books
Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower
like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence
like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest
grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky!
And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him
When are you going to stop people killing whales!
And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle
Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust--
Yet if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow
and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn,
up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me,
finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man
knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear not Roman coin soup--
O what would that be like!
Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus
For a rattle bag of broken Bach records
Tack Della Francesca all over its crib
Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib
And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon
No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father
not rural not snow no quiet window
but hot smelly New York City
seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls
a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job!
And five nose running brats in love with Batman
And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired
like those hag masses of the 18th century
all wanting to come in and watch TV
The landlord wants his rent
Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus
Impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking--
No! I should not get married and I should never get married!
But--imagine if I were to marry a beautiful sophisticated woman
tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves
holding a cigarette holder in one hand and highball in the other
and we lived high up a penthouse with a huge window
from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days
No I can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream--
O but what about love? I forget love
not that I am incapable of love
it's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes--
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and--
but there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All in the universe married but me!
Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible--
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so I wait--bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.
haha yeah i'm into them.
Should I get married? Should I be Good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustaus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky--
When she introduces me to her parents
back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie,
should I sit knees together on their 3rd degree sofa
and not ask Where's the bathroom?
How else to feel other than I am,
often thinking Flash Gordon soap--
O how terrible it must be for a young man
seated before a family and the family thinking
We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou!
After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living?
Should I tell them? Would they like me then?
Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter
but we're gaining a son--
And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?
O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends
and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded
just waiting to get at the drinks and food--
And the priest! He looking at me if I masturbated
asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?
And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue!
I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back
She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha!
And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on--
then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes
Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates!
All streaming into cozy hotels
All going to do the same thing tonight
The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen
The lobby zombies they knowing what
The whistling elevator man he knowing
The winking bellboy knowing
Everybody knowing! I'd be almost inclined not to do anything!
Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye!
Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon!
running rampant into those almost climatic suites
yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel!
O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy a saint of divorce--
But I should get married I should be good
How nice it'd be to come home to her
and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen
aproned young and lovely wanting by baby
and so happy about me she burns the roast beef
and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair
saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf!
God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married!
So much to do! like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night
and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books
Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower
like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence
like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest
grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky!
And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him
When are you going to stop people killing whales!
And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle
Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust--
Yet if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow
and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn,
up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me,
finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man
knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear not Roman coin soup--
O what would that be like!
Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus
For a rattle bag of broken Bach records
Tack Della Francesca all over its crib
Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib
And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon
No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father
not rural not snow no quiet window
but hot smelly New York City
seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls
a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job!
And five nose running brats in love with Batman
And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired
like those hag masses of the 18th century
all wanting to come in and watch TV
The landlord wants his rent
Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus
Impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking--
No! I should not get married and I should never get married!
But--imagine if I were to marry a beautiful sophisticated woman
tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves
holding a cigarette holder in one hand and highball in the other
and we lived high up a penthouse with a huge window
from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days
No I can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream--
O but what about love? I forget love
not that I am incapable of love
it's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes--
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and--
but there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All in the universe married but me!
Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible--
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so I wait--bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
70 questions to end the night
1. Are you in a relationship?
plenty! hahah no no
2. Do you hate more than three people?
no
3. How many houses have you lived in?
one house
4. What is your favorite candy bar?
twix. you can share them! what a novelty.
5. What are your favorite shoes?
converse. those really were the first shoes ever that fit me the first time i tried them on.
now i sound like i have awkward feet.
6. Have you ever tripped someone?
yea.
8. What was your favorite summer trip this year?
the trip i'm taking into the deep recesses of my mind to retrieve such valuable information with which i meticulously answer each of these questions.
haha
venice beach probably. the only real trip i took. lol, besides the trip i took over my boombox which was sitting in the middle of the family room for what reason!?!?!!!!
9. Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
yeah. and oh man, it "drives me CRAAAAZYYY"
10. Have you ever thrown up in public?
i was really little and i threw up on my doctor. tongue depressors were never my thing. this tongue was not meant to be depressed. no ones is.
11. Name someone that's ALWAYS on your mind.
julian casablancas haha. its sad that i'm actually being serious too.
12. What is your favorite music genre?
hmm..
its more like, specific songs. rock i guess.
13. What is your sign?
peace.
haha
libra. which is just as good.
14. What time were you born?
it was right after midnight
15. Do you like beer?
i cant like it, buuuuut i like how it looks all frothy/foamy at the top in the commercials. and i like those thick glasses with the handles that they serve it in in the commercials too.
16. Have you ever made a prank call?
yessum oh man.
17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
i'd tell you but then i'd have to kill you. actually you know what? laugh at me. dream street. pre-pubescent voices totally turn me on.
18. Are you sarcastic?
have you been reading my answers?
19. What is your favorite color?
okay. there is this nailpolish i have. its called "rouge coquet".
basically, it is the hottest most sensual color i have ever seen in my life. and i love it. its the deepest shade of red. and maroon. oh gosh it makes me crazy. it really does. it's so... mmhmm oh boy.
20. How many watches do you own?
three
21. Summer or Winter?
winter
22. Spring or fall?
fall
23. What is your favorite color to wear?
red
24. Pepsi or Sprite?
neither neither.
this has nothing to do with this. but i dont care. i just realized what cutesy names "pepsi" and "sprite" are. sprites are supposed to be nymph like creatures right? what the heck. whatever.
25. What color is your cell phone?
silver
26. Wheres your second home?
i guess it was the usb room. meh. probably sarah's house
27. Have you ever slapped someone?
yea yea
28. Have you ever had a cavity?
knock on wood no
29. How many lamps are in your bedroom?
2
30. How many video games do you own?
zero. its more fun beating people on theirs. haha. sigh. hm i feel like playing now.
31. What was your first pet?
goldfish =)
32. Have you ever had braces?
nope
33. Do looks matter?
well to me, if you have an aj mclean voice, i truly and honestly could care less. other than that, just have a clean face. and if i were to speak of the dealings of the rest of the world, sadly but truly yes they matter to some extent. which pisses me off.
34. Do you use Chapstick?
carmex
36. American Eagle or Abercrombie?
i wouldnt know
37. Are you too forgiving?
no
38. How many children do you want?
i'll think about that later
39. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
i cant think of anything at the moment
40. What is your favorite breakfast?
continental. with pancakes and those potato square thingies my dad makes.
41. Do you own a gun?
water pistol! hahahaha bushraaaa GREASE
42. What was the last thing you ate?
pad thai
43. When was the last time you cried?
it was earlier this month
44. What did you do 3 days ago?
get mad at my brother for giving me a "screw you" type of "okay" and not an "i understand" type of okay. haha
45. When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?
i was a baby
46. Have you ever called your teacher mom?
i think once in the third grade.
48. What are your nicknames?
sam. mia. lo ling. samish. g.
49. Do you know anyone named Bertha?
no that would be cool though
50. Have you ever been to Kentucky?
aw no =(
51. Do you own something from Banana Republic?
nope
52. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
myself. thanks to you mr/ms survey.
54. Do you smoke?
nope
55. Do you own a diamond ring?
nope
56. Are you happy with your life right now?
almost
57. Do you dye your hair?
nope
58. Does anyone like you?
well i should hope so! hahaha whoooo knowwwwwsss
59. Who's your best friend(s)?
alex allen anna. i have more but their names dont start with "A" and only have two syllables. but they know who they are. and they accept my ocd.
60. What were you doing May of 1994?
oh yay i get to pull out my diaries! hm lets see.............
aw dang my first ever diary entry was written in august of 1994. oh well. lets see. i was probably at home playing with my brother and singing songs with my mother while my dad watched us through the camcorder.
61. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
if you know me. you know this is a very stupid question. especially since i told you that nothing matters to me if you have an aj mclean voice.
i get to be random again because this survey is lame.
aj mclean's voice is probably as hot as "rouge coquet". or vice versa.
and just becuase i think aj mclean's voice is... freaking hot, doesn't mean his type of voice is like, the ONLY type of voice i think is aurally pleasing. whatever i'm just going to go on to the next question.
62. McDonald's or Wendy's?
wendy's
63. Do you like yourself?
most of the time
64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
depends
65. Favorite feature(s) of the opposite sex?
their quirks. their voice. and when they're really good at something. but mostly their quirks/antics.
im going to share again because i was just reminded of something.
alex once told me, back in the seventh grade, that the things you most admire in other people are the things that you most admire in yourself.
haha im gonna think about that a while
66. Are you afraid of the dark?
ok. when its all dark around me, im not scared really. but when there is light in one isolated spot, and then darkness all around, then i get a little scared. but its mostly all in my head.
67. Have you ever eaten paste?
paste? hahaha im sorry. ihavent used that word in the longest time. what do we call "paste" nowadays ?
68. Do you have a webcam?
nope
69. Have you ever stripped?
yeah every night before going to bed
ha.
allen would like that.
i miss allen.
allen i miss you.
70. What are you looking forward to the most this week?
finishing "on the road" hopefully.
oh. and niko's letter! woo
goodnight =)
plenty! hahah no no
2. Do you hate more than three people?
no
3. How many houses have you lived in?
one house
4. What is your favorite candy bar?
twix. you can share them! what a novelty.
5. What are your favorite shoes?
converse. those really were the first shoes ever that fit me the first time i tried them on.
now i sound like i have awkward feet.
6. Have you ever tripped someone?
yea.
8. What was your favorite summer trip this year?
the trip i'm taking into the deep recesses of my mind to retrieve such valuable information with which i meticulously answer each of these questions.
haha
venice beach probably. the only real trip i took. lol, besides the trip i took over my boombox which was sitting in the middle of the family room for what reason!?!?!!!!
9. Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
yeah. and oh man, it "drives me CRAAAAZYYY"
10. Have you ever thrown up in public?
i was really little and i threw up on my doctor. tongue depressors were never my thing. this tongue was not meant to be depressed. no ones is.
11. Name someone that's ALWAYS on your mind.
julian casablancas haha. its sad that i'm actually being serious too.
12. What is your favorite music genre?
hmm..
its more like, specific songs. rock i guess.
13. What is your sign?
peace.
haha
libra. which is just as good.
14. What time were you born?
it was right after midnight
15. Do you like beer?
i cant like it, buuuuut i like how it looks all frothy/foamy at the top in the commercials. and i like those thick glasses with the handles that they serve it in in the commercials too.
16. Have you ever made a prank call?
yessum oh man.
17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
i'd tell you but then i'd have to kill you. actually you know what? laugh at me. dream street. pre-pubescent voices totally turn me on.
18. Are you sarcastic?
have you been reading my answers?
19. What is your favorite color?
okay. there is this nailpolish i have. its called "rouge coquet".
basically, it is the hottest most sensual color i have ever seen in my life. and i love it. its the deepest shade of red. and maroon. oh gosh it makes me crazy. it really does. it's so... mmhmm oh boy.
20. How many watches do you own?
three
21. Summer or Winter?
winter
22. Spring or fall?
fall
23. What is your favorite color to wear?
red
24. Pepsi or Sprite?
neither neither.
this has nothing to do with this. but i dont care. i just realized what cutesy names "pepsi" and "sprite" are. sprites are supposed to be nymph like creatures right? what the heck. whatever.
25. What color is your cell phone?
silver
26. Wheres your second home?
i guess it was the usb room. meh. probably sarah's house
27. Have you ever slapped someone?
yea yea
28. Have you ever had a cavity?
knock on wood no
29. How many lamps are in your bedroom?
2
30. How many video games do you own?
zero. its more fun beating people on theirs. haha. sigh. hm i feel like playing now.
31. What was your first pet?
goldfish =)
32. Have you ever had braces?
nope
33. Do looks matter?
well to me, if you have an aj mclean voice, i truly and honestly could care less. other than that, just have a clean face. and if i were to speak of the dealings of the rest of the world, sadly but truly yes they matter to some extent. which pisses me off.
34. Do you use Chapstick?
carmex
36. American Eagle or Abercrombie?
i wouldnt know
37. Are you too forgiving?
no
38. How many children do you want?
i'll think about that later
39. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
i cant think of anything at the moment
40. What is your favorite breakfast?
continental. with pancakes and those potato square thingies my dad makes.
41. Do you own a gun?
water pistol! hahahaha bushraaaa GREASE
42. What was the last thing you ate?
pad thai
43. When was the last time you cried?
it was earlier this month
44. What did you do 3 days ago?
get mad at my brother for giving me a "screw you" type of "okay" and not an "i understand" type of okay. haha
45. When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?
i was a baby
46. Have you ever called your teacher mom?
i think once in the third grade.
48. What are your nicknames?
sam. mia. lo ling. samish. g.
49. Do you know anyone named Bertha?
no that would be cool though
50. Have you ever been to Kentucky?
aw no =(
51. Do you own something from Banana Republic?
nope
52. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
myself. thanks to you mr/ms survey.
54. Do you smoke?
nope
55. Do you own a diamond ring?
nope
56. Are you happy with your life right now?
almost
57. Do you dye your hair?
nope
58. Does anyone like you?
well i should hope so! hahaha whoooo knowwwwwsss
59. Who's your best friend(s)?
alex allen anna. i have more but their names dont start with "A" and only have two syllables. but they know who they are. and they accept my ocd.
60. What were you doing May of 1994?
oh yay i get to pull out my diaries! hm lets see.............
aw dang my first ever diary entry was written in august of 1994. oh well. lets see. i was probably at home playing with my brother and singing songs with my mother while my dad watched us through the camcorder.
61. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
if you know me. you know this is a very stupid question. especially since i told you that nothing matters to me if you have an aj mclean voice.
i get to be random again because this survey is lame.
aj mclean's voice is probably as hot as "rouge coquet". or vice versa.
and just becuase i think aj mclean's voice is... freaking hot, doesn't mean his type of voice is like, the ONLY type of voice i think is aurally pleasing. whatever i'm just going to go on to the next question.
62. McDonald's or Wendy's?
wendy's
63. Do you like yourself?
most of the time
64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
depends
65. Favorite feature(s) of the opposite sex?
their quirks. their voice. and when they're really good at something. but mostly their quirks/antics.
im going to share again because i was just reminded of something.
alex once told me, back in the seventh grade, that the things you most admire in other people are the things that you most admire in yourself.
haha im gonna think about that a while
66. Are you afraid of the dark?
ok. when its all dark around me, im not scared really. but when there is light in one isolated spot, and then darkness all around, then i get a little scared. but its mostly all in my head.
67. Have you ever eaten paste?
paste? hahaha im sorry. ihavent used that word in the longest time. what do we call "paste" nowadays ?
68. Do you have a webcam?
nope
69. Have you ever stripped?
yeah every night before going to bed
ha.
allen would like that.
i miss allen.
allen i miss you.
70. What are you looking forward to the most this week?
finishing "on the road" hopefully.
oh. and niko's letter! woo
goodnight =)
Thursday, August 10, 2006
air (feel good)
May 14, 2006?
Yeah... I think that's the date
Dear Johnny,
Hmm, today my mom opened my window.
Wow. It feels so good. Wow... the power of fresh air. No, I'm not kidding. It does make me feel that good.
In all honesty, I think that a lot of how I am so enjoying this fresh air, softly billowing into my room right now, has a lot to do with how I'm in my room. Sure, I appreciate and enjoy the great outdoors, all in its natural splendor, boundless grounds and plentiful fresh air. But that's the thing... it's "the great outdoors," where everything is so abundant and available that its easy to forget every smaller figment of what is there; like, air.
So now, that I sit here, in my room surrounded by all the wonders of 21st century electronica and other wonders of the ever-flourishing concrete jungle, when that strong-but-still-ethereal gentleness of that wind, in all its purity and humility, drifts in . . . that's when I've finally noticed it. That's when I finally feel air and see, that it really is something to think about.
Thank God for windows.
Thanks for listening
-Lo Ling
Yeah... I think that's the date
Dear Johnny,
Hmm, today my mom opened my window.
Wow. It feels so good. Wow... the power of fresh air. No, I'm not kidding. It does make me feel that good.
In all honesty, I think that a lot of how I am so enjoying this fresh air, softly billowing into my room right now, has a lot to do with how I'm in my room. Sure, I appreciate and enjoy the great outdoors, all in its natural splendor, boundless grounds and plentiful fresh air. But that's the thing... it's "the great outdoors," where everything is so abundant and available that its easy to forget every smaller figment of what is there; like, air.
So now, that I sit here, in my room surrounded by all the wonders of 21st century electronica and other wonders of the ever-flourishing concrete jungle, when that strong-but-still-ethereal gentleness of that wind, in all its purity and humility, drifts in . . . that's when I've finally noticed it. That's when I finally feel air and see, that it really is something to think about.
Thank God for windows.
Thanks for listening
-Lo Ling
30
Post 30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself.
i did this before i'll do it again
1. What does your mySpace name mean?
Lo Ling. ok so sometimes when i REALLY laugh out loud to something while chatting with a friend online, i'll tell them "omg i'm really LoL-ing". so one time i was iming with my friend and he made me LoL and i started typing all crazy and then i said "i'm Lo Ling"
then he asked, "who's Lo Ling"
i'm lo ling.
2. Elaborate on your default photo:
another marvelous shot by ana zoo. this was at grad night and we were bored in line and i think bryan was drunk off of rain and he attempted to grab jessica montris butt and i was frozen in terror cuz i mean cmon its bryan. haha i love em all.
3. Do you drink?
yes. dont you.
that was lame. no i dont drink alcoholic beverages.
4. What's your current relationship status?
i have many relationships
5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
brahma sweats and my "ryan is my favorite" campaign shirt woo. i already miss high school.
6. What is your current problem?
i'm addicted to the Strokes.
7. What do you love most?
"this is life" moments mixed in with a little (or a lot) of soc.
8. What makes you most happy?
Reptilia at 3 am with domoniko
9. Are you musically inclined?
yes
10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?
my dad's health
11. If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
those spiders that can walk on water. or a pigeon.
12. Ever had a near death experience?
im guessing no. knowing me, if i had a near death experience, i'd prolly stress myself out over to the death experience part.
13. Have you ever been in love?
last time i answered this i said "yeah. but its different." but. i think i love to varying degrees. something so temporary as "in" love hasnt really been an option yet.
14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head?
who will save your soul
15. Who did you cut and paste this from?
myself
16. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
keli'i who stole my eraser in the 1st grade. yes i still remember that and i remember him.
17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
probably. without meaning to.
18. Have you ever been in a fight?
yeah. i won.
19. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
yes.
20. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
his style
21. What do you usually order from McDonalds?
mcflurry/fries
22. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
haha. i have problems okay.
24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
in 8th grade. i looked like j.lo. according to susan and sam.
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
occasionally yeah. okay. recess school's out is the best movie ever.
26. Did you have braces?
nope
27. Are you comfortable with your height?
yeah. lets spoon.
random.
29. Do you speak any other languages?
yayuhhh por supuesto, dhonobad for asking.
30. Do you have a crush on someone on your myspace?
ha crushes.
sure.
i did this before i'll do it again
1. What does your mySpace name mean?
Lo Ling. ok so sometimes when i REALLY laugh out loud to something while chatting with a friend online, i'll tell them "omg i'm really LoL-ing". so one time i was iming with my friend and he made me LoL and i started typing all crazy and then i said "i'm Lo Ling"
then he asked, "who's Lo Ling"
i'm lo ling.
2. Elaborate on your default photo:
another marvelous shot by ana zoo. this was at grad night and we were bored in line and i think bryan was drunk off of rain and he attempted to grab jessica montris butt and i was frozen in terror cuz i mean cmon its bryan. haha i love em all.
3. Do you drink?
yes. dont you.
that was lame. no i dont drink alcoholic beverages.
4. What's your current relationship status?
i have many relationships
5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
brahma sweats and my "ryan is my favorite" campaign shirt woo. i already miss high school.
6. What is your current problem?
i'm addicted to the Strokes.
7. What do you love most?
"this is life" moments mixed in with a little (or a lot) of soc.
8. What makes you most happy?
Reptilia at 3 am with domoniko
9. Are you musically inclined?
yes
10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?
my dad's health
11. If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
those spiders that can walk on water. or a pigeon.
12. Ever had a near death experience?
im guessing no. knowing me, if i had a near death experience, i'd prolly stress myself out over to the death experience part.
13. Have you ever been in love?
last time i answered this i said "yeah. but its different." but. i think i love to varying degrees. something so temporary as "in" love hasnt really been an option yet.
14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head?
who will save your soul
15. Who did you cut and paste this from?
myself
16. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
keli'i who stole my eraser in the 1st grade. yes i still remember that and i remember him.
17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
probably. without meaning to.
18. Have you ever been in a fight?
yeah. i won.
19. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
yes.
20. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
his style
21. What do you usually order from McDonalds?
mcflurry/fries
22. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
haha. i have problems okay.
24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
in 8th grade. i looked like j.lo. according to susan and sam.
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
occasionally yeah. okay. recess school's out is the best movie ever.
26. Did you have braces?
nope
27. Are you comfortable with your height?
yeah. lets spoon.
random.
29. Do you speak any other languages?
yayuhhh por supuesto, dhonobad for asking.
30. Do you have a crush on someone on your myspace?
ha crushes.
sure.
Tuesday, August 8, 2006
your turn
so i think i've told you about how random thoughts occur to me and then i write them down and lose them haha.
well, two thoughts have occured to me recently. i was talking to people and then it just kind of popped into my head. they came in sentences.
buuuut im not gonna tell you
but i will give you the beginnings of the sentences and then i think you can fill them in as you see fit in your own scheme of things as they pertain to you. i'd really like to know how you would fill these sentences in
ok?
ok
I've never met someone who wasn't _____________ .
I will never question ____________.
thanks boobs.
(boobs is my nickname for a bunch of people in general that i care about and am close enough with to call boobs. its not referring to "boobs". its just a noise. boobs. and yes its probably referring to you and i care what you have to say. sosayit!)
=)
well, two thoughts have occured to me recently. i was talking to people and then it just kind of popped into my head. they came in sentences.
buuuut im not gonna tell you
but i will give you the beginnings of the sentences and then i think you can fill them in as you see fit in your own scheme of things as they pertain to you. i'd really like to know how you would fill these sentences in
ok?
ok
I've never met someone who wasn't _____________ .
I will never question ____________.
thanks boobs.
(boobs is my nickname for a bunch of people in general that i care about and am close enough with to call boobs. its not referring to "boobs". its just a noise. boobs. and yes its probably referring to you and i care what you have to say. sosayit!)
=)
Monday, August 7, 2006
the view from my bed
im going to make this much more brief than i expected because it is 2 am in the morning. =)
on saturday morning i woke up, and, the way i sleep, my feet face my closet doors, which are mirrors, which reflect the back wall of my room which have a nice window on it/in it what have you. so i wake up and lift my head and i realize that my window is really pretty. and the whole ambience of being somewhere nice and comfortable and full of light, every day, when i wake up. (my room really is full of light every morning because its in the direction the sun comes up, which is really nice. especially on weekends when i actually get to be in bed when it starts flooding my room with warm yellow light! ugh its so nice. someone should come here and enjoy it with me. except i have a twin size bed. and a knack for the single life. hahaha. ok im ramblinggg). and then i thought about how, all that is going from me in two months or less. im not exactly sad, but, shrug. im going to miss my room. and my bed, and the nice reflection of the wall on my mirror doors. and a whole lot of other stuff but as i said, its 2 am. and plus ive talked about this stuff before in my other blogs that i wrote when iw as actually awake.
so in that mood, (we're back to saturday morning), i decided to just take a bunch of pictures so i can maybe blow them up into wallpaper size posters to cover my dorm walls with. hahaha. joke.
anyway
here are a bunch (like really, a bunch) of pretty random pictures i took of my room while i was lying down in my bed. yup. these are all the view through the lcd screen from my bed.
yeah. i used the lcd screen not the eyehole thing. sorry i cant think of what its called at the moment. and for that reason a lot of my pictures probably suffer from the dreaded parallax effect. but oh well.
ok
samiah's room in the morning.
you can see me in them if you look close. but i advise you not to. =P
i like my window okay.
and my ever useful
converse shoe boxes. heres one.
and yes i used the "zoom". haha.
goodnight tables
goodnight chairs
goodnight window
goodnight room
goodnight moon.
on saturday morning i woke up, and, the way i sleep, my feet face my closet doors, which are mirrors, which reflect the back wall of my room which have a nice window on it/in it what have you. so i wake up and lift my head and i realize that my window is really pretty. and the whole ambience of being somewhere nice and comfortable and full of light, every day, when i wake up. (my room really is full of light every morning because its in the direction the sun comes up, which is really nice. especially on weekends when i actually get to be in bed when it starts flooding my room with warm yellow light! ugh its so nice. someone should come here and enjoy it with me. except i have a twin size bed. and a knack for the single life. hahaha. ok im ramblinggg). and then i thought about how, all that is going from me in two months or less. im not exactly sad, but, shrug. im going to miss my room. and my bed, and the nice reflection of the wall on my mirror doors. and a whole lot of other stuff but as i said, its 2 am. and plus ive talked about this stuff before in my other blogs that i wrote when iw as actually awake.
so in that mood, (we're back to saturday morning), i decided to just take a bunch of pictures so i can maybe blow them up into wallpaper size posters to cover my dorm walls with. hahaha. joke.
anyway
here are a bunch (like really, a bunch) of pretty random pictures i took of my room while i was lying down in my bed. yup. these are all the view through the lcd screen from my bed.
yeah. i used the lcd screen not the eyehole thing. sorry i cant think of what its called at the moment. and for that reason a lot of my pictures probably suffer from the dreaded parallax effect. but oh well.
ok
samiah's room in the morning.
you can see me in them if you look close. but i advise you not to. =P
i like my window okay.
and my ever useful
converse shoe boxes. heres one.
and yes i used the "zoom". haha.
goodnight tables
goodnight chairs
goodnight window
goodnight room
goodnight moon.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
One.
i dont understand. sometimes some lyrics are so beautiful.
maybe its because they rhyme, they sound good. maybe they dont. maybe because they speak a truth. maybe they don't, maybe they just make you feel good.
maybe they remind you of a time when you didn't feel good.
sometimes its because you see what you are thinking, spelled out for you, the way you want it, maybe you don't.
sometimes they're just beautiful and quite simply thats all there is to it
and sometimes its because they're exactly what you want to say but you can't say it.
anyway.
Is it getting better,
or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you,
now you got someone to blame?
You say
one love,
one life,
when it's
one need in the night.
One love,
we get to share it
Leaves you baby
if you don't care for it.
Did I disappoint you
or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
and you want me to go without.
Well, it's too late tonight
to drag the past out into the light.
We're one,
but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other,
carry each other...
one
Have you come here for forgiveness,
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
to the lepers in your head
Did I
ask too much,
more than a lot
You gave me nothing,
now it's all I got.
We're one,
but we're not the same.
Well,
we hurt each other,
then we do it again.
You say
love is a temple,
love a higher law
Love is a temple,
love the higher law.
You ask me to enter,
but then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on to what you got,
when all you got is hurt.
One love, one blood, one life,
you got to do what you should.
One life with each other:
sisters, brothers.
One life,
but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other,
carry each other.
One
One.
maybe its because they rhyme, they sound good. maybe they dont. maybe because they speak a truth. maybe they don't, maybe they just make you feel good.
maybe they remind you of a time when you didn't feel good.
sometimes its because you see what you are thinking, spelled out for you, the way you want it, maybe you don't.
sometimes they're just beautiful and quite simply thats all there is to it
and sometimes its because they're exactly what you want to say but you can't say it.
anyway.
Is it getting better,
or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you,
now you got someone to blame?
You say
one love,
one life,
when it's
one need in the night.
One love,
we get to share it
Leaves you baby
if you don't care for it.
Did I disappoint you
or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
and you want me to go without.
Well, it's too late tonight
to drag the past out into the light.
We're one,
but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other,
carry each other...
one
Have you come here for forgiveness,
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
to the lepers in your head
Did I
ask too much,
more than a lot
You gave me nothing,
now it's all I got.
We're one,
but we're not the same.
Well,
we hurt each other,
then we do it again.
You say
love is a temple,
love a higher law
Love is a temple,
love the higher law.
You ask me to enter,
but then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on to what you got,
when all you got is hurt.
One love, one blood, one life,
you got to do what you should.
One life with each other:
sisters, brothers.
One life,
but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other,
carry each other.
One
One.
but you get away with it
"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face." --Johnny Depp
Saturday, July 15, 2006
now that she's back
adf.
sigh.
i dont know why bad things happen.
my closest friend from childhood's brother, who is also one of my closest friend from childhood... no you dont understand, our parents went to college together... yeah.. that much childhood friend... got in an accident. wasn't even his fault. i dont know if i have the right to tell the story and even if i do i feel awkward which i hope is out of respect. but it was just his bare self that got hit... by a car! some retard car came and just, sigh, his leg has metal rods in it now because the bones suffered compound fractures. yeah. and i thank God every day now because he could have died. i feel an unexplainable terrible feeling saying and thinking that but its true. and i hope no one has to ever feel that.
there is someone else, very close to me, whose uncle died. this person is so close to me;well, they are in my family. one of their relatives just passed away. and people don't know how to tell him. i want to share this all in detail with you guys but i can't in some stupid old blog becuase im also superstitious and i feel like im jynxing things.
so im just going to stop. and leave out the other bad news becuase its summer and the sun is supposed to shine
i am praying.
life.
to me life is about expectations. and crushing them.
meeting them and crushing them. i think most of the time they are crushed. but most of the time that's not a bad thing.
and im sure this isn't what i completely feel about life so dont quote me.
"dont take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive." -warren miller
yeah okay warren miller, dont take life seriously and you'll be coming out of it much more quickly than you expected.
i hope whoever is reading this, you all, whoever, know that im upset because of a plethora of things and for this reason i am being upset with warren miller.
sorry warren.
i'll be better in the morning.
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
i'm on team thoreau. but i love emerson for this.
?Entonces, que es, de todos modos, lo que trae a dos personas juntas?
mi pregunta.
sigh.
i dont know why bad things happen.
my closest friend from childhood's brother, who is also one of my closest friend from childhood... no you dont understand, our parents went to college together... yeah.. that much childhood friend... got in an accident. wasn't even his fault. i dont know if i have the right to tell the story and even if i do i feel awkward which i hope is out of respect. but it was just his bare self that got hit... by a car! some retard car came and just, sigh, his leg has metal rods in it now because the bones suffered compound fractures. yeah. and i thank God every day now because he could have died. i feel an unexplainable terrible feeling saying and thinking that but its true. and i hope no one has to ever feel that.
there is someone else, very close to me, whose uncle died. this person is so close to me;well, they are in my family. one of their relatives just passed away. and people don't know how to tell him. i want to share this all in detail with you guys but i can't in some stupid old blog becuase im also superstitious and i feel like im jynxing things.
so im just going to stop. and leave out the other bad news becuase its summer and the sun is supposed to shine
i am praying.
life.
to me life is about expectations. and crushing them.
meeting them and crushing them. i think most of the time they are crushed. but most of the time that's not a bad thing.
and im sure this isn't what i completely feel about life so dont quote me.
"dont take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive." -warren miller
yeah okay warren miller, dont take life seriously and you'll be coming out of it much more quickly than you expected.
i hope whoever is reading this, you all, whoever, know that im upset because of a plethora of things and for this reason i am being upset with warren miller.
sorry warren.
i'll be better in the morning.
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
i'm on team thoreau. but i love emerson for this.
?Entonces, que es, de todos modos, lo que trae a dos personas juntas?
mi pregunta.
Sunday, July 9, 2006
in the atmosphere
i like it all but the bold is what i'd liek to express more often.
guy: mm dada dom do do mm dada dom do do
nation: haha hot
nation: and you thought u coudlnt sing through aim
guy: ha
nation: lol
nation: where did u get ur super happy fun land
nation: it kind of looks like my secret nation
guy: you really have a secret nation?
guy: i was playing with webdings looking for the peace sign...and all these things popped up
guy: and it looked like something out of a video game
nation: ohh
nation: got it
nation: i do have a secret nation
nation: i jut
nation: *just
nation: havent found and conquered it yet
guy: oh i see
nation: and i woudlnt call it conquering
nation: just
nation: havent found and been elected as president yet
guy: will this election be truly democratic
nation: well
nation: it will be more of a caucus type vote
nation: which is democratic
nation: so
nation: yes
nation: 
guy: me gone
guy: time to study
guy: grr
guy: later
nation: grr
nation: good luck boy
guy: luck has no place in life
nation: what does for you then
guy: luck was something cavemen invented
guy:
guy: uuum
nation: uhhuh so was love
guy: noooo
guy: love exists
guy: but like
guy: not relationships
nation: iiii
nation: dont know
guy: love between like brothers and friends and sisters
guy: and stuff
guy: you know
nation: yeah
nation: i dont think
guy: what ties the human race together
nation: its like
nation: "LOVE"
nation: love is way too abstract
nation: and abused
nation: theres definitely something
nation: good
nation: that ties us together
nation: especially between brother and sisters and mothers and fathers and friends
nation: and its like love
nation: but honestly i think its something better
guy: we need to invent a new term for this wonderful thing
nation: yeah i thought about that a long time ago
nation: but i like
nation: *i realized
nation: that i like it better
nation: not having a word
nation: because love probably used to be that word
nation: and look what happened
nation: maybe its better to just have it as a feeling
nation: that you keep inside
nation: yourself
nation: and no one can call it something
nation: and abuse it
guy: you are brilliant samiah=-O
guy: write it down if you haven't already
nation: noo
nation: lol thank you
guy: hahaa
nation: i never even said it to anyone
guy: i see
guy: clock ticking
guy: later!
nation: bye!
nation: thanks!
guy signed off at 10:44:52 PM.
Monday, June 12, 2006
two shoeboxes
This is really funny.
So I was cleaning my room. At first I thought to myself that I would get rid of all the clutter that my pack rat of a self has collected over the years. Maybe then I wouldn't have that much stuff to make a mess with anymore.
I started cleaning, and then started taking out the boxes and boxes of "stuff" that I had, in an attempt to empty them all out.
In one box, i found a little basket, made from pine needles and raffia... wow. That was from fourth grade. When we used to learn about the Native Americans, and the Gold Rush. Wow. And then i found a lanyard.. actually.. many, unfinished lanyards. Hmm.. those were from what, fifth grade? sixth grade? Sarah and I used to make them ALL the time through the summer. I guess if you asked her brother Omar, he'd say we were obsessed. I remember he'd walk into my room all the time and ask what we were doing. Too engulfed in our lanyard weaving... we'd just reply, "thiiiis!" And then he'd take a hint and leave us to our lanyards. I cant believe i still had these. I had no idea i still had these. So i kept emptying out the box. And then I found a bunch of rocks. rocks? ok.. i turned them over one by one, and to my pleasure i found that all the bobble eyes and fuzzy noses that i had hot glued onto them about six years ago were still on them. Wow... my whole Pet Rock family was still in tact. Six years later. Their little name labels were still on them too! Apparently I had named them the family Green. Probably because of the fuzzy green nose i had adhered to the "poppa" rock. Aww and i still had baby ROCKsanne. ahaha ew so clever even in the 6th grade...
i found a whoopee cushion from devika's .. what.. 13th birthday? We went to Chuck E CHeese. Why do i still have all this stuff? And then the case that the best friends for life necklace Monica had given me came in. Wow.. that was from.. so long ago. We aren't best friends anymore. And the necklace broke.
Then i found a whole box of middle school memorabilia. It had the "Mr. Rodine" sign that Mr. Rodine had hanging up in his room. 7th grade. That was the year we had him, and the year he decided to retire, and Katie Jurado started a petition to make him stay...which didn't work. and his son Dylan kissed me. hahaha and Katrina got semi jealous, and then katrina got to babysit him. and mr. rodine gave me that sign. I think Mr. Rodine was the first man i ever loved besides my father. I don't mean to be freaky but I really think i did. And i think that scared my mom. So she wouldn't let me email him. And now he wont respond to my emails anymore... five years later.
I even found the little buildings I had made for that damn space station project in eight grade. The one where I got my first D on a project. I actually started laughing when i picked those little things up... because I know that if we were given that same project to do now, we'd be able to bullshit it up in two nights and still get an A. You learn a lot in high school that you never even think of knowing in eight grade. I also found the little snowman pin that my homeroom teacher Mr. Black had given me and Lia Myung for decorating our class window for the holidays. And then i remembered how pissed off we were that we didn't win the competition. and then i remembered being in leadership and going around judging all those windows. We so should have won.
I found the little stuffed animals and samplers we had done in Mrs. McKee's sixth grade On My Own class. I loved that class, and I loved Mrs. McKee. She loved me too. I miss her and I want to visit her. I heard she was retiring. I really hope she didnt retire. I owe her a lot. Mrs. McKee was the first person to ever tell me to share in class. One time i got back an essay that i had written in that class, and her comment at the bottom was to see her. So i saw her. We ended up crying together. She said that I wrote very well, and the things I wrote were very insightful. She really wanted me to speak up with these things in class, that the class discussions needed me. I was ... I didn't know what to do when she told me that. What do you do? We cried together. I love Mrs. McKee even today. I will always remember that.
If you know me now, I speak up A LOT in class. And I don't just say anything either. And I have Mrs. McKee to thank. I wonder if she knows that.
Thinking of Mrs McKee leads me to think of Mr. Reutzel. He was another great man. I wonder how he'd feel knowing that I'm going to major in Biology.
I really hope they all remember me.
Going on, I found a bunch of fake money and coins... ahh.. memoirs from my brother and my daily trips to "ImagineLand" during the summers of our highly imaginative childhoods. Apparently... judging from my makeshift checkbooks from... i cant even tell what these things really are.. my name was "Mel Brooke Lia Ruize" and i was a ... Fashion Designer, Restaurant Owner, Publisher/Editor extraordinaire... and i also had a cooking show. I remember that now, i used to show people how to pour cereal every morning. Hahahaha. Wow. And I made four times the money my brother did. Oh the perks of being the older sibling. Apparently I had written up some Imagineland laws. I realize, I really was a clever little shiet back then. The last law of Imagineland was "10. Follow the laws."
Haha ew.
Ok. I found a Hunchback of Notre Dame coin purse that just blew me away. I bought this at the 99 cent store... before i even lived in diamond bar. That means... before even the third grade. Thats... more than eight years ago. It could even be a decade ago. I had never even used it.
So
At first I thought, should I put this in the give this away pile? And then I thought... wow... look at all of this. I had actually gone into this whole ordeal with the intention of throwing everything away.
Why would I ever do that. Just by looking through two shoeboxes of "stuff" and "junk".. i had gone through a time capsule of the last eight to ten years of my life. That's something.
I'm never throwing anything away again.
Well I guess i never did before.
I'm just reminding myself to never throw anything away again.
And suggesting to you the same...
So... in the pile of rubble. I found a letter to myself. We had written it freshman year in Ms. Canfield's english class. Now she is Mrs. Moskovitz. And she doesnt remember me. Even though she loved the final project Hayley and I did and had used it to decorate her room the year after. They were stick puppets of romeo and juliet with celebrities heads glued on. Ashton Kutcher was Romeo. I forget who Juliet was. Not important.
Anyway. I think I'll type the letter up here later. Its really funny how everything played out. And the letter was written on September 10. How strange to think that the day after, would become 9-11.
Hmmhh
Life.
So I was cleaning my room. At first I thought to myself that I would get rid of all the clutter that my pack rat of a self has collected over the years. Maybe then I wouldn't have that much stuff to make a mess with anymore.
I started cleaning, and then started taking out the boxes and boxes of "stuff" that I had, in an attempt to empty them all out.
In one box, i found a little basket, made from pine needles and raffia... wow. That was from fourth grade. When we used to learn about the Native Americans, and the Gold Rush. Wow. And then i found a lanyard.. actually.. many, unfinished lanyards. Hmm.. those were from what, fifth grade? sixth grade? Sarah and I used to make them ALL the time through the summer. I guess if you asked her brother Omar, he'd say we were obsessed. I remember he'd walk into my room all the time and ask what we were doing. Too engulfed in our lanyard weaving... we'd just reply, "thiiiis!" And then he'd take a hint and leave us to our lanyards. I cant believe i still had these. I had no idea i still had these. So i kept emptying out the box. And then I found a bunch of rocks. rocks? ok.. i turned them over one by one, and to my pleasure i found that all the bobble eyes and fuzzy noses that i had hot glued onto them about six years ago were still on them. Wow... my whole Pet Rock family was still in tact. Six years later. Their little name labels were still on them too! Apparently I had named them the family Green. Probably because of the fuzzy green nose i had adhered to the "poppa" rock. Aww and i still had baby ROCKsanne. ahaha ew so clever even in the 6th grade...
i found a whoopee cushion from devika's .. what.. 13th birthday? We went to Chuck E CHeese. Why do i still have all this stuff? And then the case that the best friends for life necklace Monica had given me came in. Wow.. that was from.. so long ago. We aren't best friends anymore. And the necklace broke.
Then i found a whole box of middle school memorabilia. It had the "Mr. Rodine" sign that Mr. Rodine had hanging up in his room. 7th grade. That was the year we had him, and the year he decided to retire, and Katie Jurado started a petition to make him stay...which didn't work. and his son Dylan kissed me. hahaha and Katrina got semi jealous, and then katrina got to babysit him. and mr. rodine gave me that sign. I think Mr. Rodine was the first man i ever loved besides my father. I don't mean to be freaky but I really think i did. And i think that scared my mom. So she wouldn't let me email him. And now he wont respond to my emails anymore... five years later.
I even found the little buildings I had made for that damn space station project in eight grade. The one where I got my first D on a project. I actually started laughing when i picked those little things up... because I know that if we were given that same project to do now, we'd be able to bullshit it up in two nights and still get an A. You learn a lot in high school that you never even think of knowing in eight grade. I also found the little snowman pin that my homeroom teacher Mr. Black had given me and Lia Myung for decorating our class window for the holidays. And then i remembered how pissed off we were that we didn't win the competition. and then i remembered being in leadership and going around judging all those windows. We so should have won.
I found the little stuffed animals and samplers we had done in Mrs. McKee's sixth grade On My Own class. I loved that class, and I loved Mrs. McKee. She loved me too. I miss her and I want to visit her. I heard she was retiring. I really hope she didnt retire. I owe her a lot. Mrs. McKee was the first person to ever tell me to share in class. One time i got back an essay that i had written in that class, and her comment at the bottom was to see her. So i saw her. We ended up crying together. She said that I wrote very well, and the things I wrote were very insightful. She really wanted me to speak up with these things in class, that the class discussions needed me. I was ... I didn't know what to do when she told me that. What do you do? We cried together. I love Mrs. McKee even today. I will always remember that.
If you know me now, I speak up A LOT in class. And I don't just say anything either. And I have Mrs. McKee to thank. I wonder if she knows that.
Thinking of Mrs McKee leads me to think of Mr. Reutzel. He was another great man. I wonder how he'd feel knowing that I'm going to major in Biology.
I really hope they all remember me.
Going on, I found a bunch of fake money and coins... ahh.. memoirs from my brother and my daily trips to "ImagineLand" during the summers of our highly imaginative childhoods. Apparently... judging from my makeshift checkbooks from... i cant even tell what these things really are.. my name was "Mel Brooke Lia Ruize" and i was a ... Fashion Designer, Restaurant Owner, Publisher/Editor extraordinaire... and i also had a cooking show. I remember that now, i used to show people how to pour cereal every morning. Hahahaha. Wow. And I made four times the money my brother did. Oh the perks of being the older sibling. Apparently I had written up some Imagineland laws. I realize, I really was a clever little shiet back then. The last law of Imagineland was "10. Follow the laws."
Haha ew.
Ok. I found a Hunchback of Notre Dame coin purse that just blew me away. I bought this at the 99 cent store... before i even lived in diamond bar. That means... before even the third grade. Thats... more than eight years ago. It could even be a decade ago. I had never even used it.
So
At first I thought, should I put this in the give this away pile? And then I thought... wow... look at all of this. I had actually gone into this whole ordeal with the intention of throwing everything away.
Why would I ever do that. Just by looking through two shoeboxes of "stuff" and "junk".. i had gone through a time capsule of the last eight to ten years of my life. That's something.
I'm never throwing anything away again.
Well I guess i never did before.
I'm just reminding myself to never throw anything away again.
And suggesting to you the same...
So... in the pile of rubble. I found a letter to myself. We had written it freshman year in Ms. Canfield's english class. Now she is Mrs. Moskovitz. And she doesnt remember me. Even though she loved the final project Hayley and I did and had used it to decorate her room the year after. They were stick puppets of romeo and juliet with celebrities heads glued on. Ashton Kutcher was Romeo. I forget who Juliet was. Not important.
Anyway. I think I'll type the letter up here later. Its really funny how everything played out. And the letter was written on September 10. How strange to think that the day after, would become 9-11.
Hmmhh
Life.
Sunday, June 4, 2006
i have an idea
(this was a comment orginally posted to anna)
i have an idea
im sharing it with you first, because, its an anna-samiah type of idea, like a million balloons type of idea.
we havent shared our ideas in a long time.
this idea, is about a book club i will start. its going to be a different kind of book club. its kind of like, a popcorn book club.
let me explain.
someone in the book club reads a book. and they use one color highlighter, and throughout the book, they highlight whatever they want to highlight, given that they have some purpose for highlighting whatever they're highlighting.
and then they pass that same book to someone else. and then using a different color, that person highlights whatever they want to highlight, for whatever reason, as long as they have a reason, to be highlighting.
and then that person passes the book to someone else in the book club. and so on.
and heres the catch.
the book club isn't preestablished. youre not a "member" just becuase you "sign-up". you become a member whenever you get a book passed to you. and anyone can pass it to anyone.
and they join the club.
and when there are no more different colors of highlighters, you can underline, with different colors, or cirlce. or even footnote. or even, post-it note.
and then the book is put in the secret clubhouse.
i'll figure out where that is later.
but any member of the club can go to that clubhouse, and look at the books, and see all the different lines that have affected different people.
and even when they're reading a book that has been passed to them, they can stop at a highlighted passage and wonder at who what when where and why it was highlighted.
you're allowed to rehighlight.
when there's really nothing left to cover,
another person decides to read a book... and he/she highlights...
and passes it...
i have an idea
im sharing it with you first, because, its an anna-samiah type of idea, like a million balloons type of idea.
we havent shared our ideas in a long time.
this idea, is about a book club i will start. its going to be a different kind of book club. its kind of like, a popcorn book club.
let me explain.
someone in the book club reads a book. and they use one color highlighter, and throughout the book, they highlight whatever they want to highlight, given that they have some purpose for highlighting whatever they're highlighting.
and then they pass that same book to someone else. and then using a different color, that person highlights whatever they want to highlight, for whatever reason, as long as they have a reason, to be highlighting.
and then that person passes the book to someone else in the book club. and so on.
and heres the catch.
the book club isn't preestablished. youre not a "member" just becuase you "sign-up". you become a member whenever you get a book passed to you. and anyone can pass it to anyone.
and they join the club.
and when there are no more different colors of highlighters, you can underline, with different colors, or cirlce. or even footnote. or even, post-it note.
and then the book is put in the secret clubhouse.
i'll figure out where that is later.
but any member of the club can go to that clubhouse, and look at the books, and see all the different lines that have affected different people.
and even when they're reading a book that has been passed to them, they can stop at a highlighted passage and wonder at who what when where and why it was highlighted.
you're allowed to rehighlight.
when there's really nothing left to cover,
another person decides to read a book... and he/she highlights...
and passes it...
Saturday, May 20, 2006
bob marley.
two years ago, sophomore year, i had to take fundamentals of art in order to one day be able to graduate.
that class, was spectacular. that was when ms nelson and i were on great terms. which i really hope we still are; i wouldnt know because i havent seen her in the longest time. i hear shes out again pursuing her career as an artist, this time with some multimillionaire husband to back her. i hear they even have a street named after him. hagler. interesting. good for her.
that class was where i got even closer to jonathan fan, my love! he used to complain to me about his horrible bus rides, and how he couldnt wait to drive, and then he began driving, and he felt he was the worst driver ever, and then he didnt want to drive. i think he drives now. in fact, he drives to work! woo hoo for jamba juice and jonathan, and jalliterations. =P
that class is also where i met justin and jeff. wow. justin, jeff, jonathan, and jamba juice. good blog. oh thats also where i met nate. eh nate. hahaha i still adore nate regardless of the fact that his name isnt jnate. and thats where i reconnected with one of my best friends from 8th grade, susan. still love susan.
justin and jeff were seniors at that time, and we were sophomores.
justin and jeff showed me what mary j (see the j) was. i've never done it, and i still dont want to. but i guess thanks to them i can say that yes i've seen it, smelled it, and held it in my hand. i dont mean to say this in order to sound cool or experienced or anythign that you can think of. i just mean to say this because when someone asks me if i've ever seen the stuff, me being me, i can say that i have, and held it and smelled it, and i owe that to them two. jeff offered me some, to smoke once. justin told jeff to take it back. justin wrote in my yearbook that i'm going to grow up to be the president one day. maybe that had to do with why he wouldnt let jeff give me some.
anyway. i love those guys even today, after not having seen them for a good enough long time. every year after that i would see jeff sometimes. i saw him once when i went to coldstones, he was working over at pro sports. justin and jeff were really really nice guys. really nice. jeff was the varsity soccer captain. justin was on the team. i think. either way, they were both just really great guys.
and i miss them.
anyway.
they liked to listen to bob marley. whenever we had to draw something, they would pull out pictures of bob. or marijuana. or "shrooms". gosh, i was so naive before i met them. i used to think drugs didnt exist at dbhs. hahaha. thank you jeff and justin.
so yeah.
they used to think i was a good artist. that meant a lot to me. well, it also meant a lot to me that ms. nelson thought i was a good artist.
so one day we were just sitting there, waiting for the bell to ring. i had been helping someone draw something, and then someone, either jeff justin jonathan or susan or nate... maybe not nate.. i dont remember. SOMEONE, lol, asked me to draw bob.
i did. i drew something, someone in ten minutes. and then the bell rang. and they thought it was good, and i thought, what the heck. and it wasnt finished. but i brought it home and just left it on my table.
and i left to go to school the next day.
and i came back.
and my mom had framed it.
anyway.
i like it.
and maybe its bad
and maybe its good
but i like it, so i'm going to put it up here so you can see.
thanks guys for listening.
ps
this is really funny.
i volunteer at a hospital. have some great friends there too. in fact, there are these two guys that are great buddies. their names are, geoff and justin.
that class, was spectacular. that was when ms nelson and i were on great terms. which i really hope we still are; i wouldnt know because i havent seen her in the longest time. i hear shes out again pursuing her career as an artist, this time with some multimillionaire husband to back her. i hear they even have a street named after him. hagler. interesting. good for her.
that class was where i got even closer to jonathan fan, my love! he used to complain to me about his horrible bus rides, and how he couldnt wait to drive, and then he began driving, and he felt he was the worst driver ever, and then he didnt want to drive. i think he drives now. in fact, he drives to work! woo hoo for jamba juice and jonathan, and jalliterations. =P
that class is also where i met justin and jeff. wow. justin, jeff, jonathan, and jamba juice. good blog. oh thats also where i met nate. eh nate. hahaha i still adore nate regardless of the fact that his name isnt jnate. and thats where i reconnected with one of my best friends from 8th grade, susan. still love susan.
justin and jeff were seniors at that time, and we were sophomores.
justin and jeff showed me what mary j (see the j) was. i've never done it, and i still dont want to. but i guess thanks to them i can say that yes i've seen it, smelled it, and held it in my hand. i dont mean to say this in order to sound cool or experienced or anythign that you can think of. i just mean to say this because when someone asks me if i've ever seen the stuff, me being me, i can say that i have, and held it and smelled it, and i owe that to them two. jeff offered me some, to smoke once. justin told jeff to take it back. justin wrote in my yearbook that i'm going to grow up to be the president one day. maybe that had to do with why he wouldnt let jeff give me some.
anyway. i love those guys even today, after not having seen them for a good enough long time. every year after that i would see jeff sometimes. i saw him once when i went to coldstones, he was working over at pro sports. justin and jeff were really really nice guys. really nice. jeff was the varsity soccer captain. justin was on the team. i think. either way, they were both just really great guys.
and i miss them.
anyway.
they liked to listen to bob marley. whenever we had to draw something, they would pull out pictures of bob. or marijuana. or "shrooms". gosh, i was so naive before i met them. i used to think drugs didnt exist at dbhs. hahaha. thank you jeff and justin.
so yeah.
they used to think i was a good artist. that meant a lot to me. well, it also meant a lot to me that ms. nelson thought i was a good artist.
so one day we were just sitting there, waiting for the bell to ring. i had been helping someone draw something, and then someone, either jeff justin jonathan or susan or nate... maybe not nate.. i dont remember. SOMEONE, lol, asked me to draw bob.
i did. i drew something, someone in ten minutes. and then the bell rang. and they thought it was good, and i thought, what the heck. and it wasnt finished. but i brought it home and just left it on my table.
and i left to go to school the next day.
and i came back.
and my mom had framed it.
anyway.
i like it.
and maybe its bad
and maybe its good
but i like it, so i'm going to put it up here so you can see.
thanks guys for listening.
ps
this is really funny.
i volunteer at a hospital. have some great friends there too. in fact, there are these two guys that are great buddies. their names are, geoff and justin.
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