In frustration
In frustration
I want to shake you
Until you spill to me your tears
Make you wet, make you want
To confess to me your fears
In frustration
I want to deafen you
With your own dearth of words
Make you feel the heat of silence
Over which you make me burn
In frustration
I want to break the floor
On which you tiptoe with the truth
Praying it doesn’t get too heavy
And your lips don’t get too loose
In frustration
I want to burn your house
So you come running out
Hoping someone will come save you
Who knew what you were about
In frustration
I want to bend the cage
In which you house your heavy heart
So you can hold it in your hands
And let me hold a part.
In frustration
I want to hold you
Until you stop your tears
Make you trust, make you know
I wont give away your fears
In frustration
I want to hear you
If all I can do is listen
With my one hand on your one knee
To make your worries lessen
In frustration
I want to fix the floor
So you and I can dance
And you will whisper in my ear
Of all your hidden pasts
In frustration
I want to build our house
So you know just where to go
In rain or shine, rough winds or breeze
Or in the blizzards of the snow
In frustration
I want to shine the cage
In which we place our hearts
You see mine, please let me see yours
So to love will let to start.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
drop it like it's hot
i've got the braaaain, you've got the braaawwwn
lets make lots of moneeeeyy...
haha yes that is the theme song from "Beauty and the Geek" by the Pet Shop Boys, which incidentally they were playing at Rieber Dining Hall during breakfast today.
I was actually really really enjoying the music selection this morning. Late 80's eeearly nineties pop-rock.
Whyyy do i want to write this note?
Because i think you'll get a good laugh out of it. or maybe you can relate, and then get a good laugh at it.
i'm not actually sure if i want to tell you. buuuut
now that i'm this much in i kind of have to.
TODAY
I
...
brokemyfirstpieceofucladin
ingware.
-_______________-
asflj
yeah.
yeahhhh.
I, as many of you probably also have, have always told myself that I am NOT going to ever break UCLA diningware. I even assured myself that I didn't even know how to break UCLA diningware. And guess what. Today I learned, you don't always have to KNOW how to do something to do it. well obviously. i dont see how these normal facts of life always seem to escape me at the most inopportune times.
hahah LO LING OMG
I honestly do not know how it happened. But it did. AND! AND AND -- I am very very thankful that the only thing on my tray was one measly plate with two halves of a bagel with awkwardly spread cream cheese on it.
At the time I was very relieved that that was all I had dropped. And now that I think about it, how embarrassing. I couldn't even keep one measly plate on my tray.
baha i dont know whether to laugh or to cry. hahaha. ok well that solves that problem. =p
i guess fate also picked a good time for me to drop my ish because the guy right across the buffet table from me, steve, who i'm sure doesn't remember me from ASC, didnt even look up. Honestly, haha okay, first the plate fell. Then I looked at the plate. I didnt believe what I saw. I looked across at Steve. Steve.... was doing the same thing he was doing the few seconds before the crash! He hadn't even looked up! So actually for a while a part of me inside was thinking... oh maybe it didnt really happen cuz Steve has not moved. hahaha.
i'm just being dramatic.
but yeah. about fate picking a good time, i guess by now everyone is used to hearing a few random crashes at eating time. thank goodness.
To be honest, when it happened, I wasn't that embarrassed. Like, I actually remember thinking, as i asked the wonderful nice guy who came over to fix things if i could help him, "ok... why am i not more embarrassed..?" I guess because it's not really that embarrassing. Because this happens. Its weird cuz i get more embarrassed just telling the story like I'm doing on facebook now. But yeah. For future reference, breaking plates in Rieber Hall isn't embarrassing.
also, as i stared down at the plate, i actually (and kind of guiltily) felt worse that my bagels were now on the floor. because as i told rachel when i got back, that cream cheese is NOT easy to spread. and she commiserated, in which i found vindication. hahaha.
In Covel people used to give you a round of applause if you caused a crash. Honestly, I would join into those applause things, BECAUSE i thought we were doing something nice. I don't know please don't call me a retard. I was just in the mindset of what used to go on in my high school.
Cell phone goes off, class causes a commotion to distract the teacher from hearing your "drop it like its hot" (haha if you catch that pun) ringtune and confiscating your phone.
It was all out of community and camaraderie.
I'm not sure what my reasoning for relating a round of applause in a kind response to dropping plates was, but I eh, I guess the concept of being mean just doesnt flow through my brain all that well or all that often.
So then one day someone graciously informed me that people clap for crashes as a mean thing.
i said, "how mean!"
and then i stopped clapping.
i love rieber dining hall.
i really think it would have been totally different had the plate broken in covel or de neve.
so anyway.
hope you had a good read.
hahahaha.
LO LING OMG.
lets make lots of moneeeeyy...
haha yes that is the theme song from "Beauty and the Geek" by the Pet Shop Boys, which incidentally they were playing at Rieber Dining Hall during breakfast today.
I was actually really really enjoying the music selection this morning. Late 80's eeearly nineties pop-rock.
Whyyy do i want to write this note?
Because i think you'll get a good laugh out of it. or maybe you can relate, and then get a good laugh at it.
i'm not actually sure if i want to tell you. buuuut
now that i'm this much in i kind of have to.
TODAY
I
...
brokemyfirstpieceofucladin
ingware.
-_______________-
asflj
yeah.
yeahhhh.
I, as many of you probably also have, have always told myself that I am NOT going to ever break UCLA diningware. I even assured myself that I didn't even know how to break UCLA diningware. And guess what. Today I learned, you don't always have to KNOW how to do something to do it. well obviously. i dont see how these normal facts of life always seem to escape me at the most inopportune times.
hahah LO LING OMG
I honestly do not know how it happened. But it did. AND! AND AND -- I am very very thankful that the only thing on my tray was one measly plate with two halves of a bagel with awkwardly spread cream cheese on it.
At the time I was very relieved that that was all I had dropped. And now that I think about it, how embarrassing. I couldn't even keep one measly plate on my tray.
baha i dont know whether to laugh or to cry. hahaha. ok well that solves that problem. =p
i guess fate also picked a good time for me to drop my ish because the guy right across the buffet table from me, steve, who i'm sure doesn't remember me from ASC, didnt even look up. Honestly, haha okay, first the plate fell. Then I looked at the plate. I didnt believe what I saw. I looked across at Steve. Steve.... was doing the same thing he was doing the few seconds before the crash! He hadn't even looked up! So actually for a while a part of me inside was thinking... oh maybe it didnt really happen cuz Steve has not moved. hahaha.
i'm just being dramatic.
but yeah. about fate picking a good time, i guess by now everyone is used to hearing a few random crashes at eating time. thank goodness.
To be honest, when it happened, I wasn't that embarrassed. Like, I actually remember thinking, as i asked the wonderful nice guy who came over to fix things if i could help him, "ok... why am i not more embarrassed..?" I guess because it's not really that embarrassing. Because this happens. Its weird cuz i get more embarrassed just telling the story like I'm doing on facebook now. But yeah. For future reference, breaking plates in Rieber Hall isn't embarrassing.
also, as i stared down at the plate, i actually (and kind of guiltily) felt worse that my bagels were now on the floor. because as i told rachel when i got back, that cream cheese is NOT easy to spread. and she commiserated, in which i found vindication. hahaha.
In Covel people used to give you a round of applause if you caused a crash. Honestly, I would join into those applause things, BECAUSE i thought we were doing something nice. I don't know please don't call me a retard. I was just in the mindset of what used to go on in my high school.
Cell phone goes off, class causes a commotion to distract the teacher from hearing your "drop it like its hot" (haha if you catch that pun) ringtune and confiscating your phone.
It was all out of community and camaraderie.
I'm not sure what my reasoning for relating a round of applause in a kind response to dropping plates was, but I eh, I guess the concept of being mean just doesnt flow through my brain all that well or all that often.
So then one day someone graciously informed me that people clap for crashes as a mean thing.
i said, "how mean!"
and then i stopped clapping.
i love rieber dining hall.
i really think it would have been totally different had the plate broken in covel or de neve.
so anyway.
hope you had a good read.
hahahaha.
LO LING OMG.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
a longer day
I'm such a time waster.
So I get out of my fiat luxe class today at 9:50 (the only class I enjoy going to), with the intent that I'd head right across to Powell and study Chem before my next lecture. Totally being efficient with my time right? Wrong.
I step outside Royce Hall, and it's raining. (Drizzling). Sparse droplets fall out of the sky, but there have been enough to turn everything one shade darker and to me, everything looks a few shades cleaner. I'm happy most of the time. And I'm really happy when it "rains".
So I'm wayyyy not in the mood to study chem. Anymore. But I go to Powell, up past the rading room where I usually am, and go up to the second floor, which I must say, in this sentence that already has too many commas, I find gorgeous.
Sure, it is very easy to find it gorgeous here because of its high windows, intricate brick wall design, and age old looking ceiling lamps – however—there really are a lot of other things that make Powell Library one of the most desired and thus beautiful places to be on campus.
I know we're all college kids that don't have time to read my intricate descriptions on everything so here's a synopsis:
--this chair I'm sitting in. its HUGE and I love it and I feel like its not only my chair but my sanctuary in life. Yeah. I fit allll the way IN it and from the looks of those around me, everyone does. The arm rests almost go up to my SHOULDERS! This is sanctuary.
(ok clearly I'm not good at synopses. But I try.)
--the boy with the long hair sitting across from me. Hahaha jk jk.
--the fact that people here always look so comfortable. There's a guy sprawled out on his stomach on those long flatbed type chair thingies, shifting his position in ways I thought people did only at home. Haha. Comfort is beauty people. And Powell's really comfortable.
Ok im going to move on.
So yeah. I come up to the second floor and I begin my inefficient use of time by ripping a page out of my chem. Notebook to begin writing about my… inefficient use of time. =p I laught to think about what an even bigger time waster I'll be when I go type this up (as I am doing now.)
I really feel that we should just say there are 27 hours in a day so we can shamelessly waste three.
Chapter 2. speed.
Speaking of how I feel like I waste time. I just think time goes too fast. In fact I think we are always rushing. And what I fear in life is simply that, speed. I'll be in the car with my dad, and he'll tell me to go faster. I know I know… I'm like 15 miles per hour below the speed limit and usually people are over, but, I just don't like speed.
That is only the physical description of the nature of my fear but there are a lot of underlying metaphorical parallels as to why I do not like speed.
I don't think I could ever really LIVE in new york.
Chapter 3 nice people.
I take chances in life and that's the truth. Not ridiculous chances but small, subtle chances usually with the possibility of working out. I love and would like to thank the people that make taking chances worth while. You know who you are okay please hug yourselves for me.
The other day Merryl and I met the nicest guy at de neve dining hall. Merryl graciously took one (no… TWO) dry brownie goo squares for the team so the lady could put out a fresh tray. (I'm clarifying now that I'm not a hardcore brownie goo fan.)
Well, this guy just happened to be waiting for brownie goo too and DUDE. I dunno. He was just so nice. He called merryl a true patriot for what she did. Haha I have no way to describe it but honestly, he was just NICE. Merryl and I were talking about finding him on facebook and the whole "mutual friend dilemma".
Chapter 4 the mutual friend dilemma
You know how it goes. You meet someone vaguely and the next thing you know you're pining for a facebook friendship. Haha
Well you can search them up, and if the situation in which you met was alrigth, you add them.
However. What if you just by chance meet someone in a random brownie goo line with no info to go off of…? Well. You still do the facebook search, and maybe you find him/her. Now time for the friend request…. HALT!
And now the mutual friend dilemma.
You pray and you pray that you two have mutual friends. Because you're gonna know and you're impending friend is gonna know… that instead of just popping up on a mutual friend's page… YOU SEARCHED!
Oh heaven forbid they know that you searched.
-_-
im not usually good at sacasm so hopefully you caught all that.
I prefer not to be so complicated. And I prefer you to not be so freaked out. We're all part of that "six degrees of separation" thing anyway. Might as well start off with eachother.
Ok I have to go to class.
BTW.
Note to nice guy who thanked merryl for getting him fresh brownie goo and then said hi going up the steps to dykstra…
You really made some people's days and I hope someone makes yours too.
Chapter I lost count. Speaking of being nice.
I hold doors open and I push in chairs.
But, to the:
People that hold the door open for me (anyone) when I'm still almost a mile away from the door.
Thank you thank you thank you.
People that hold the elevator for me (anyone) when I'm still just only entering the building.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Because you have inspired me to go beyond and do the same and I feel like a better person already.
So I get out of my fiat luxe class today at 9:50 (the only class I enjoy going to), with the intent that I'd head right across to Powell and study Chem before my next lecture. Totally being efficient with my time right? Wrong.
I step outside Royce Hall, and it's raining. (Drizzling). Sparse droplets fall out of the sky, but there have been enough to turn everything one shade darker and to me, everything looks a few shades cleaner. I'm happy most of the time. And I'm really happy when it "rains".
So I'm wayyyy not in the mood to study chem. Anymore. But I go to Powell, up past the rading room where I usually am, and go up to the second floor, which I must say, in this sentence that already has too many commas, I find gorgeous.
Sure, it is very easy to find it gorgeous here because of its high windows, intricate brick wall design, and age old looking ceiling lamps – however—there really are a lot of other things that make Powell Library one of the most desired and thus beautiful places to be on campus.
I know we're all college kids that don't have time to read my intricate descriptions on everything so here's a synopsis:
--this chair I'm sitting in. its HUGE and I love it and I feel like its not only my chair but my sanctuary in life. Yeah. I fit allll the way IN it and from the looks of those around me, everyone does. The arm rests almost go up to my SHOULDERS! This is sanctuary.
(ok clearly I'm not good at synopses. But I try.)
--the boy with the long hair sitting across from me. Hahaha jk jk.
--the fact that people here always look so comfortable. There's a guy sprawled out on his stomach on those long flatbed type chair thingies, shifting his position in ways I thought people did only at home. Haha. Comfort is beauty people. And Powell's really comfortable.
Ok im going to move on.
So yeah. I come up to the second floor and I begin my inefficient use of time by ripping a page out of my chem. Notebook to begin writing about my… inefficient use of time. =p I laught to think about what an even bigger time waster I'll be when I go type this up (as I am doing now.)
I really feel that we should just say there are 27 hours in a day so we can shamelessly waste three.
Chapter 2. speed.
Speaking of how I feel like I waste time. I just think time goes too fast. In fact I think we are always rushing. And what I fear in life is simply that, speed. I'll be in the car with my dad, and he'll tell me to go faster. I know I know… I'm like 15 miles per hour below the speed limit and usually people are over, but, I just don't like speed.
That is only the physical description of the nature of my fear but there are a lot of underlying metaphorical parallels as to why I do not like speed.
I don't think I could ever really LIVE in new york.
Chapter 3 nice people.
I take chances in life and that's the truth. Not ridiculous chances but small, subtle chances usually with the possibility of working out. I love and would like to thank the people that make taking chances worth while. You know who you are okay please hug yourselves for me.
The other day Merryl and I met the nicest guy at de neve dining hall. Merryl graciously took one (no… TWO) dry brownie goo squares for the team so the lady could put out a fresh tray. (I'm clarifying now that I'm not a hardcore brownie goo fan.)
Well, this guy just happened to be waiting for brownie goo too and DUDE. I dunno. He was just so nice. He called merryl a true patriot for what she did. Haha I have no way to describe it but honestly, he was just NICE. Merryl and I were talking about finding him on facebook and the whole "mutual friend dilemma".
Chapter 4 the mutual friend dilemma
You know how it goes. You meet someone vaguely and the next thing you know you're pining for a facebook friendship. Haha
Well you can search them up, and if the situation in which you met was alrigth, you add them.
However. What if you just by chance meet someone in a random brownie goo line with no info to go off of…? Well. You still do the facebook search, and maybe you find him/her. Now time for the friend request…. HALT!
And now the mutual friend dilemma.
You pray and you pray that you two have mutual friends. Because you're gonna know and you're impending friend is gonna know… that instead of just popping up on a mutual friend's page… YOU SEARCHED!
Oh heaven forbid they know that you searched.
-_-
im not usually good at sacasm so hopefully you caught all that.
I prefer not to be so complicated. And I prefer you to not be so freaked out. We're all part of that "six degrees of separation" thing anyway. Might as well start off with eachother.
Ok I have to go to class.
BTW.
Note to nice guy who thanked merryl for getting him fresh brownie goo and then said hi going up the steps to dykstra…
You really made some people's days and I hope someone makes yours too.
Chapter I lost count. Speaking of being nice.
I hold doors open and I push in chairs.
But, to the:
People that hold the door open for me (anyone) when I'm still almost a mile away from the door.
Thank you thank you thank you.
People that hold the elevator for me (anyone) when I'm still just only entering the building.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Because you have inspired me to go beyond and do the same and I feel like a better person already.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure? measure a year
in daylights,
in sunsets,
in midnights,
in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in a life?
how about love?
measure in love
so thank you all who made this a wonderful year. lets do it again shall we?
in daylights,
in sunsets,
in midnights,
in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in a life?
how about love?
measure in love
so thank you all who made this a wonderful year. lets do it again shall we?
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