here's war

Current mood: determined

so. you defeated me. i was not defeated. i surrendered all you offered. i turned in retreat. all i ever felt of you has fallen, crashing in confusion. after all you ever felt of me rose, loud and clear. what i ever felt for you, now you will never know. all that you felt for me, caused me to turn, leave, retreat, and go. a blow to the stomach, an arm around my neck, caused by everything you said. and i stayed, to fight. to keep the confusion from falling through. but when it became clear, i could not hold it up anymore. a blow and a choke once more. but i was covered in the mess. i was tangled in what i could not understand, it was a net. did you win? maybe you won. did you defeat me? remember how it started. you and me. what i felt for you, you still dont know. even after the war. so how could the fight have been fair? you still dont know. so it wasn't. and so you did not win. underneath the mess, lost in the tangles. i could not, i didn't want to breathe. i wanted to lose. but that wouldn't be fair. and i am. i am fair. so i surrendered to what you said, what all the blows and the chokes and i surrendered. and i threw the tangles. i left the mess. i retreated back to where i was. way back. way before. the mess is still there. the tangles of confusion. but i dont want to breath. not there. thats where i want to leave. and so i have. the mess is still there. i never cleaned it up. i retreated. i surrendered. i was not defeated.

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Currently listening : Fighter By Christina Aguilera Release date: 03 June, 2003