the real "G8"

June 22 - i face the truth

alright so this part comes right out of my journal/diary/"johnny angel"

" So, my mom wants me to be a doctor. Apparently its like her dream, but I keep laughing it off. So then she asks me if i want to be a lawyer. I said, 'NO WAY.'

I was thinking, why no way? Cutting to the chase, being a lawyer would mean being in charge of people's lives. And that's the same with being a doctor. It's no joke. You really can not mess up. Why would anyone put themselves under that pressure?

Thinking of that, i realized, I'm living a very sheltered life. Maybe we all are, us kiddies. I don't know anything about what its like to have responsibilities that are bigger than finishing my homework, what its like to make mistakes that can cost you your life or someone elses, instead of costing u a petty argument between friends or a few points on a test. I dont know anything about what its like to really make a difference.

On sidenote, i think the phrase 'make a difference' is almost as overused and abused as 'i love you'."

Going back, all that responsibility is probably why being a doctor or lawyer is so great. It can't just be anyone and i realize that. Sure, life is a lot better becasue of the dude frying my burger patties. But how much better? I always say, yeah i want to make a difference, but i never thought about how much maturity it took to REALLY make a difference. Not just maturity, but how much risk, how much gut. You need, well yeah, some brain... but everyone can think these thoughts. What you need is some REAL BALLS.

And as fall as i know, i don't know anything about real balls. I'm scared to make a real difference in people's lives. they're fucking lives. Lawyers, doctors, firefighters, and all them. They have what i call JOBS. Why should you let yourself hide in a cubicle all your life! Because you're safe there. I dunno. I need a break.

Thanks for listening journal...haha like you have anything better to do.

-i want a job where i can go, come back, and be done with it. enjoy myself.

-but those hours spent doing what.... what do they mean for me? At the end of the day i will have done nothing for anyone REALLY. But that's so safe.

-that's me now. thats high school thats college. not knowing REAL pressure...pressing increase pressure decrease of someones blood flowing erroneously through a clogged artery... THAT'S PRESSURE! ... not knowing real responsibility..... she's fucking going to go to jail for 20 years if you dont get her the fuck out of this mess.... that's RESPONSIBILITY.

i do not know.

i used to think that being a high school principal used to be like a real job... according to my new definition. however, being in USB and being with ryan our class president. seeing all the injustice in our own school that probably goes unseen. the students dont even know what they're missing out on becasue all they know is what they have. they dont, might not, know what there could be, should be, if only the "adults" on campus would care a little. take some uh..i dunno... real responsiblity? make um..i dunno... a difference?? not be afraid to be under some presssure for once? losing faith in adults here...

but of course i think of those adults that are really doing what they should... and i dunno. maybe if the people that HAVE balls spent them somewhere else... like at our schools! then EVERYTHING would be better.

ok diary i know i'm not making ANY sense whatsoever anymore because, what is it.... oh yeah 3:00 in the morning.... now i'm just going to put in coldplay and go. to. sleep.

-Lo

ps.

ok even coldplay is making more of a difference. "

so yeah that was that. somehow it went from me realizing how we students for the most part have no idea about anything to me hating chickens. uh yeah.

so all u know about the big G8 thing coming up. Seeing as how they have this meeting every year and the world really doesnt seem to be getting better... whenever i hear mention of this G8 thing i just imagine eight old guys in suits golfing, eating tea and crumpets, jumping into indoor pools, playing twister, getting massages and just having a Goddam Good Getaway for Grey Guys to Golf and Get massages while they Gab about nothing.

"world" leaders..