have you met life

Current mood: like i've met life

today, i was in my backyard, barefooted, blowing bubbles. I highly recommend that everyone try it. and after you've blown a couple small ones, i dare you to try and concentrate. Concentrate on blowing the biggest motherload of a rainbow of a bubble you've ever seen. Do it. You have to be very steady, very patient. You have to really, really breathe. More than that, you have to concentrate. For about 11 seconds, you will forget everything. Everything but the transparent orb swirling with colors you only see in a puddle of fallen gasoline oil. Keep breathing. Start holding your breath, and then still, there will be nothing but you and the crystal bubble. The fight with your friend? The broken vase? The undone homework? The unpayed taxes? For me, it was the friend that left without saying a word. Whatever it may be, whatever it was, you will forget about it. And the clear water tears in your eyes will be gone and all that will be reflected in them will be the transparent swirls of liquid color, joy, a small sphere of purity and serene. When it pops, i dare you try to make and even bigger motherload of a rainbow of a bubble you've ever seen. Put your life on hold. Get lost in spheres of joy as you run with the wand, a train of bubbles trailing you. Forget about whatever it was. Just bring it. Bring the wand to your lips and blow the biggest motherload of a rainbow of a bubble you've ever seen before. And then, i dare you to show it off. Blowing bubbles eh? What is the point? Try it. You'll figure it out.

Currently listening : Thank You By Dido Release date: 05 June, 2001

here's war

Current mood: determined

so. you defeated me. i was not defeated. i surrendered all you offered. i turned in retreat. all i ever felt of you has fallen, crashing in confusion. after all you ever felt of me rose, loud and clear. what i ever felt for you, now you will never know. all that you felt for me, caused me to turn, leave, retreat, and go. a blow to the stomach, an arm around my neck, caused by everything you said. and i stayed, to fight. to keep the confusion from falling through. but when it became clear, i could not hold it up anymore. a blow and a choke once more. but i was covered in the mess. i was tangled in what i could not understand, it was a net. did you win? maybe you won. did you defeat me? remember how it started. you and me. what i felt for you, you still dont know. even after the war. so how could the fight have been fair? you still dont know. so it wasn't. and so you did not win. underneath the mess, lost in the tangles. i could not, i didn't want to breathe. i wanted to lose. but that wouldn't be fair. and i am. i am fair. so i surrendered to what you said, what all the blows and the chokes and i surrendered. and i threw the tangles. i left the mess. i retreated back to where i was. way back. way before. the mess is still there. the tangles of confusion. but i dont want to breath. not there. thats where i want to leave. and so i have. the mess is still there. i never cleaned it up. i retreated. i surrendered. i was not defeated.

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Currently listening : Fighter By Christina Aguilera Release date: 03 June, 2003

"life is short" ...bull crap.

"Life is short"

in other words: the biggest piece of sheer bull ever spoken. In truth, everyone goes around believing life is short, forcing themselves to live as if each day were their last. Rushing to fulfill one's life in no way fulfills it. In the rush to fit LIFE into the time we believe so short, tunnel vision is created. a focus on living what we have never lived, facing the dangers to sieze the day before its over. But its not true. Life as we know (should i say "ignore") it, is long. it is, so. long. We should not be shutting out the truth of life to close in on our desires to fulfill. We should not be living each day as if it were our last; we should be living each day as if it were our first. Live as an innocence with a curiosity for the big world which in truth is small, to live with an appreciation for every creature existant and strange and normal. To live for the air, the ocean, the home, the family, the one. Life is not short. Its so true, you never know what tomorrow brings. But it is yet much better to have enjoyed a sunrise with *Milo* than to have recklessly learned to ski, which indeed might cut your life short.

here's from my journal.:

"They'll either do what makes them happy or, do what they think makes society happy. But the best thing for you, is to make you happy. Be selfish, but not inconsiderate. Now why do i say all this? Because life is short and you gotta make the most of it and be happy? Nope. Because life is not short. Living is the single longest thing we ever do and continue to do. So you damn well better be happy doing it."

what's so good about perfect?

Ok. I got an email with a lot of sweet stuff in it. I was agreeing with most of it, like That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it. Those were not the best ones but they were pretty nice. My personal favorite was, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I love that. So I was reading them and like..wow, thats neat. But then. I came upon.. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. Ok. This one is great. Know why? Because I dont agree with it. So, tell me now, do you agree with it? Do you believe the person you fall in love with becomes perfect? You might, but I sure dont. the way I see it, and like to see it, is that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them..and then they are still not perfect. But thats ok! What is the fun in perfect ? I dunno, but I like the flaws. I really like them. Heck I might even look for them. See, Its one thing to overlook the flaws and say who you love is perfect, but its another thing to embrace the flaws and love them. Love the flaws, or love the person with the flaws. Whichever. Over time Ive found some uh flaws in people, but if theyre more like traits, why change? Its really hard for me to change whatever I feel is wrong with me. Because in a way, that is who we are. Like..haha.. Im an overly obsessive person. And so..ive been trying not to be like that, but I feel like I cant describe myself anymore. I can, but not completely. The flaws are what make you you. So when I said that heck I might even look for them [flaws] Im not looking for flaws. Im looking for I guess, individuality, a secret, a quirkiness beneath somber a solemn beneath quirk. Sexy. So, if I were the perfect person, what would I say about myself? Uh Im me and I do everything perfectly. Ok. No discussion there is there? But like I was saying no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. Nope I dont agree. OkIll say this sure..they can be perfect.. perfect for YOU. But not perfect. The flaws are also what show you how to deal with the person. Ever think of that? How the heck do you deal with a perfect person?! Um. Why would you WANT to deal with a perfect person? What is there to deal with theyre PERFECT for cryin out loud

Sigh on a different note in the end I guess it just doesnt sound nice, Honey..baby..love.. I met you and there was something wrong with you, now I love you because there was something wrong with you hahaha. Im sayin, if you are someone out there that loves me I dont care if Im not perfect to you. Youre not perfect to me but that makes me love YOU.. every stinkin part of you. Not just the sugar-coated part of you. But for now, for me, Ill be happy if I can just find someone to love me period. Perfect or not.