there is an ocean inside me
who named you Poseidon?
to weild the trident
to stir up what is here
and the waves that dont rumble
and i never know are there
until the hot fuss wells up inside me
sending waves up to my tears
what force of your blows of mystery
brewing a storm you do not know
...
We are now taking questions:
"What is the big deal with introducing me (or any girl) to your mom?"
and getting answers:
(12:40:44 AM): means girll you're legit
how nice.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
So this is it
Lo Ling; "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" -Garbage; 10:52 AM; rieber 523, desk; feeling: serene, happy, and anxious. all at once.
"The rain is fallin on my window pane, but we are hidin in a safer place; under covers stayin dry and warm, you give me feelings that i adore.."
my ideal Sunday mornings of the future haha
Residents of LA, stick your head out today, touch the wet air and smell the sky
it smells so good.
(in an old letter to Dama)
When I make playlists, it's a very natural process that I really enjoy experiencing. Yeah, I do feel that it's more of an experience than a task of my own doing, because like I said, to me it's a natural process, it takes it's own occurrence. It's nice not having to do the work hahaha.
All I do is play the song stuck in my head, which in this case was the song "I'm Only Happy When it Rains" by Garbage. And after that, as this selection comes to a close, with its natural course, a new song pops into my head as the next song. In this case it was "Bubbly" --Colbie Caillat. And then that song ends, and then another song pops into my head. It's really easy. And fun.
Here it is so far-
Eclectic in genre but I mean, it must be meant to be like that or else it wouldn't have come out like that. that's always what I believe.
I came on here, titling this post "So this is it", because i wanted to imply that i had discovered something, that i had discovered something, and ah, "so this is it"
well that thing is love.
Yeah whatever you can laugh at how cliche that is. Or you can shut up and read. Or listen if you've been imagining my pseudo-man voice. Haha whatever. Proud was on the phone with her friend once when I was hosting a rally in the background, and he said i had a nice voice. so there. =p Ok lemme get on with it-
Last week was Thanksgiving Break.
I was working on something on the computer-- I'm guessing it was editing my Facebook profile-- hahah, when my Gmail notifier popped up with a notification, saying I'd gotten a comment from my brother.
Interesting. He only ever really just replies to mine-- I wonder what was up. That was just for a second.. and then i jumped on the comment LoL.
"Hey, I have to do a gay research thing for history about the Greco-Persian Wars…and in IB we can’t use the internet -_-
So I was wondering if you could attempt to get these books for me from the UCLA library. Yea please get them before you come home tomorrow and don’t forget to bring them because I need them next Monday. Ok thanks. Here is a list of books you can get, but are not limited to. I need about 6 books minimum. So yea, sorry if you have to break your back to bring them home.
Histories – By Herodotus
Persians – By Aeschylus
Histories – By Diodorus
Of the books above I need only two.
The Greco-Persian Wars by P. Green
The Defense of Greece by J. Lazenby
Xerxes’ Invasion of Greece by C. Hignett
And any other book you might find about the Greco-Persian Wars and the Battle of Thermopylae."
Yeah not too alarming right? Wrong. Key words here: Yea please get them before you come home tomorrow
EXCUSE ME?? You tell me the NIGHT before the MORNING i come home to search through a university library for six books that obviously aren't common enough in the real world for you to find in any other library and who even knows if they'll be here and you need them next MONDAY??
see.
that's how i would have responded.
but it went more like this:
EXCUSE ME??
Ok I'll do it.
So that's it.
You usually know when you love someone. But sometimes there are such tangible reminders, like some acorn of realization just fell out of the tree of love and hit you on your head, and you know right then, you don't only feel that you love them, or say you do, but with reminders like that, you really know.
So I get out of lecture on Wednesday, its 10 A.M. I head straight to Powell, with a FIRE burning in me. What I wanted, was nothing more than to find each and every single book my brother had asked for. I imagined his contentment, his bolstered faith that I could and I would do anything for him, that he could always count on me, (although I preferred not the day before it's necessary but oh well because i love him right haha). I enter Powell, put up with a rude librarian, confuse myself with catalogue numbers and acres of bookshelves, discover parts of the library i never even knew existed, only to come up, with zero of the books my brother wanted.
I wanted to kill myself.
Painstakingly I looked through anonymous shelves to find SOMETHING. From the moment that fire burned in me, I had felt that acorn hit me on the head. I was living a tangible moment of realization that I really love my brother. But I felt it even more so when I was looking so hard for these books. Because that was it. KNOWING, knowing knowing knowing, that this wasn't easy, that this wasn't fair, that maybe this wasn't possible, that this was in a way, out of my way, knowing all of that-- I still wanted to do it. Key word there, i really wanted to do it. I didn't care. I wanted so much to do this for him.
I looked through the online catalogues again and realized, I might have better luck at the Charles E. Young Research Library. All the way North Campus. Not too far from where I already was-- but still. Well if there was a chance there, that's where I'd be. So I left Powell and marched.
I felt it then, i knew it, so this is it. This is love. Sure, it's not me donating my kidney. Which I would do. But given the circumstances in the scale of my little college world, this was significantly me going out of my everyday way. But I just really wanted to do it so much. I just wanted to do it for him.
Point of the story is
I got all the books. And I remember walking back, feeling SO accomplished, SO content, SO GOOD, and just thinking, so this is it. this is love. love with its many definitions, and i had collected another one. a very strong one in my opinion. when you know it wont be easy, when it will be hard, when presented with an irrational request, and regardless of what you should or should not do, you do it because you WANT to for this person. that's love. when you want to, not because you have to.
My brother is my brother, my family. Yeah, I could have "had" to get the books for him or else I'd have to hear about it from somebody else maybe. But that never crossed my mind.
That's love.
Happy belated brah-
Love
Sis
"The rain is fallin on my window pane, but we are hidin in a safer place; under covers stayin dry and warm, you give me feelings that i adore.."
my ideal Sunday mornings of the future haha
Residents of LA, stick your head out today, touch the wet air and smell the sky
it smells so good.
(in an old letter to Dama)
"Anyway. On a happier note, in your letter you said something about how it was so pretty after it rained. I agree very very much, being pretty after it rains, about everywhere and also particularly about a certain place.
And this place is…. The Plaza Del Toros. You know, the Spanish buildings. Haha. I’m serious though. My gosh. I remember a day, I think… my junior year? I had Spanish in the morning, and it had just rained. It was kind of a cloudier, darker, morning, but it was beautiful. The sky was a grey-blue, and the air felt PURE-- like there was nothing in it. Like the rain had washed the air clean. Everything smelled so wonderful and fresh. Because of the rain. It really felt like it was a perfect moment in time. The rain had clearly stopped, but it was there all around you, as if in spirit. And the sun still wasn’t out. To me it really felt like some fantastic pause in the weather. If you were to fall upon the secret gap in between rain and sun, this would be it. It was a perfect place in time and in weather. Walking into the Plaza del Toros (I was upstairs), I just looked down at the scene and I couldn’t believe how serene and peaceful everything was. The place glistened. The ground was all the same color, wet concrete. And that glistened. And the buildings looked brighter, not as dry, new, lively. They glistened too. And the plants were so green and glazed and guess what, …they glistened. And everything was clean. I remember talking with my friend Sneha who I was walking with, about how much we both loved rain. And I kept saying how clean everything was. Like the rain was some magical forgiving shower that cleaned everything and made it pure. And I kept wanting to pause. To breathe. The air was so clean that day. Dama, silence of contentment if I ever knew it. =) "
When I make playlists, it's a very natural process that I really enjoy experiencing. Yeah, I do feel that it's more of an experience than a task of my own doing, because like I said, to me it's a natural process, it takes it's own occurrence. It's nice not having to do the work hahaha.
All I do is play the song stuck in my head, which in this case was the song "I'm Only Happy When it Rains" by Garbage. And after that, as this selection comes to a close, with its natural course, a new song pops into my head as the next song. In this case it was "Bubbly" --Colbie Caillat. And then that song ends, and then another song pops into my head. It's really easy. And fun.
Here it is so far-
- Garbage – I’m only happy when it rains
- Colbie Caillat – Bubbly
- Maroon 5 – Sunday Morning
- Rihanna – Umbrella
- Lil Wayne – Make it Rain
- Toto – Africa
- Matchbox 20 – 3AM
Eclectic in genre but I mean, it must be meant to be like that or else it wouldn't have come out like that. that's always what I believe.
I came on here, titling this post "So this is it", because i wanted to imply that i had discovered something, that i had discovered something, and ah, "so this is it"
well that thing is love.
Yeah whatever you can laugh at how cliche that is. Or you can shut up and read. Or listen if you've been imagining my pseudo-man voice. Haha whatever. Proud was on the phone with her friend once when I was hosting a rally in the background, and he said i had a nice voice. so there. =p Ok lemme get on with it-
Last week was Thanksgiving Break.
I was working on something on the computer-- I'm guessing it was editing my Facebook profile-- hahah, when my Gmail notifier popped up with a notification, saying I'd gotten a comment from my brother.
Interesting. He only ever really just replies to mine-- I wonder what was up. That was just for a second.. and then i jumped on the comment LoL.
"Hey, I have to do a gay research thing for history about the Greco-Persian Wars…and in IB we can’t use the internet -_-
So I was wondering if you could attempt to get these books for me from the UCLA library. Yea please get them before you come home tomorrow and don’t forget to bring them because I need them next Monday. Ok thanks. Here is a list of books you can get, but are not limited to. I need about 6 books minimum. So yea, sorry if you have to break your back to bring them home.
Histories – By Herodotus
Persians – By Aeschylus
Histories – By Diodorus
Of the books above I need only two.
The Greco-Persian Wars by P. Green
The Defense of Greece by J. Lazenby
Xerxes’ Invasion of Greece by C. Hignett
And any other book you might find about the Greco-Persian Wars and the Battle of Thermopylae."
Yeah not too alarming right? Wrong. Key words here: Yea please get them before you come home tomorrow
EXCUSE ME?? You tell me the NIGHT before the MORNING i come home to search through a university library for six books that obviously aren't common enough in the real world for you to find in any other library and who even knows if they'll be here and you need them next MONDAY??
see.
that's how i would have responded.
but it went more like this:
EXCUSE ME??
Ok I'll do it.
So that's it.
You usually know when you love someone. But sometimes there are such tangible reminders, like some acorn of realization just fell out of the tree of love and hit you on your head, and you know right then, you don't only feel that you love them, or say you do, but with reminders like that, you really know.
So I get out of lecture on Wednesday, its 10 A.M. I head straight to Powell, with a FIRE burning in me. What I wanted, was nothing more than to find each and every single book my brother had asked for. I imagined his contentment, his bolstered faith that I could and I would do anything for him, that he could always count on me, (although I preferred not the day before it's necessary but oh well because i love him right haha). I enter Powell, put up with a rude librarian, confuse myself with catalogue numbers and acres of bookshelves, discover parts of the library i never even knew existed, only to come up, with zero of the books my brother wanted.
I wanted to kill myself.
Painstakingly I looked through anonymous shelves to find SOMETHING. From the moment that fire burned in me, I had felt that acorn hit me on the head. I was living a tangible moment of realization that I really love my brother. But I felt it even more so when I was looking so hard for these books. Because that was it. KNOWING, knowing knowing knowing, that this wasn't easy, that this wasn't fair, that maybe this wasn't possible, that this was in a way, out of my way, knowing all of that-- I still wanted to do it. Key word there, i really wanted to do it. I didn't care. I wanted so much to do this for him.
I looked through the online catalogues again and realized, I might have better luck at the Charles E. Young Research Library. All the way North Campus. Not too far from where I already was-- but still. Well if there was a chance there, that's where I'd be. So I left Powell and marched.
I felt it then, i knew it, so this is it. This is love. Sure, it's not me donating my kidney. Which I would do. But given the circumstances in the scale of my little college world, this was significantly me going out of my everyday way. But I just really wanted to do it so much. I just wanted to do it for him.
Point of the story is
I got all the books. And I remember walking back, feeling SO accomplished, SO content, SO GOOD, and just thinking, so this is it. this is love. love with its many definitions, and i had collected another one. a very strong one in my opinion. when you know it wont be easy, when it will be hard, when presented with an irrational request, and regardless of what you should or should not do, you do it because you WANT to for this person. that's love. when you want to, not because you have to.
My brother is my brother, my family. Yeah, I could have "had" to get the books for him or else I'd have to hear about it from somebody else maybe. But that never crossed my mind.
That's love.
Happy belated brah-
Love
Sis
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
words and weapons
Lo Ling; "Last Nite" -The Strokes; 1:30am; rieber 523, desk; feeling: take it or leave it but more on the take it side
Hmmmmmm
words.
Words are such flirts, fruitful efforts, such fighters, and sometimes they're really bad failures.
I forget
exactly what it is that brings me to speak on the behalf of the words we speak--
except that i recall their vast power to stir a soul and make it want to believe it can do crazy things, with the simple toss of an idea or a lyric from a song, as if it were to be lolling off your very tongue, kind of like you meant it. like you meant it for me.
words are what you say whether or not thats what you're saying. and thats the danger of words. it's not as dangerous for you to say what you are saying, as it is for the person who is interpreting it.
what is it, some trick, or some truth --to present words in a clear and enticing way to lead the way, to open the door for someone who will take the opportunity to build a room from your door in which to step in. someone might. so you need to be careful-
gotta mean what ya say, eh? and you gotta say it the right way.
some words can get you exactly what you want. and some might get people thinking the way you want. and some might get people thinking all the wrong things. and you control it. whether you mean it or not it's just in the words you put out that reflect you. some words are pretty, pretty meaningful. some words are just pretty, and pretty empty. but who's to say the latter can't be shared. it would be just like a painting.
but even then all paintings carry some meaning, dont they?
i hope mine would.
such flirts,
fruitful efforts,
such fighters,
and sometimes they're really bad failures.
Here's to fruitful efforts.
Now excuse me while i enjoy The Strokes, "Someday".
Hmmmmmm
words.
Words are such flirts, fruitful efforts, such fighters, and sometimes they're really bad failures.
I forget
exactly what it is that brings me to speak on the behalf of the words we speak--
except that i recall their vast power to stir a soul and make it want to believe it can do crazy things, with the simple toss of an idea or a lyric from a song, as if it were to be lolling off your very tongue, kind of like you meant it. like you meant it for me.
words are what you say whether or not thats what you're saying. and thats the danger of words. it's not as dangerous for you to say what you are saying, as it is for the person who is interpreting it.
what is it, some trick, or some truth --to present words in a clear and enticing way to lead the way, to open the door for someone who will take the opportunity to build a room from your door in which to step in. someone might. so you need to be careful-
gotta mean what ya say, eh? and you gotta say it the right way.
some words can get you exactly what you want. and some might get people thinking the way you want. and some might get people thinking all the wrong things. and you control it. whether you mean it or not it's just in the words you put out that reflect you. some words are pretty, pretty meaningful. some words are just pretty, and pretty empty. but who's to say the latter can't be shared. it would be just like a painting.
but even then all paintings carry some meaning, dont they?
i hope mine would.
such flirts,
fruitful efforts,
such fighters,
and sometimes they're really bad failures.
Here's to fruitful efforts.
Now excuse me while i enjoy The Strokes, "Someday".
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Black Bullet of Grace
Lo Ling; "Four Leaf Clover" -Badly Drawn Boy; 10:11am; rieber 523, desk; feeling: positive and bright.
For Paul
my beautiful, beautiful Beta fish
He's a black bullet
that cuts through the water clear like obsidian
Followed by ribbons of the most royal blue
and the red of merlot wine lasting in the trail he's marked
his entourage his own fins and tail
Finally coming to a rest stop
above the black black stones lining his land and
He stays suspended
claiming it as his own And then
He shoots up again, shining
in the water flashing then glittering his iridiscent appendages,
flickering back and forth as if maybe
he were my favorite star in the sky
burning the most furiously
the most ambitiously
the most brightly and now so up high-
And finally he comes to rest again
in between the two largest stones, as if
they were marking this king's throne
like Odysseus after the Odyssey
and no one can deny him this bowl as his sea
and this bullet of power and fury and grace
and this bullet full of beauty
he belongs to me
For Paul
my beautiful, beautiful Beta fish
He's a black bullet
that cuts through the water clear like obsidian
Followed by ribbons of the most royal blue
and the red of merlot wine lasting in the trail he's marked
his entourage his own fins and tail
Finally coming to a rest stop
above the black black stones lining his land and
He stays suspended
claiming it as his own And then
He shoots up again, shining
in the water flashing then glittering his iridiscent appendages,
flickering back and forth as if maybe
he were my favorite star in the sky
burning the most furiously
the most ambitiously
the most brightly and now so up high-
And finally he comes to rest again
in between the two largest stones, as if
they were marking this king's throne
like Odysseus after the Odyssey
and no one can deny him this bowl as his sea
and this bullet of power and fury and grace
and this bullet full of beauty
he belongs to me
Sunday, October 21, 2007
i said i'd never leave
Lo Ling; the Discovery Channel; 12:44pm; my pretty purple room in the DB; feeling: nostalgic.
I was just reading through my old myspace blogs.
It was enjoyable.
I found this old one, and, it made me smile.
January 17th, 2006
I was just reading through my old myspace blogs.
It was enjoyable.
I found this old one, and, it made me smile.
January 17th, 2006
you and me baby
Current mood: 
crazy
so
i think i finally met my best friend
now i just gotta make him realize it too.
hahaha i love it.
12:03 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Friday, October 19, 2007
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
Lo Ling; #41 (Live) -Dave Matthews Band; 12:46pm; the Reeb-523; feeling: bloated, and content.
It's my birthday.
This entire week, I'd been feeling excited, though not sure for what. I was never put in charge before of my own birthday "celebration", though I've had plenty of good times putting on celebrations for others. So with no practice of my own... FOR my own, and no known other celebratory notice for this day, I really had nothing specific to be excited about. Except the number 19.
So as I was expressing this to my roommate Mary, she quickly shushed me, saying "Lo! It's your DAY. The day your mom LABORED for you on your behalf and STRUGGLED and SCREAMED and finally, and then, you entered this world!"
And I realized
I should be celebrating my MOM on my birthday.
And I'm pretty sure there was no screaming involved. My mom always explained that it was pretty simple with both me and my brother. Check the diameter, call for a C-section, put her out, cut me out.
But I definitely owe my mom for the whole 9 months before that day, on October 19th, 1988... at the hour of midnight and some minutes that only my dad can ever remember (that's so sweet.) that I finally entered this ... flippin ... WORLD. And I definitely owe her for the 19 years after that.
So heeeeeeere's to you mom. Happy Birth-giving Day to you.
I love you.
& the featured photo-
It's my birthday.
This entire week, I'd been feeling excited, though not sure for what. I was never put in charge before of my own birthday "celebration", though I've had plenty of good times putting on celebrations for others. So with no practice of my own... FOR my own, and no known other celebratory notice for this day, I really had nothing specific to be excited about. Except the number 19.
So as I was expressing this to my roommate Mary, she quickly shushed me, saying "Lo! It's your DAY. The day your mom LABORED for you on your behalf and STRUGGLED and SCREAMED and finally, and then, you entered this world!"
And I realized
I should be celebrating my MOM on my birthday.
And I'm pretty sure there was no screaming involved. My mom always explained that it was pretty simple with both me and my brother. Check the diameter, call for a C-section, put her out, cut me out.
But I definitely owe my mom for the whole 9 months before that day, on October 19th, 1988... at the hour of midnight and some minutes that only my dad can ever remember (that's so sweet.) that I finally entered this ... flippin ... WORLD. And I definitely owe her for the 19 years after that.
So heeeeeeere's to you mom. Happy Birth-giving Day to you.
I love you.
& the featured photo-
Thursday, October 18, 2007
"We need to talk"
Lo Ling; "Fight Outta You" -Ben Harper & my fan blowing; 5:32PM; the reeb 523; feeling: curious
In Chem lecture yesterday, I don't remember exactly what it was, but Professor P.B. made a joke about the classic statement heard by women all over the world,
"We need to talk."
My thoughts on the statement? As passed on to Mary who was sitting next to me, I pass them on to you...
In the future,
whenever I feel anxiously in love with my husband and desire so to tell him, I'm gonna say,
"We need to talk."
okay.
moving on.
a little while ago i was feeling not so happy because my friends don't like using their phones, so i'm going to talk about things that make me happy. Like things that start with the letter M...
for
Mondays!
Because I really love my Mondays. And I am cordially inviting you, if you know who Lo Ling is, to join her (that would be M for ME) on my Monday afternoons.
Mondays go like this, Chem lecture at 9, Comm discussion at 12, and then Chem discussion at 2.
You're probably thinking, "WTF Lo."
The happiest part of my Mondays consist of the hour between Comm discussion and Chem discussion, when I jaunt happily over to an on-campus eatery which is still a (M for...) mystery, to me because I have yet to find out it's name. However, this is where I am asking you to join me for lunch at 1:00PM if you happen to be in the area. This mysterious place that features really good teriyaki chicken is located directly to the right of Public Policy, somewhat to the far left of Bunche, and to the ... well, behind this building whose name I just forgot. Sorry. But just give me a ring on the (M for...) mobile phone.
(M for...) moving on (OK I'll stop that..)
I think I really just like the convenience of having this place to go in between my two discussion sections-- which are conveniently located in the same building. This convenience is heightened by the fact that it has become a new routine for me, and we all know, familiarity breeds content. I like having this destination, the somewhere I'd like to be, that is now somewhere I need to be. It's simple, just a patio, tables and chairs, some large umbrellas to sit under. It's just very quaint, mellow, connected yet independent, open and airy, and very nice. I always feel like its good weather there. (Which for me is defined by a very wide spectrum... anything that doesn't include a temperature over 87 degrees). I look forward to my Mondays now, something I never thought I'd say, sitting in the patio, being productive and feeling quite collegiate.
I said I was going to move on.
peacelate and this was probably the worst blog I have written in my life.
Featured Picture-
In Chem lecture yesterday, I don't remember exactly what it was, but Professor P.B. made a joke about the classic statement heard by women all over the world,
"We need to talk."
My thoughts on the statement? As passed on to Mary who was sitting next to me, I pass them on to you...
In the future,
whenever I feel anxiously in love with my husband and desire so to tell him, I'm gonna say,
"We need to talk."
okay.
moving on.
a little while ago i was feeling not so happy because my friends don't like using their phones, so i'm going to talk about things that make me happy. Like things that start with the letter M...
for
Mondays!
Because I really love my Mondays. And I am cordially inviting you, if you know who Lo Ling is, to join her (that would be M for ME) on my Monday afternoons.
Mondays go like this, Chem lecture at 9, Comm discussion at 12, and then Chem discussion at 2.
You're probably thinking, "WTF Lo."
The happiest part of my Mondays consist of the hour between Comm discussion and Chem discussion, when I jaunt happily over to an on-campus eatery which is still a (M for...) mystery, to me because I have yet to find out it's name. However, this is where I am asking you to join me for lunch at 1:00PM if you happen to be in the area. This mysterious place that features really good teriyaki chicken is located directly to the right of Public Policy, somewhat to the far left of Bunche, and to the ... well, behind this building whose name I just forgot. Sorry. But just give me a ring on the (M for...) mobile phone.
(M for...) moving on (OK I'll stop that..)
I think I really just like the convenience of having this place to go in between my two discussion sections-- which are conveniently located in the same building. This convenience is heightened by the fact that it has become a new routine for me, and we all know, familiarity breeds content. I like having this destination, the somewhere I'd like to be, that is now somewhere I need to be. It's simple, just a patio, tables and chairs, some large umbrellas to sit under. It's just very quaint, mellow, connected yet independent, open and airy, and very nice. I always feel like its good weather there. (Which for me is defined by a very wide spectrum... anything that doesn't include a temperature over 87 degrees). I look forward to my Mondays now, something I never thought I'd say, sitting in the patio, being productive and feeling quite collegiate.
I said I was going to move on.
peacelate and this was probably the worst blog I have written in my life.
Featured Picture-
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
I need you like a heart needs a beat but it's nothing new
Lo Ling; listening to "Apologize" by Timbaland ft. One Republic... other way around? hmm; 9:26 AM; my laptop my desk my room my rieber; feeling anxious slightly
I know... it's only been ten hours and I'm already writing another one of these. I can't help it. There's just so much to SHARE. Pretty word.
Alright so today's thought includes one thing. But I'm gonna throw in something from past days as well.
This
morning, I got up, as I do every day, to the sound of my roommate Mary's alarm clock radio. I don't remember what song was playing, which probably goes to show that I really didn't like it. And I went back to bed. Only to be woken a few minutes later by the voice of either a phone-sex operator, or someone imPERSONating a phone-sex operator, operating on the radio DJs...I don't know what station it was except that I don't usually listen to it and now I know why.
Regardless, a couple mornings ago, I was so beautifully awoken by the song "Apologize" (that which I am currently listening to) on Mary's alarm clock radio. I'm really not here to talk about the song. It could have been any song I hold a current infatuation for. It's the concept, the feeling of simply,
waking up to something you really like.
I remember waking up to "Daughters" by John Mayer once back at home. That was very nice too.
My point is
today I woke up to some song that I really didn't care about, and in order to make it up to myself I decided I would just play "Apologize" for myself via youtube--hahaha, and THAT would help me enjoy my waking hours.
My point is
that's not how it works
formeatleast
I didn't even play myself the song after I got up because I realize the effect was gone. Enjoy my "waking" hours? I was already awake. Something unexpected, a surprise, an unsuspected melody, these are all gifts from Mr. or Ms. Let LIFE Make Your Day Because You Probably Get Tired Of Making It Yourself. The song is no less great now that I sit here listening to it, but the feeling I get now is different from the one I got those couple of mornings ago. It's really just like this simple GIFT, before you're even awake. And then you are. And it's so happy. I guess if I had to find an analogy it could be like getting up on Christmas morning. Except I don't know what that specifically feels like. But I think the parallel is there. You know what I mean?
I guess that's all I wanted to say. I like music I like in the morning. Shrug.
Next up.
Has anyone seen the music video for "AYO Technology" ? Well I have.
And I wish I hadn't. I think instead of "AYO Technology" they should have called it
"Watch media moghuls Timbaland, Justin Timberlake, and 50 Cent undertake another industry--PORN!!! Featuring Justin Timberlake and 50 Cent as co-directors, costume directors, and co-stars, and Timbaland as--duh, the producer."
I'm not kidding. Basically it's a bunch of models in their skivvies occassionally, actually a lot of the time, up on the "co-stars", and then we see Timbaland in his chair, moving these clips through thin air, editing, arranging, producing the whole damn thing.
I thought Justin was classy. I should have known!
Good song though.
So anyway, here's a video. No. Not AYO. I'm not puttin that on here. It's "Apologize", and I think it's probably one of the best music videos I've seen recently. It's simplistically and aesthetically constructed, and that's all I really ask out of life.
Oh yeah, and for surprises. =)
Enjoy.
Monday, October 8, 2007
You don't know what you've got
until you've gone for what you could have gotten.
If I could teach every good person in the world one thing, it would be what I learned from my roommate Sasha last year:
If I could teach every good person in the world one thing, it would be what I learned from my roommate Sasha last year:
"Big Risks; Big Rewards"
to be free with ones expressions, feelings, and desires. Would you like to make some noise? Make some noise. Would you like to call me for no reason? Call me for no reason. Would you like to climb Mount Everest? Climb Mount Everest. (I trust that you want to climb Mount Everest on the basis that you are sure you are capable of doing so.) Are you dying to pay a visit? Pay a visit. Wanna hang from the ceilings? Go for that job? Hang. Go! Quit your facebook? QUIT IT!
take your risks
...to laugh in the face of whatever is awkward and "what if it's" awkward--for you? for him? her? them? who? what? awkward? forget the term. awkward is insecure. what may be awkward is what is insecure. let's grow up. let's take chances.
...to make the decisions that he or she (meaning you) may be unsure of--
to always think in terms of "big risks; big rewards."
this is what has bred my happiness
Last quarter, last summer, into today
though I have not always carpe diem-ed in the ways of big risks when I wanted to, which is when I should have, every time that I have done so has honestly, truly, NEVER yielded me less than big rewards.
True
that I am an optimistic person
and those of an optimistic nature may fall easily to self-fulfilling prophecies
but it is also
true
that the act of taking big risks
is not self-fulfilling--
You must do it to it.
And in the instance that there is failure. Or a less than expected outcome...
so FLIPPING what.
!?
we are all allowed "off" days. off days are welcome here and "on" days aren't numbered. so try again tomorrow. tonight? maybe you're on tonight. maybe it's THE night. How will you know?
goodnight.
"Do one thing every day that scares you." --Eleanor Roosevelt
take your risks
...to laugh in the face of whatever is awkward and "what if it's" awkward--for you? for him? her? them? who? what? awkward? forget the term. awkward is insecure. what may be awkward is what is insecure. let's grow up. let's take chances.
...to make the decisions that he or she (meaning you) may be unsure of--
to always think in terms of "big risks; big rewards."
this is what has bred my happiness
Last quarter, last summer, into today
though I have not always carpe diem-ed in the ways of big risks when I wanted to, which is when I should have, every time that I have done so has honestly, truly, NEVER yielded me less than big rewards.
True
that I am an optimistic person
and those of an optimistic nature may fall easily to self-fulfilling prophecies
but it is also
true
that the act of taking big risks
is not self-fulfilling--
You must do it to it.
And in the instance that there is failure. Or a less than expected outcome...
so FLIPPING what.
!?
we are all allowed "off" days. off days are welcome here and "on" days aren't numbered. so try again tomorrow. tonight? maybe you're on tonight. maybe it's THE night. How will you know?
goodnight.
"Do one thing every day that scares you." --Eleanor Roosevelt
"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail..." --Unknown
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
you know what time it is
WOOOOORRRD VOOOMITTTT
lemme go at em
arite first things first
yesterday i saw a boy walking up the hill with a mustard-yellow jansport backpack. same as mine, but mustard yellow. it was hot, and although i'm probably not going to ask for a birthday present, if i were to ask for one, i would ask for that simple one pocketed mustard yellow jansport backpack.
second thing
i'm annoying myself with how much i can miss someone. sometimes i can hear myself telling myself to shut up because she's heard "i miss so and so" so many times. it's a good feeling though, knowing that i'm capable of feeling these strong of emotions, and in an ironic way, that i'm also capable of holding it in.
third thing
i can totally be "gossip girl"
and i will.
last night while taking my seat in Rieber Dining Hall, i spotted D on what immediately seemed to me was a date. she was dressed up, and though i can't give too many details for the sake of anonymity, she was wearing "Rihanna earrings", a halter top, short skirt, and the cheesy romantic grin that was the first thing that gave it away. She and her boy, who we'll call Ben, were tucked away behind a pillar by the window. that may have been the second thing giving it away. that strategically located (hidden) table is perfect for those wishing to cast illusion upon themselves as being in a private place... aka: dateworthy.
interestingly enough, D lives in a building down the hill known as dykstra. and Ben doesn't live on campus.
so why rieber?
sanctuary from the prying eyes of too-close-for-comfort floormates?
i mean, i definitely know it wasn't for the food.
regardless, my tablemates had a good time joking about what the scene must have been at the swipe-station...
D: oh, my bruincard..
Ben: oh no, this one's on me!
(turns to swiper) two swipes please
D: oh ben (googley eyes)
haha
that's funny
but secretly (ok so not so secret anyMORE)... i thought it was pretty cute. although i probably wouldn't have gotten dressed up just out of situational chameleon-ism. (blending into your surroundings.)
ok i'm scaring myself with this.
no more.
peace late
and dont stop believin
lemme go at em
arite first things first
yesterday i saw a boy walking up the hill with a mustard-yellow jansport backpack. same as mine, but mustard yellow. it was hot, and although i'm probably not going to ask for a birthday present, if i were to ask for one, i would ask for that simple one pocketed mustard yellow jansport backpack.
second thing
i'm annoying myself with how much i can miss someone. sometimes i can hear myself telling myself to shut up because she's heard "i miss so and so" so many times. it's a good feeling though, knowing that i'm capable of feeling these strong of emotions, and in an ironic way, that i'm also capable of holding it in.
third thing
i can totally be "gossip girl"
and i will.
last night while taking my seat in Rieber Dining Hall, i spotted D on what immediately seemed to me was a date. she was dressed up, and though i can't give too many details for the sake of anonymity, she was wearing "Rihanna earrings", a halter top, short skirt, and the cheesy romantic grin that was the first thing that gave it away. She and her boy, who we'll call Ben, were tucked away behind a pillar by the window. that may have been the second thing giving it away. that strategically located (hidden) table is perfect for those wishing to cast illusion upon themselves as being in a private place... aka: dateworthy.
interestingly enough, D lives in a building down the hill known as dykstra. and Ben doesn't live on campus.
so why rieber?
sanctuary from the prying eyes of too-close-for-comfort floormates?
i mean, i definitely know it wasn't for the food.
regardless, my tablemates had a good time joking about what the scene must have been at the swipe-station...
D: oh, my bruincard..
Ben: oh no, this one's on me!
(turns to swiper) two swipes please
D: oh ben (googley eyes)
haha
that's funny
but secretly (ok so not so secret anyMORE)... i thought it was pretty cute. although i probably wouldn't have gotten dressed up just out of situational chameleon-ism. (blending into your surroundings.)
ok i'm scaring myself with this.
no more.
peace late
and dont stop believin
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
breathe
you know sometimes, when you should be sleeping
you're really awake
and what you really want to be awake for is just to talk to someone
but you're too tired to really look at a screen
or type on a keyboard
because you know you just need the voice
i think that's what phones are for
call me
you're really awake
and what you really want to be awake for is just to talk to someone
but you're too tired to really look at a screen
or type on a keyboard
because you know you just need the voice
i think that's what phones are for
call me
Friday, September 7, 2007
Baby come back to me
Lo Ling; watching "Life of Ryan" on mTV; 11:43 pm; on the laptop, on the floor, in our family room; still feeling relieved =)
I'd really like to be a blogger. I post things here and there when i feel like i really have something to share, but, maybe i should do it more often. about more things.
I just don't want to talk about things that don't matter. You know?
But. This is my personal blog and i'm gonna personally blog about whatever I want now. And you can tell me how amazingly crappy or amazingly good it is. I mean, it's just a blog. =)
So I'm gonna talk, and you said you want to listen. So if you're listening, I'm gonna talk!
=p
So last night my pal Rodeo (everyone on my blog is kept under pseudonyms. Because i love naming things. I think that's one of the best parts about getting pets.), sends me an IM to keep me aware of whats going on in the glittery world of celebreality, because everyone knows I don't do it on my own. (I seriously found out that Paris was in jail after she was already out. Maybe even for the second time. Or was it third? Haha okay maybe not, i mean c'mon it was even on CNN. =p ) Apparently naked pictures of Vanessa Anne Hudgens have been found floating around on the internet.
At first my thought was, it's probably just a fake. I mean the girl is only 18. Isn't that a little young to have naked pictures of yourself? (To be honest I think any living age is too young to have naked pictures of yourself, but speaking relatively... the girl barely turned legal.)
After those two quick seconds of inquiry, I quickly turned my thoughts away from this matter because it doesn't matter to me. I was kind of left with no opinion, no judgment on it. I liked it like that. That's her business and though it has chosen to involve much of the world with it, I'd rather not disrespect her or myself by delving into a matter that really has nothing to do with me or affect the way I live, or strangely enough, how I even think of Vanessa Hudgens because i've never had a strong opinion on her anyhow.
A few good hours later, I sent a hello AIM to another friend of mine, Hart. By this time I had really put the vanessa scandal behind me, which was easy to do given the little thought i had put into it.
Hart has always been a big fan of "baby v", and just out of conversation's sake, i asked her if she was still a fan. this had nothing to do with the news i had heard a couple hours earlier, because i really had forgotten about it. i was just asking because after watching HSM with two of my friends earlier that day, and then watching about 1/6 of HSM2 via tvlinks, I had decided I was a bigger Ashley Tisdale fan. Hart replied with yeah, she still was a vanessa hudgens fan, and that she felt really bad for her right now. ...Felt really bad for her? Why? Oh. that's right.
And then i remembered. Naked pictures.
I think that was then that it hit me how much it really SUCKED. You think I would have realized when i heard NUDE PICTURES the first time. Wow.
And it was finally, after hearing Hart say that she felt bad for her, that really, finally, gave me something back that i had started to miss without even realizing it. (i should probably tell you what that is now but i'll just let you read on. =p )
I really try to stay somewhat disconnected from that realm (called Hollywood) because i feel, well i feel a lot of ways about it. i don't want to be a puppet, manipulated by tabloids and influenced by lives so separate and surreal from mine and the people and things i REALLY care about. i also, don't want to put myself in a place where i feel it's okay to judge people that in their surrealism, are very real. I realize that by paying attention to tabloids and media and things of that nature, i, or anyone, can easily feel like they have that right to place judgment on these people. for example, i used to really really not like natalie portman. but looking back, what did i have to judge her on? a magazine article? a youtube video? how can anyone condense who they are and what theyve been through into THAT. an interview, a photo, a press conference.
i feel that, if you are a good person, it shouldn't be that hard to portray that anyway. but then again, portraying that you are a good person and portraying who you ARE can be very different. i think i'm digressing.
anyway. let me get back to what i was trying to say.
so, i don't want to put myself in a place where i feel it's okay to judge people that in their surrealism, are very real.
real, but different. they lead a different lifestyle and that's it and that's how i'd like to think of it. even the guy down the street could have a different lifestyle than mine, right? yeah.. but if something terrible were to happen to him, i'd still feel bad for him.
so in my attempt to build walls between me and celebrity, i guess i was forgetting that they were human. was i making them so different that i couldn't allow myself to even sympathize for them anymore?
Finally, last night, i snapped out of it.
And it was for the same reasons that i have attempted to remain oblivious to these tidbits of celebreality, trying to reduce celebrities to the regular people that they are, to not pass judgment on them the same way i wouldn't on you, that i FINALLY realized that its okay to feel something for them, to sympathize, because yes, they ARE regular people, and by regular people i mean human. and just like i would feel upset and sympathetic for you and your sister if nude pictures of her were to pop up all over the internet, i couldn't help but feel that way for vanessa now too.
I owe much of this realization, as i had started to say, to my friend who I am calling on here "Hart". And that's because she really is this big throbbing heart of a person. She said, that she felt really bad for vanessa. and that was like, it was like a lightbulb on my heart went on for vanessa and her incident, instead of the one in my head telling me to just block all that "media crap" out.
I acknowledged my sympathy for vanessa and it felt really good. at the same time, neither Hart nor i could refute that fact that what vanessa had done was wrong. (Vanessa's publicist released a statement saying the pictures were the real deal.)
It was wrong. And a mistake. And i'd like to give vanessa the benefit of the doubt and think that it's something of her past and that she is different now. i know i've made mistakes. nothing like that but, i think we all have something about us in the past that has very little to do with defining who we are now. i do believe that making the mistakes that we make and taking what we can learn from them play a strong part in who we become. but i don't believe that it's the mistakes themselves that define us.
I asked Hart though, not "how could anyone do something so blatantly wrong", but why. because there must have been a reason and i'd really like to understand why.
We have our own theories but in the end Hart and I decided that Vanessa was young, naive, and in the negative influence and of course, the realm of very poor judgment.
And so i sympathize. It was wrong. That's the truth. But i'm not going to call her a slut. Maybe she is. but like i said, i'm not going to judge her on one picture. even though its probably of her being a slut. (i haven't seen the picture i don't want to just out of respect and... decency. lol). But i am going to feel for her. because i'm a human being. and yeah. so is sheeeee.
I'd really like to be a blogger. I post things here and there when i feel like i really have something to share, but, maybe i should do it more often. about more things.
I just don't want to talk about things that don't matter. You know?
But. This is my personal blog and i'm gonna personally blog about whatever I want now. And you can tell me how amazingly crappy or amazingly good it is. I mean, it's just a blog. =)
So I'm gonna talk, and you said you want to listen. So if you're listening, I'm gonna talk!
=p
So last night my pal Rodeo (everyone on my blog is kept under pseudonyms. Because i love naming things. I think that's one of the best parts about getting pets.), sends me an IM to keep me aware of whats going on in the glittery world of celebreality, because everyone knows I don't do it on my own. (I seriously found out that Paris was in jail after she was already out. Maybe even for the second time. Or was it third? Haha okay maybe not, i mean c'mon it was even on CNN. =p ) Apparently naked pictures of Vanessa Anne Hudgens have been found floating around on the internet.
At first my thought was, it's probably just a fake. I mean the girl is only 18. Isn't that a little young to have naked pictures of yourself? (To be honest I think any living age is too young to have naked pictures of yourself, but speaking relatively... the girl barely turned legal.)
After those two quick seconds of inquiry, I quickly turned my thoughts away from this matter because it doesn't matter to me. I was kind of left with no opinion, no judgment on it. I liked it like that. That's her business and though it has chosen to involve much of the world with it, I'd rather not disrespect her or myself by delving into a matter that really has nothing to do with me or affect the way I live, or strangely enough, how I even think of Vanessa Hudgens because i've never had a strong opinion on her anyhow.
A few good hours later, I sent a hello AIM to another friend of mine, Hart. By this time I had really put the vanessa scandal behind me, which was easy to do given the little thought i had put into it.
Hart has always been a big fan of "baby v", and just out of conversation's sake, i asked her if she was still a fan. this had nothing to do with the news i had heard a couple hours earlier, because i really had forgotten about it. i was just asking because after watching HSM with two of my friends earlier that day, and then watching about 1/6 of HSM2 via tvlinks, I had decided I was a bigger Ashley Tisdale fan. Hart replied with yeah, she still was a vanessa hudgens fan, and that she felt really bad for her right now. ...Felt really bad for her? Why? Oh. that's right.
And then i remembered. Naked pictures.
I think that was then that it hit me how much it really SUCKED. You think I would have realized when i heard NUDE PICTURES the first time. Wow.
And it was finally, after hearing Hart say that she felt bad for her, that really, finally, gave me something back that i had started to miss without even realizing it. (i should probably tell you what that is now but i'll just let you read on. =p )
I really try to stay somewhat disconnected from that realm (called Hollywood) because i feel, well i feel a lot of ways about it. i don't want to be a puppet, manipulated by tabloids and influenced by lives so separate and surreal from mine and the people and things i REALLY care about. i also, don't want to put myself in a place where i feel it's okay to judge people that in their surrealism, are very real. I realize that by paying attention to tabloids and media and things of that nature, i, or anyone, can easily feel like they have that right to place judgment on these people. for example, i used to really really not like natalie portman. but looking back, what did i have to judge her on? a magazine article? a youtube video? how can anyone condense who they are and what theyve been through into THAT. an interview, a photo, a press conference.
i feel that, if you are a good person, it shouldn't be that hard to portray that anyway. but then again, portraying that you are a good person and portraying who you ARE can be very different. i think i'm digressing.
anyway. let me get back to what i was trying to say.
so, i don't want to put myself in a place where i feel it's okay to judge people that in their surrealism, are very real.
real, but different. they lead a different lifestyle and that's it and that's how i'd like to think of it. even the guy down the street could have a different lifestyle than mine, right? yeah.. but if something terrible were to happen to him, i'd still feel bad for him.
so in my attempt to build walls between me and celebrity, i guess i was forgetting that they were human. was i making them so different that i couldn't allow myself to even sympathize for them anymore?
Finally, last night, i snapped out of it.
And it was for the same reasons that i have attempted to remain oblivious to these tidbits of celebreality, trying to reduce celebrities to the regular people that they are, to not pass judgment on them the same way i wouldn't on you, that i FINALLY realized that its okay to feel something for them, to sympathize, because yes, they ARE regular people, and by regular people i mean human. and just like i would feel upset and sympathetic for you and your sister if nude pictures of her were to pop up all over the internet, i couldn't help but feel that way for vanessa now too.
I owe much of this realization, as i had started to say, to my friend who I am calling on here "Hart". And that's because she really is this big throbbing heart of a person. She said, that she felt really bad for vanessa. and that was like, it was like a lightbulb on my heart went on for vanessa and her incident, instead of the one in my head telling me to just block all that "media crap" out.
I acknowledged my sympathy for vanessa and it felt really good. at the same time, neither Hart nor i could refute that fact that what vanessa had done was wrong. (Vanessa's publicist released a statement saying the pictures were the real deal.)
It was wrong. And a mistake. And i'd like to give vanessa the benefit of the doubt and think that it's something of her past and that she is different now. i know i've made mistakes. nothing like that but, i think we all have something about us in the past that has very little to do with defining who we are now. i do believe that making the mistakes that we make and taking what we can learn from them play a strong part in who we become. but i don't believe that it's the mistakes themselves that define us.
I asked Hart though, not "how could anyone do something so blatantly wrong", but why. because there must have been a reason and i'd really like to understand why.
We have our own theories but in the end Hart and I decided that Vanessa was young, naive, and in the negative influence and of course, the realm of very poor judgment.
And so i sympathize. It was wrong. That's the truth. But i'm not going to call her a slut. Maybe she is. but like i said, i'm not going to judge her on one picture. even though its probably of her being a slut. (i haven't seen the picture i don't want to just out of respect and... decency. lol). But i am going to feel for her. because i'm a human being. and yeah. so is sheeeee.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
all hands on deck
is just the name of the webpage i got this picture from:
Johnny Depp has this bracelet that he always wears. You can see it in the picture. It looks like a cheap little thing that probably cost close to nothing to make.
Not true.
Because it's something his kid made for him.
Cheap? No. Au contraire the bracelet is priceless and, less ugly.
And I really want one.
Which I have been wanting for some ample amount of time now. An ugly little bracelet that would stick out like a sore thumb, a possible testament to a bohemian lifestyle full of such discordances (or so I'd like people to think haha!), but in reality just a small but incredibly significant reminder that I'm not alone here. And I would wear with it pride, because whether someone put their whole heart or just two seconds of passive thought into making it, they did it for me.
(I would now like to give a shout out to Rachel Tennant for blessing me last year with not one but two of these, albeit they were not ugly at all. =) Thank you.)
The sad truth, or the beauty of it I guess, (however you choose to look at it) is that the beauty and charm of the bracelet all lies in the gifting, and I guess I should also credit the making of, the item. The significance lies in the "hey, I thought about you," and it changes whatever mismatches, oddities, and awkwardnesses of a string of plastic kiddy beads you never really expected to WEAR into something that you can't wait to put on.
Why did I call this the sad truth?
Simply because sitting on the floor of my friend's game room last night, I decided to make for myself this ugly bracelet that I so coveted, that I so yearned to have nonchalantly dangle from my wrist. It'll still look the same I thought. An ugly plastic beaded bracelet.
And sadly, that was all I had when I was done. An ugly bracelet. If I were to wear this bracelet (which I am now but not for long), I really would have NOTHING to say for myself. In fact it would be my bracelet that would be screaming out, "Hello! My maker has no sense of style, pattern, matching, and her age!"
However. It would be entirely different had my friend made the bracelet for me. Or if it had been anyone of significance. Then the bracelet would be saying, "Look, someone cares about this person, and she cares about them."
And another thing. I can pretty much guarantee that anything someone makes for someone else just WILL NOT be ugly. Not because "it's the thought that counts," but because ... would you really give something to someone thinking that it was ugly? Exactly. These things are unmistakably made beautifully anyway.
But the thought does count. So no worries.
Now please someone, make me a damn bracelet.
and don't you dare forget to wear mine. =)
Johnny Depp has this bracelet that he always wears. You can see it in the picture. It looks like a cheap little thing that probably cost close to nothing to make.
Not true.
Because it's something his kid made for him.
Cheap? No. Au contraire the bracelet is priceless and, less ugly.
And I really want one.
Which I have been wanting for some ample amount of time now. An ugly little bracelet that would stick out like a sore thumb, a possible testament to a bohemian lifestyle full of such discordances (or so I'd like people to think haha!), but in reality just a small but incredibly significant reminder that I'm not alone here. And I would wear with it pride, because whether someone put their whole heart or just two seconds of passive thought into making it, they did it for me.
(I would now like to give a shout out to Rachel Tennant for blessing me last year with not one but two of these, albeit they were not ugly at all. =) Thank you.)
The sad truth, or the beauty of it I guess, (however you choose to look at it) is that the beauty and charm of the bracelet all lies in the gifting, and I guess I should also credit the making of, the item. The significance lies in the "hey, I thought about you," and it changes whatever mismatches, oddities, and awkwardnesses of a string of plastic kiddy beads you never really expected to WEAR into something that you can't wait to put on.
Why did I call this the sad truth?
Simply because sitting on the floor of my friend's game room last night, I decided to make for myself this ugly bracelet that I so coveted, that I so yearned to have nonchalantly dangle from my wrist. It'll still look the same I thought. An ugly plastic beaded bracelet.
And sadly, that was all I had when I was done. An ugly bracelet. If I were to wear this bracelet (which I am now but not for long), I really would have NOTHING to say for myself. In fact it would be my bracelet that would be screaming out, "Hello! My maker has no sense of style, pattern, matching, and her age!"
However. It would be entirely different had my friend made the bracelet for me. Or if it had been anyone of significance. Then the bracelet would be saying, "Look, someone cares about this person, and she cares about them."
And another thing. I can pretty much guarantee that anything someone makes for someone else just WILL NOT be ugly. Not because "it's the thought that counts," but because ... would you really give something to someone thinking that it was ugly? Exactly. These things are unmistakably made beautifully anyway.
But the thought does count. So no worries.
Now please someone, make me a damn bracelet.
and don't you dare forget to wear mine. =)
Sunday, August 26, 2007
It's smallness is not petty;
on the contrary, it is profound.
-Jan Morris
August 23rd-2007
"Ok,
so i'm writing this with my journal open vertically, it's spine going horizontally across my lap, with the words going down along the right edge of the page--the ruled lines looking like they go vertically... (do you know what i'm talking about??) --because sometimes i feel like needing to follow the ruled lines in such a situation (basically, in the back of a moving car) would not only be a limitation on my creative expression, but also very inducive to, well, carsickness.
So I (along with my brother, my mother, my father, my friend, my friend's brother, my friend's mother, & my friend's father) have been riding in this car for QUITE some time, making one night stops at quaint motel-hotels, getting up at reasonable (rather early) hours to do it all again while romping around some few good national parks.
You're already bored.
So am I.
I'm not going to talk about the geysers and bison and hot springs and mudpools i've seen. You can look those up on Wikipedia."
What I AM going to tell you, is about those singular experiences that have altogether made this trip (it was a trip not a vacation and i can now tell the difference between the two) a chapter worth jotting down in "The Life & Times of...." (Lo Ling) =p
I will warn you--in fact I already have; I'm not going to talk about the geysers and bison and hot springs and mudpools. Although I might mention the jetskiing. =)
"...I love it when we're cruisin' together"
i love long car rides. i don't know exactly what it is, maybe the temporary release of any responsibility except that of buckling your seatbelt, or the opportunity to see real life reeling across your window like a movie screen--complete with a soundtrack that will either really match or really...not, or because it's another chance to do my favorite...SLEEP, haha, i don't know. but i really love long car rides.
for me, that was the best part of this mini road trip.
but it wasn't because i got to take four hour naps.. because i didn't. (although there were times i wish i could have to escape incessant chatter and whatever the heck they were calling music at the time) (oh.. first thing learned on this trip: silence IS golden.)
it was because ironically enough, it was during those moments of quite limited movement that i felt the most...
well, yeah. that i felt the most. =)
"...lean on me, when you're not strong..."
As simple as it seems, and as corny as i mayyy souuund... it was here during these 4-8 hour car rides that i realized how beautiful it is when the person sitting next to you leans their head on your shoulder. it is a statement of trust, of belonging, and of comfort. that they are comfortable with you, comfortable in your vicinity, comfortable sharing their vicinity, and my favorite, that the physical comfort they must now be experiencing, is a gift directly from you. i have loved it every time someone in this car has leaned on me. yeah. even with my brother's rather coarse southasian microafro brushin' up on my cheek. hey. my shoulder is my gift. and thanks for yours.
i told you i wasn't going to talk about mudpools and bison.
Hand-holding. There was one time when my friend reached out her hand over the pillow in her brother's lap (he was sitting between us), simply just to hold my hand. Just as an act of friendship and reassurance that we were in this together. As we held hands there on that pillow, her brother, Shaan, grabbed our hands with both of his and just pulled them in towards him. and he just kept 'em there. and all our hands were resting together on that pillow. you can't help it then but to feel something. feels good.
Moving on to the less mushy but (i really apologize) maybe equally corny--
car ride sing-a-longs.
I love it. I really loved singing Vanessa Anne Hudgens' part to "Breaking Free" while Shaan did Zac Efron. I even liked getting rebuked by him for rather caustically imitating Miss Hudgens' voice instead of doing my own. (heyitsnotmyfaulthervoicestinks.) =p
"honey you, are a rock, upon which i stand..."
MOVING ON
(but still talking about long car rides...)
I realize they give you (well, for me at least), a discouragingly enough long time to ponder over all the songs that you LACK on your i-pod:
HOWEVER: long car rides also give you plenty of ample time to revel over the songs you DO have on your ipod. I have now come to realize, for probably the 1230855498th time in my life, that
and now
Hellogoodbye: A Tribute.
Hellogoodbye. I love Hellogoodbye. Often times I am very drawn to lyrics that are poetic in their verse and very open to interpretation. Hellogoodbye's lyrics aren't quite so, and that's EXACTLY (one reason) why I like their songs.
Feelings are often tough cookies to handle. That's why even when I write poems sometimes I can't help but kind of pad the truth that i'm trying to reveal, with metaphors and words and even more feelings. It's hard to say, hey, this is what I think and this is what I feel EXACTLY and openly and honestly, and well, bluntly enough. (OF course there is the use of metaphor and literary devices for the sake of art but that's different......................).
What makes Hellogoodbye so endearing to me are lyrics like
"So if you wanna say 'I-I-I like you', I might feel just like you.. And if you choose- choose not to, I knew- knew you would.."
What doesn't get me about that? By stating such an obvious and honest feeling in just that fitting of a way, with hardly the use of imagery, Hellogoodbye still manages to paint as clear and charming a picture as, let's say, when The Cure sang about how "daylight licked me into shape, I must have been asleep for days, and moving lips to breather her name.."
It's really, great.
Another quite endearing aspect of Hellogoodbye's (I feel like i keep saying "Hellogoodbye" lol) music is their given sense of awkward innocence in between almost childlike adolescent and adult romance. "It is love, from the first time i pressed my hands into yours.." There's a lot of talk of holding hands in their lyrics and some portrayal of those early innocent awkward kisses by Forrest Kline (on vocals & guitar) in their video for Here In Your Arms. (Be sure to check out the version done by The Beluga Whale Foundation here.) Those were definitely some awkward kisses.
I think a lot of people in part find mention of those early and innocent romances almost more enjoyable to hear about (and vicariously relive) than the mature sagas of, for example, Akon's "I Wanna F*ck You"... (i can't tell whether i made a joke or not..), because of the truth innocence and "ease" that came with the emotions of that time in our lives. When we were 10. 12. something. young. er.
And with all that honesty and youth, the melodies and lyrics are very well punctuated by this new techno-y throwback synthdance sound that really delivers the sound of the jittery innocent nervousness of "being in love". It does do something to make you feel that young love inside. Kind of makes me feel like love's a party. Whether he/she loves you or not. Like just the fact that love is a celebration. It's kinda neat.
Even better is how even though the reminder of butterflies and handholding bring us back to those days, not all of the songs on the album Zombies! Aliens! and other stuff i can't remember! are stuck that way. Just like people grow in the way they view love and as certain complications arise in some relationships they enter, the tone/sound/and words to the songs grow in the same way. We go from "All of Your Love", to songs like "Homewrecker". You definitely weren't worrying about those when you were twelve.
Ok last but not least I love how each of their songs sound DIFFERENT but still like Hellogoodbye. I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers but I'm gonna be honest-- Stadium Arcadium is like one loong song.
Also, I think I may have been in even bigger favor of Hellogoodbye on this trip due to songs like "Two Weeks in Hawaii" and "Call N Return (Say That You're Into Me)" which struck a personal chord with me while on this trip.
Oh and "Figures A & B" matches really well with when you stare out your car window as the car moves 80 mph.
So yeah Hellogoodbye is great. And now I feel like throwing up. So I'll talk about how I totally called it on Justin Bobby, and the other random things I found really fascinating on this trip when I get back from... being carsick.
Ok I'm back from my sickness but I can probably only last long enough to say, long car rides are also really great for discovering GEMS of songs on your iPod that you never knew you had.
Check it out: "My Personal Moon" by Madison Park on the album Boutique.
more tomorrow
peacelate and lots of love. and sleep.
"..the miles of air and road and land that separate me from all my plans, we're havin' havin' havin', havin' fun
but something tells me I miss someone.."
-Jan Morris
August 23rd-2007
"Ok,
so i'm writing this with my journal open vertically, it's spine going horizontally across my lap, with the words going down along the right edge of the page--the ruled lines looking like they go vertically... (do you know what i'm talking about??) --because sometimes i feel like needing to follow the ruled lines in such a situation (basically, in the back of a moving car) would not only be a limitation on my creative expression, but also very inducive to, well, carsickness.
So I (along with my brother, my mother, my father, my friend, my friend's brother, my friend's mother, & my friend's father) have been riding in this car for QUITE some time, making one night stops at quaint motel-hotels, getting up at reasonable (rather early) hours to do it all again while romping around some few good national parks.
You're already bored.
So am I.
I'm not going to talk about the geysers and bison and hot springs and mudpools i've seen. You can look those up on Wikipedia."
What I AM going to tell you, is about those singular experiences that have altogether made this trip (it was a trip not a vacation and i can now tell the difference between the two) a chapter worth jotting down in "The Life & Times of...." (Lo Ling) =p
I will warn you--in fact I already have; I'm not going to talk about the geysers and bison and hot springs and mudpools. Although I might mention the jetskiing. =)
"...I love it when we're cruisin' together"
i love long car rides. i don't know exactly what it is, maybe the temporary release of any responsibility except that of buckling your seatbelt, or the opportunity to see real life reeling across your window like a movie screen--complete with a soundtrack that will either really match or really...not, or because it's another chance to do my favorite...SLEEP, haha, i don't know. but i really love long car rides.
for me, that was the best part of this mini road trip.
but it wasn't because i got to take four hour naps.. because i didn't. (although there were times i wish i could have to escape incessant chatter and whatever the heck they were calling music at the time) (oh.. first thing learned on this trip: silence IS golden.)
it was because ironically enough, it was during those moments of quite limited movement that i felt the most...
well, yeah. that i felt the most. =)
"...lean on me, when you're not strong..."
As simple as it seems, and as corny as i mayyy souuund... it was here during these 4-8 hour car rides that i realized how beautiful it is when the person sitting next to you leans their head on your shoulder. it is a statement of trust, of belonging, and of comfort. that they are comfortable with you, comfortable in your vicinity, comfortable sharing their vicinity, and my favorite, that the physical comfort they must now be experiencing, is a gift directly from you. i have loved it every time someone in this car has leaned on me. yeah. even with my brother's rather coarse southasian microafro brushin' up on my cheek. hey. my shoulder is my gift. and thanks for yours.
i told you i wasn't going to talk about mudpools and bison.
Hand-holding. There was one time when my friend reached out her hand over the pillow in her brother's lap (he was sitting between us), simply just to hold my hand. Just as an act of friendship and reassurance that we were in this together. As we held hands there on that pillow, her brother, Shaan, grabbed our hands with both of his and just pulled them in towards him. and he just kept 'em there. and all our hands were resting together on that pillow. you can't help it then but to feel something. feels good.
Moving on to the less mushy but (i really apologize) maybe equally corny--
car ride sing-a-longs.
I love it. I really loved singing Vanessa Anne Hudgens' part to "Breaking Free" while Shaan did Zac Efron. I even liked getting rebuked by him for rather caustically imitating Miss Hudgens' voice instead of doing my own. (heyitsnotmyfaulthervoicestinks.) =p
"honey you, are a rock, upon which i stand..."
MOVING ON
(but still talking about long car rides...)
I realize they give you (well, for me at least), a discouragingly enough long time to ponder over all the songs that you LACK on your i-pod:
- Love Will Come Through - Travis
- Tiny Dancer - Elton John
- MORE DISNEY
- The Potential Breakup Song - Aly & AJ (DON'T ask)
- Stranger - Hilary Duff (ditto)
- These Small Hours - Rob Thomas
- Upside Down - Jack Johnson
- etc.
- etc.
- etc.
HOWEVER: long car rides also give you plenty of ample time to revel over the songs you DO have on your ipod. I have now come to realize, for probably the 1230855498th time in my life, that
- Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz are saints amongst men.
- Coldplay still takes the words out of my head
- HELLOGOODBYE IS FLIPPING AMAZING
and now
Hellogoodbye: A Tribute.
Hellogoodbye. I love Hellogoodbye. Often times I am very drawn to lyrics that are poetic in their verse and very open to interpretation. Hellogoodbye's lyrics aren't quite so, and that's EXACTLY (one reason) why I like their songs.
Feelings are often tough cookies to handle. That's why even when I write poems sometimes I can't help but kind of pad the truth that i'm trying to reveal, with metaphors and words and even more feelings. It's hard to say, hey, this is what I think and this is what I feel EXACTLY and openly and honestly, and well, bluntly enough. (OF course there is the use of metaphor and literary devices for the sake of art but that's different......................).
What makes Hellogoodbye so endearing to me are lyrics like
"So if you wanna say 'I-I-I like you', I might feel just like you.. And if you choose- choose not to, I knew- knew you would.."
What doesn't get me about that? By stating such an obvious and honest feeling in just that fitting of a way, with hardly the use of imagery, Hellogoodbye still manages to paint as clear and charming a picture as, let's say, when The Cure sang about how "daylight licked me into shape, I must have been asleep for days, and moving lips to breather her name.."
It's really, great.
Another quite endearing aspect of Hellogoodbye's (I feel like i keep saying "Hellogoodbye" lol) music is their given sense of awkward innocence in between almost childlike adolescent and adult romance. "It is love, from the first time i pressed my hands into yours.." There's a lot of talk of holding hands in their lyrics and some portrayal of those early innocent awkward kisses by Forrest Kline (on vocals & guitar) in their video for Here In Your Arms. (Be sure to check out the version done by The Beluga Whale Foundation here.) Those were definitely some awkward kisses.
I think a lot of people in part find mention of those early and innocent romances almost more enjoyable to hear about (and vicariously relive) than the mature sagas of, for example, Akon's "I Wanna F*ck You"... (i can't tell whether i made a joke or not..), because of the truth innocence and "ease" that came with the emotions of that time in our lives. When we were 10. 12. something. young. er.
And with all that honesty and youth, the melodies and lyrics are very well punctuated by this new techno-y throwback synthdance sound that really delivers the sound of the jittery innocent nervousness of "being in love". It does do something to make you feel that young love inside. Kind of makes me feel like love's a party. Whether he/she loves you or not. Like just the fact that love is a celebration. It's kinda neat.
Even better is how even though the reminder of butterflies and handholding bring us back to those days, not all of the songs on the album Zombies! Aliens! and other stuff i can't remember! are stuck that way. Just like people grow in the way they view love and as certain complications arise in some relationships they enter, the tone/sound/and words to the songs grow in the same way. We go from "All of Your Love", to songs like "Homewrecker". You definitely weren't worrying about those when you were twelve.
Ok last but not least I love how each of their songs sound DIFFERENT but still like Hellogoodbye. I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers but I'm gonna be honest-- Stadium Arcadium is like one loong song.
Also, I think I may have been in even bigger favor of Hellogoodbye on this trip due to songs like "Two Weeks in Hawaii" and "Call N Return (Say That You're Into Me)" which struck a personal chord with me while on this trip.
Oh and "Figures A & B" matches really well with when you stare out your car window as the car moves 80 mph.
So yeah Hellogoodbye is great. And now I feel like throwing up. So I'll talk about how I totally called it on Justin Bobby, and the other random things I found really fascinating on this trip when I get back from... being carsick.
Ok I'm back from my sickness but I can probably only last long enough to say, long car rides are also really great for discovering GEMS of songs on your iPod that you never knew you had.
Check it out: "My Personal Moon" by Madison Park on the album Boutique.
more tomorrow
peacelate and lots of love. and sleep.
"..the miles of air and road and land that separate me from all my plans, we're havin' havin' havin', havin' fun
but something tells me I miss someone.."
Sunday, July 8, 2007
good bye windy - an obituary
Windemere Linnaeus Damion Marshall Rahman; July 08, 2007; Diamond Bar, CA
Windemere Linnaeus Damion Marshall Rahman (Windy) was adopted by Lo Ling from the kind people at PetsMart sometime before Winter Break. He had good times in his sexy bowl with his bowlmate Rio, but was soon faced with the tragedy of her death. His strength pulled him and me through this difficult time. He was a good fish, enduring long and strenuous and bumpy car rides back home, surviving very low water levels. He never complained, not even when I put him on a diet. Windy provided inspiration and love to Lo and Ashley, and especially loved his Godmother Maral and his godsiblings (what were their names again Maral??) who have also passed.
Royal Flush-ing took place today at 7:44 pm, 4 minutes after Windy's death.
Memorial Contributions may be sent here.
Windemere Linnaeus Damion Marshall Rahman (Windy) was adopted by Lo Ling from the kind people at PetsMart sometime before Winter Break. He had good times in his sexy bowl with his bowlmate Rio, but was soon faced with the tragedy of her death. His strength pulled him and me through this difficult time. He was a good fish, enduring long and strenuous and bumpy car rides back home, surviving very low water levels. He never complained, not even when I put him on a diet. Windy provided inspiration and love to Lo and Ashley, and especially loved his Godmother Maral and his godsiblings (what were their names again Maral??) who have also passed.
Royal Flush-ing took place today at 7:44 pm, 4 minutes after Windy's death.
Memorial Contributions may be sent here.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
BREAKING NEWS! Gwen has adopted new Harajuku Slave: EVE
A while back, platinum rap artist Eve came out with her new video and her new song, "Tambourine".
Exciting.
Due to the recent trend in female artists redesigning their look and sound (Nelly Furtado, Fergie, Gwen Stefani, Joss Stone, etc..), it was to be expected that "Tambourine" would be Eve's similar second debut.
But nobody expected her to come out looking like
Gwen Stefani.
Sure, they collaborate well together in my opinion (Rich Girl, Let Me Blow Ya Mind, etc...), but
One completely morphing into the other was totally uncalled for.
What am I talking about?
Alright well let me tell you-
--i can do better.
Let me show you.
_______________________
Here's presenting
"Tambourine."
0:01
Exciting.
Due to the recent trend in female artists redesigning their look and sound (Nelly Furtado, Fergie, Gwen Stefani, Joss Stone, etc..), it was to be expected that "Tambourine" would be Eve's similar second debut.
But nobody expected her to come out looking like
Gwen Stefani.
Sure, they collaborate well together in my opinion (Rich Girl, Let Me Blow Ya Mind, etc...), but
One completely morphing into the other was totally uncalled for.
What am I talking about?
Alright well let me tell you-
--i can do better.
Let me show you.
_______________________
Here's presenting
"Tambourine."
0:01
the change is painfully apparent from second one of the new video. the platinum artist has gone... platinum. in the head.
like gwen.
alright so when hilary duff went brunette we didn't start calling her mandy moore. so no biggie right?
well let's just take a look at the cut, yes?
here's a clip from Gwen Stefani's first video release off her newest album:
hmm..
not too suspicious right? I mean Rihanna copied Jenny McCarthy's awkard tiltbobthing but no one said she was exactly morphing into her.
Well let's just continue -
back to "Tambourine"...
just a couple seconds later and we are now... three seconds into the video
and in enters...
you got it. eve's own harajuku slaves.
just in case you didn't know about Gwen's Harajuku slaves-- here they are.
now things are starting to get freaky...
after bearing about eight seconds of new harajuku madness we are presented with...
eve - tambourine
oh look- eve has her own akon now too. very reminiscent of the sweet escape.
anyway
by now the beat of the "Tambourine" has caught me and i'm enjoying the music pretty well. the video continues, complete with close up head shots of eve's new do, harajuku's dancing, and "akon" ..akonning,
and then eve appears sitting on a bed in a very pink room with her very happy harajukus.
wait.
this is strangely reminiscent of something...
oh
i remember now
so basically we are being presented with the pink version of the sweet escape. not bad. great song. interesting video... moving on.
next up we have eve sitting in a meticulously trimmed public garden.
where have we seen THIS before...?
oh of course. another GWEN STEFANI video...
well
after this brief interlude to a mimicry of yet another one of miss gwen's music videos, we are graciously returned to "The Sweet Escape: Pink Version by Eve", as we watch two of Eve's Harajuku slaves help her dress.
oh. just like when two of gwen stefani's harajuku slaves helped herrr get dressed in "The Sweet Escape: Gold Version by Gwen" you ask?
yes. exactly!
wow. this IS the sweet escape revisited you might be thinking, in concordance with my thoughts. and if you're not. there's more.
"Tambourine" continues and here we have eve riding in a car with her akon:
Gwen Stefani riding in a car with Akon:
ooh-
someone on eve's production team: "oh can we get a shot in the car of eve in the foreground and him in the back?"
"...you know, just like Gwen."
yeah.
oh i'm not done.
because then eve appears wearing what strongly resembles...
animal print.
you know,
just like gwen
or just like gwen
or you know
just like gwen.
oh WAIT WAIT
wait.
like who?
gwen.
case closed.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
my dictionarly
i'm simply compiling a list of words and phrases that i love to use or refer to things as or just randomly put me in a good mood or just appeal to me
1. groupie
2. SEX!! (but must be said like that... preferably by liz, maral, or rod.)
3. "that's pretty the shiznit" -maral
4. fin
5. suhweeeet
6. asswipe ...
7."i'm peacing out" -muntasir
8. "that's for DAMN sure" -ash
9. ooooohhh myyyyy (that's a samiah classic-6 south knows) =p
10. drop 'em all
11. so many hoes
12. gonna
13. "fight the power!" -nadia
14. "cheaa haaaa" -ARSHAM DIANAT!!!!!!
15. whatever
16. "aw baby"
17. just come
16. come here like when nathan said it.
this is kind of a bad list.
tell me yours!
1. groupie
2. SEX!! (but must be said like that... preferably by liz, maral, or rod.)
3. "that's pretty the shiznit" -maral
4. fin
5. suhweeeet
6. asswipe ...
7."i'm peacing out" -muntasir
8. "that's for DAMN sure" -ash
9. ooooohhh myyyyy (that's a samiah classic-6 south knows) =p
10. drop 'em all
11. so many hoes
12. gonna
13. "fight the power!" -nadia
14. "cheaa haaaa" -ARSHAM DIANAT!!!!!!
15. whatever
16. "aw baby"
17. just come
16. come here like when nathan said it.
this is kind of a bad list.
tell me yours!
Monday, June 4, 2007
This one is sort of for
zach, sort of,
because he's asked me a few times why i am the way i am
to him that means "nice".
I have class in half an hour, so this probably isn't going to be the prettiest note, but it will serve its purpose anyhow - hopefully.
now that i've thought about zach's question, i realize i really don't know how to condense 18 years of experience and memories and lessons and tribulations and relationships and whatever else makes a person the way they are into a note that i need to write in half an hour.
but
there are three things that stand out in my mind as the driving forces behind my actions and nonactions.
honestly, they are things that pop into my mind a lot, keeping me on my toes and helping me be the person that i can die happy being. kind of like, heroes. anyways, the people involved pretty much are my heroes.
i guess i'm not trying to explain myself as much as i'm really just trying to share these three quotes/instances/stories that were clearly somewhat profound enough to affect the way that i live and think and act.
a lot of times people hear a story or read something in the paper or find a quote, and are influenced by it at that moment, ...but then it kind of fades away as time goes on.
these three thingss (i dont know what to call them lol) also came to me sort of passively, but strangely enough whenever i'm in certain situations they just pop into my head. i guess they have subconsciously (now consciously?) affected me pretty much... a lot.
so maybe someone else will be just as affected. ok i'm going to share now.
1. the number one thing that just salfkjsalfj yeah i can't even explain, affects me quite positively haha, is this story that my mom told me when I was pretty young.
let's see if i can find it on a website...
oh yes i did.
The Old Woman and the Prophet
(salAllahu alayhi wsalam)
More than 1400 years ago in Arabia the people were living very much in fear. They feared their neighbours. They feared other tribes. They even feared their idols. For this was the time before Islam.
The Arabs were worshipping idols. In their ignorance they would bury their newly born daughters alive. As Islam began to spread among Arabs such cruel practices stopped. For Islam taught love and peace. It taught kindness and respect.
Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) himself was a very kind and loving person. He treated every one, young and old, with kindness and respect.
Because Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) was spreading the word of God, because he was changing, for better, the lives of many Arabs and because some Arabs felt that by the teachings of Muhammad their old idols were losing power, they disliked Muhammad and planned to kill him. Every time they tried to kill him, they failed. This angered the enemies of Islam even more. So they began to harass him in every way they knew.
One old woman made a habit of throwing rubbish on Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) whenever he passed from her house! Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) had to pass that house daily on the way to the mosque.
Even when the old woman threw rubbish on him, he would pass silently without showing any anger or annoyance. This was a regular, daily event.
One day when the Prophet was passing by, the woman was not there to throw the rubbish. He stopped, and asked the neighbour about her well-being, and wondered why she wasn't dropping any rubbish on him.
The neighbour informed the Prophet that the woman was sick in bed. The Prophet politely asked permission to visit the woman. When he entered the house, the woman thought that he had come there to take his revenge when she was unable to defend herself because of sickness.
But the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) assured her that he had come to her, not to take any revenge, but to see her and to look after her needs, as it was the command of Allah that if any one is sick, a Muslim should visit him and should help him if his help is needed.
The old woman was greatly moved by this kindness and love of the Prophet. By the example of greatness of Muhammad, she understood that he was truly the Prophet of God ...
yeah.
2. The number two thing that might explain why i am or do or dont the things i do or whateverrr
is a line from a song... who can guess what song it is!?
"...Let God deal with the things they do, 'cos hate in your heart will consume you too."
Okay I'm just gonna tell you what song it is (randomly... i really love the pseudoword "gonna" btw)
actually i'll post it at the bottom just in case you wanted to figure it out yourself first - i know i like doing that sometimes =p
3. And the number three thing that has grown considerable importance in my life-o is this quote by Anais Nin:
"We don't see things as they are; We see things, as we are."
amazing. haha no seriously i think it is.
this last thing kind of ties everything else together
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
-Mahatma Gandhi
to be honest, i have ten minutes left. haha jk. no i really do have ten minutes but that wasn't what i was going to be honest about..
to be honest, it's really weird/surprisingly difficult for me to share these things. i realize this is coming from a very raw/almost secret place inside of me. I dunno. Feels like i'm opening some door into SAMIAH. how often do we talk about why we are the way we are?
i could talk a lot more about the instances and such when these things really started all crazy affecting me, but i'll save you that haha. i just put these things out on the table and maybe you can take something from them too. or not whatever it's your call. ok sorry for the most poorly written note ever haha. thanks guys.
since i'm on the topic of sharing quotes
these don't affect me as immensely, and they havent affected the way i live or anything, but they kind of point out important things to me, so i'm gonna share them and then rush off to LS.
It's smallness is not petty; on the contrary, it is profound.
-Jan Morris
...this is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.
-Troy to Lainey; "Reality Bites"
because he's asked me a few times why i am the way i am
to him that means "nice".
I have class in half an hour, so this probably isn't going to be the prettiest note, but it will serve its purpose anyhow - hopefully.
now that i've thought about zach's question, i realize i really don't know how to condense 18 years of experience and memories and lessons and tribulations and relationships and whatever else makes a person the way they are into a note that i need to write in half an hour.
but
there are three things that stand out in my mind as the driving forces behind my actions and nonactions.
honestly, they are things that pop into my mind a lot, keeping me on my toes and helping me be the person that i can die happy being. kind of like, heroes. anyways, the people involved pretty much are my heroes.
i guess i'm not trying to explain myself as much as i'm really just trying to share these three quotes/instances/stories that were clearly somewhat profound enough to affect the way that i live and think and act.
a lot of times people hear a story or read something in the paper or find a quote, and are influenced by it at that moment, ...but then it kind of fades away as time goes on.
these three thingss (i dont know what to call them lol) also came to me sort of passively, but strangely enough whenever i'm in certain situations they just pop into my head. i guess they have subconsciously (now consciously?) affected me pretty much... a lot.
so maybe someone else will be just as affected. ok i'm going to share now.
1. the number one thing that just salfkjsalfj yeah i can't even explain, affects me quite positively haha, is this story that my mom told me when I was pretty young.
let's see if i can find it on a website...
oh yes i did.
The Old Woman and the Prophet
(salAllahu alayhi wsalam)
More than 1400 years ago in Arabia the people were living very much in fear. They feared their neighbours. They feared other tribes. They even feared their idols. For this was the time before Islam.
The Arabs were worshipping idols. In their ignorance they would bury their newly born daughters alive. As Islam began to spread among Arabs such cruel practices stopped. For Islam taught love and peace. It taught kindness and respect.
Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) himself was a very kind and loving person. He treated every one, young and old, with kindness and respect.
Because Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) was spreading the word of God, because he was changing, for better, the lives of many Arabs and because some Arabs felt that by the teachings of Muhammad their old idols were losing power, they disliked Muhammad and planned to kill him. Every time they tried to kill him, they failed. This angered the enemies of Islam even more. So they began to harass him in every way they knew.
One old woman made a habit of throwing rubbish on Prophet Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) whenever he passed from her house! Muhammad (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) had to pass that house daily on the way to the mosque.
Even when the old woman threw rubbish on him, he would pass silently without showing any anger or annoyance. This was a regular, daily event.
One day when the Prophet was passing by, the woman was not there to throw the rubbish. He stopped, and asked the neighbour about her well-being, and wondered why she wasn't dropping any rubbish on him.
The neighbour informed the Prophet that the woman was sick in bed. The Prophet politely asked permission to visit the woman. When he entered the house, the woman thought that he had come there to take his revenge when she was unable to defend herself because of sickness.
But the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wsalam) assured her that he had come to her, not to take any revenge, but to see her and to look after her needs, as it was the command of Allah that if any one is sick, a Muslim should visit him and should help him if his help is needed.
The old woman was greatly moved by this kindness and love of the Prophet. By the example of greatness of Muhammad, she understood that he was truly the Prophet of God ...
yeah.
2. The number two thing that might explain why i am or do or dont the things i do or whateverrr
is a line from a song... who can guess what song it is!?
"...Let God deal with the things they do, 'cos hate in your heart will consume you too."
Okay I'm just gonna tell you what song it is (randomly... i really love the pseudoword "gonna" btw)
actually i'll post it at the bottom just in case you wanted to figure it out yourself first - i know i like doing that sometimes =p
3. And the number three thing that has grown considerable importance in my life-o is this quote by Anais Nin:
"We don't see things as they are; We see things, as we are."
amazing. haha no seriously i think it is.
this last thing kind of ties everything else together
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
-Mahatma Gandhi
to be honest, i have ten minutes left. haha jk. no i really do have ten minutes but that wasn't what i was going to be honest about..
to be honest, it's really weird/surprisingly difficult for me to share these things. i realize this is coming from a very raw/almost secret place inside of me. I dunno. Feels like i'm opening some door into SAMIAH. how often do we talk about why we are the way we are?
i could talk a lot more about the instances and such when these things really started all crazy affecting me, but i'll save you that haha. i just put these things out on the table and maybe you can take something from them too. or not whatever it's your call. ok sorry for the most poorly written note ever haha. thanks guys.
since i'm on the topic of sharing quotes
these don't affect me as immensely, and they havent affected the way i live or anything, but they kind of point out important things to me, so i'm gonna share them and then rush off to LS.
It's smallness is not petty; on the contrary, it is profound.
-Jan Morris
...this is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.
-Troy to Lainey; "Reality Bites"
and the song from #2:
"Just the Two of Us" - Will Smith (yes the fresh prince) =)
Monday, May 21, 2007
"you're my happy now"
i thought the postsecrets for this week were really good
so i thought i'd let you guys know. go take a look
postsecret.com
my favorite part about postsecret.com is the email responses. hahaha. i laugh but really, those to me are the best part.
so i thought i'd let you guys know. go take a look
postsecret.com
my favorite part about postsecret.com is the email responses. hahaha. i laugh but really, those to me are the best part.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
i dunno. maybe i should have saved it for later.
(this is just the intro you really don't need to read it.)
I have a friend named Dominique. She's a junior in high school. I'm a freshman in college. We're really good friends.
Over the summer we used to write each other these looong messages, and we would just talk about everything. EVERYTHING!
Then the school year started and that pattern slightly (really) starting falling apart. Of course, our friendship didn't. =)
A while ago Dominique came up with this idea of sharing our favorite postsecret every Sunday. It's not emails about EVERYTHING, but you'd be amazed at how much we look forward to Sundays now.
It's just always interesting to know which ones she liked and why. I always want to know. And of course, i want to tell her mine.
The year goes by and there's always a lot more things to share with your friends than your new favorite post secret of the week.
So we share.
Sometimes I send her videos, sometimes song lyrics, whatever, anything and whatever everything. She does the same. Some days, my share is to tell her the profound thoughts that I am constantly brewing in my head.... hahaha yeah okay...
or simple thoughts like the one I thought of yesterday.
This is probably the most honest (and most vague) I have been and will be in a long while. Whatever.
i kind of love that word.
I realize--
I don't hold the only keys to my happiness anymore. I don't I even hold the major set. Maybe the backup. But whointheworld uses their back up key ... to happiness? or unbridled emotion?
Somewhere along the line that keyhole of mine decided that everything Someone Else said and did and says and does would and will fit like a glove, and that door would swing wide open. And while it still opens with other keys-- it definitely ain't swinging that fast or opening as wide.
Who decides these things? Did I? Did I reaaaally just decide to hand them to Someone Else one day? Or maybe they were stolen. Maybe I dropped them and you picked them up. ...?
It doesn't bother me. I like it. I want you to have them.
Well, at least one. I should probably keep the other.
The point of concern to me now is just this:
I realize just how many "Someone Else's" must be carrying around someone else's keys to happiness. or to unbridled emotion as it comes surging through that door. How many people must be carrying other people's keys to happiness
and not even know it.
I'm hugely afraid that my saying this might scare people.
wthell it scares me.
I know. It's kiiind of a big deal, you're the one that affects someone else's emotions that much.
I don't really know what to say to make it any less scary.
Except that, it's okay.
The problem with this note, furthermore,
is that I really wasn't nearly as honest and complete as I may have hinted I intended to be.
SORRY !
I have a friend named Dominique. She's a junior in high school. I'm a freshman in college. We're really good friends.
Over the summer we used to write each other these looong messages, and we would just talk about everything. EVERYTHING!
Then the school year started and that pattern slightly (really) starting falling apart. Of course, our friendship didn't. =)
A while ago Dominique came up with this idea of sharing our favorite postsecret every Sunday. It's not emails about EVERYTHING, but you'd be amazed at how much we look forward to Sundays now.
It's just always interesting to know which ones she liked and why. I always want to know. And of course, i want to tell her mine.
The year goes by and there's always a lot more things to share with your friends than your new favorite post secret of the week.
So we share.
Sometimes I send her videos, sometimes song lyrics, whatever, anything and whatever everything. She does the same. Some days, my share is to tell her the profound thoughts that I am constantly brewing in my head.... hahaha yeah okay...
or simple thoughts like the one I thought of yesterday.
This is probably the most honest (and most vague) I have been and will be in a long while. Whatever.
i kind of love that word.
I realize--
I don't hold the only keys to my happiness anymore. I don't I even hold the major set. Maybe the backup. But whointheworld uses their back up key ... to happiness? or unbridled emotion?
Somewhere along the line that keyhole of mine decided that everything Someone Else said and did and says and does would and will fit like a glove, and that door would swing wide open. And while it still opens with other keys-- it definitely ain't swinging that fast or opening as wide.
Who decides these things? Did I? Did I reaaaally just decide to hand them to Someone Else one day? Or maybe they were stolen. Maybe I dropped them and you picked them up. ...?
It doesn't bother me. I like it. I want you to have them.
Well, at least one. I should probably keep the other.
The point of concern to me now is just this:
I realize just how many "Someone Else's" must be carrying around someone else's keys to happiness. or to unbridled emotion as it comes surging through that door. How many people must be carrying other people's keys to happiness
and not even know it.
I'm hugely afraid that my saying this might scare people.
wthell it scares me.
I know. It's kiiind of a big deal, you're the one that affects someone else's emotions that much.
I don't really know what to say to make it any less scary.
Except that, it's okay.
The problem with this note, furthermore,
is that I really wasn't nearly as honest and complete as I may have hinted I intended to be.
SORRY !
Sunday, April 15, 2007
i don't always make sense
that's how i let you make it yourself.
It always starts at a gentle pace
We know slow and steady
Wins the race
But some days we close our eyes
we go
faster
And I speed up
I run real fast
With my baby in tow
Baby’s goin real slow
And next thing you know I’ve
tripped I’ve
fallen
did I say that
did you hear me too
baby what it do
which one’s the fool
if I get-up will it hurt a little?
Or not at
all?
You can be the stop sign
Like I was coming at you at 65
(brakes not on anti-lock)
You can be the sunshine
Like the cloud never came
(‘cos we’re all allowed to be a little lame)
it’s hard to tell
if I fell real well
can I go-on from today
hey, is baby okay?
Baby give a little smile
Give a little
Giggle
I’ll leave the wagon there
Cos You and I’s repaired
It’s safe to say
That we’re both okay
And you knew it all along
You’d pick the sunshine
It always starts at a gentle pace
We know slow and steady
Wins the race
But some days we close our eyes
we go
faster
And I speed up
I run real fast
With my baby in tow
Baby’s goin real slow
And next thing you know I’ve
tripped I’ve
fallen
did I say that
did you hear me too
baby what it do
which one’s the fool
if I get-up will it hurt a little?
Or not at
all?
You can be the stop sign
Like I was coming at you at 65
(brakes not on anti-lock)
You can be the sunshine
Like the cloud never came
(‘cos we’re all allowed to be a little lame)
it’s hard to tell
if I fell real well
can I go-on from today
hey, is baby okay?
Baby give a little smile
Give a little
Giggle
I’ll leave the wagon there
Cos You and I’s repaired
It’s safe to say
That we’re both okay
And you knew it all along
You’d pick the sunshine
Monday, April 2, 2007
that would be cool
sometimes i have really nice dreams where i spend long hours with certain people that i miss, love, or wonder about.
sometimes it's not long hours, but they're there for a while anyhow- and if it's someone i miss, that's really nice.
i usually wake up with a good feeling, but then i'm left wondering about if the people you dream about are thinking about you too.
cos, that would be cool.
today i had breakfast at rendezvous. --that's pretty much the only thing i can handle from rendezvous--their breakfasts.
today for my fruit i asked for an apple, knowing that i probably wouldn't eat it right away. (I never do).
so i ate away at my breakfast, and then i pulled out the apple, ready to just hold it on my way to class and then place it on my arm desk in lecture for decoration--or just stash it away in my backpack (neatly wrapped in a napkin of couuurse) until i felt like eating it.
there's really no need for me to go on with any more details -- the main point is:
this apple i got today is the most beautifully colored apple i have ever seen in my life. i'm pretty sure.
and when things like that are given to you, like gorgeously colored apples in your first breakfast of the quarter, i dont know about you--but i really can't help but make an enormously good thing out of it. liiike, how i've decided that this apple is now a sign that i will have an equally beautiful quarter.
so anyway, you are all invited to my room to see this gorgeous apple.
just in case you get here and you don't think the apple is gorgeous, whatever it's okay-- you still get to see....
my baby goldfish windemere and his gorgeous bowl!!!
and me.
=p
sometimes it's not long hours, but they're there for a while anyhow- and if it's someone i miss, that's really nice.
i usually wake up with a good feeling, but then i'm left wondering about if the people you dream about are thinking about you too.
cos, that would be cool.
today i had breakfast at rendezvous. --that's pretty much the only thing i can handle from rendezvous--their breakfasts.
today for my fruit i asked for an apple, knowing that i probably wouldn't eat it right away. (I never do).
so i ate away at my breakfast, and then i pulled out the apple, ready to just hold it on my way to class and then place it on my arm desk in lecture for decoration--or just stash it away in my backpack (neatly wrapped in a napkin of couuurse) until i felt like eating it.
there's really no need for me to go on with any more details -- the main point is:
this apple i got today is the most beautifully colored apple i have ever seen in my life. i'm pretty sure.
and when things like that are given to you, like gorgeously colored apples in your first breakfast of the quarter, i dont know about you--but i really can't help but make an enormously good thing out of it. liiike, how i've decided that this apple is now a sign that i will have an equally beautiful quarter.
so anyway, you are all invited to my room to see this gorgeous apple.
just in case you get here and you don't think the apple is gorgeous, whatever it's okay-- you still get to see....
my baby goldfish windemere and his gorgeous bowl!!!
and me.
=p
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
i was so high i did not recognize
Today I thought about things. And then I wrote them down. =p
I really like the concept of married couples, or even just people that are very deeply involved with eachother. What I’m talking specifically about is the way someone can know so much about someone else, with a very real and passive diligence and compassion. What they like, what they don’t like, what they’ve gone through, what works for them, what doesn’t, etc.; to carefully pick up on all that, I think it’s really beautiful.
What’s better is that (I believe) what keeps deeply involved people that know and care to know so much about each other going (together) is the truth that you can never know all of a person. You can’t. and that’s more than okay, that’s…what keeps deeply involved people that know and care to know so much about eachother going (together). =p There’s really always something new to k now.
I’ve heard about divorce scenarios where the couple just got “bored” of eachother. I don’t believe this is a true possibility. What I think is that these people got bored with themselves. Hence, since “we don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are” (Anais Nin), and resulting from the fact that they found themselves boring, they just couldn’t find others to be exciting. All in all I see it as a slightly, (very), selfish process.
Jealousy. I’m not a jealous person. I think for a long time the only person I was minutely and somewhat even dishonestly jealous of was Britney Spears… and we all know how that ended up…
Although what I will admit is that I’m a protective person. Albeit, I am also a trusting person. I am trusting of the people I should be protective of and thus in truth I guess im not really a highly protective person. But I can be. I’m speaking in circles and wasting words now, my personal sin, so I’m going to go back to what I originally was talking about and that is jealousy.
Jealousy is a blip on a woman’s “Girrrrl, you are getting way too close to my man-radar.”
So I think its okay in that sense. Just don’t show it. I don’t think I do. Maybe I should. I’m still figuring that out. I don’t even know if I should be writing about this. I’ll get back to you.
If you write blogs,
This is how I know I love you (besides the notion that my brain lights up when I think of you).
Mar 26, 2007 9:46 PM
dear dominique--
my friend, i know i love you. (this sounds really cheesy but please hear me out).
but today i was able to KNOW that i do. (you know sometimes you just have those moments?)
what happened was i was reading your blogs, and then i came across a pretty long one. and then for a split second i thought, "wow this is long. should i really read it now?"
and then just a split second later i thought, "of course."
and i realize that i must love you to do that. because i might have not done that for someone i didnt.
so thats me and how i love you.
=p
-samiah
So that’s that.
Oh yeah I also have this other incomplete notion that im still trying to develop about what it’s called when after a while it doesn’t even matter or you don’t even notice what someone looks like to you and it all just comes down to whether you’re happy to see them or not. Maybe its friendship. I have no idea but I will get back to you on that too.
I think this is one of the few times that I write out so many of my half developed thoughts. Not sure if it’s a good thing but I’d like for you to let me know. Because in all honesty I write these facebook notes to share my input and gain yours. Or else I would just keep all these things I just said in my personal journal. Which of course there are those things that I just leave there. And then there are the things that I bring out. And hope that you comment on.
Thaaaaaaanks beauties.
Hope ur having a good break =)
I really like the concept of married couples, or even just people that are very deeply involved with eachother. What I’m talking specifically about is the way someone can know so much about someone else, with a very real and passive diligence and compassion. What they like, what they don’t like, what they’ve gone through, what works for them, what doesn’t, etc.; to carefully pick up on all that, I think it’s really beautiful.
What’s better is that (I believe) what keeps deeply involved people that know and care to know so much about each other going (together) is the truth that you can never know all of a person. You can’t. and that’s more than okay, that’s…what keeps deeply involved people that know and care to know so much about eachother going (together). =p There’s really always something new to k now.
I’ve heard about divorce scenarios where the couple just got “bored” of eachother. I don’t believe this is a true possibility. What I think is that these people got bored with themselves. Hence, since “we don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are” (Anais Nin), and resulting from the fact that they found themselves boring, they just couldn’t find others to be exciting. All in all I see it as a slightly, (very), selfish process.
Jealousy. I’m not a jealous person. I think for a long time the only person I was minutely and somewhat even dishonestly jealous of was Britney Spears… and we all know how that ended up…
Although what I will admit is that I’m a protective person. Albeit, I am also a trusting person. I am trusting of the people I should be protective of and thus in truth I guess im not really a highly protective person. But I can be. I’m speaking in circles and wasting words now, my personal sin, so I’m going to go back to what I originally was talking about and that is jealousy.
Jealousy is a blip on a woman’s “Girrrrl, you are getting way too close to my man-radar.”
So I think its okay in that sense. Just don’t show it. I don’t think I do. Maybe I should. I’m still figuring that out. I don’t even know if I should be writing about this. I’ll get back to you.
If you write blogs,
This is how I know I love you (besides the notion that my brain lights up when I think of you).
Mar 26, 2007 9:46 PM
dear dominique--
my friend, i know i love you. (this sounds really cheesy but please hear me out).
but today i was able to KNOW that i do. (you know sometimes you just have those moments?)
what happened was i was reading your blogs, and then i came across a pretty long one. and then for a split second i thought, "wow this is long. should i really read it now?"
and then just a split second later i thought, "of course."
and i realize that i must love you to do that. because i might have not done that for someone i didnt.
so thats me and how i love you.
=p
-samiah
So that’s that.
Oh yeah I also have this other incomplete notion that im still trying to develop about what it’s called when after a while it doesn’t even matter or you don’t even notice what someone looks like to you and it all just comes down to whether you’re happy to see them or not. Maybe its friendship. I have no idea but I will get back to you on that too.
I think this is one of the few times that I write out so many of my half developed thoughts. Not sure if it’s a good thing but I’d like for you to let me know. Because in all honesty I write these facebook notes to share my input and gain yours. Or else I would just keep all these things I just said in my personal journal. Which of course there are those things that I just leave there. And then there are the things that I bring out. And hope that you comment on.
Thaaaaaaanks beauties.
Hope ur having a good break =)
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