closing the trunk

"is it still me that makes you sweat am i who you think about in bed"

that is so steamy.


Anyway. Graduation is coming up, and quite quickly i must add. It's funny because i've always been the one saying that i never want to leave. ive never wanted to leave my family, my friends, my place at school, my school, my history, my city, my experiences, my security, my .... you get the point.

And there have been people, some of them my very close friends, that since the moment i met them, have been desperately waiting for the day they would finally be able to leave everything. Especially diamond bar.

It would be in those moments that i would defend (to the death if it had been necessary) the wonders of diamond bar our quaint little town. I knew i'd be leaving some day, so i might as well spend what time i am here, loving it, defending it, living the most out of it.

Now the time is here, and i am the one that wants to leave. my friend, who has ALWAYS wanted to leave, doesnt.

funny.

Knowing that graduation is upon us is a strong whip of reality, for many of us. Always trying to leave, now they get the chance, and its, well, scary. Its kind of like how some people always talk about fighting that one guy, as soon as that guys takes up the challenge, you kind of dont want to fight anymore. some of us.

I go around alot now, saying that i want to jet off to college already. because in many ways i do. im excited about alumni scholars club and even more about regent scholars society, im excited that i already know people on the board and im excited about all the stuff i'll be able to get involved with. jon already called dibs on me for his outreach program. already! thats what i mean! i'm just so excited about the future. im so enthused about the opportunities that ive spent that last four years collecting, and now i get to juice those opportunities for all they're worth. i'm excited about dorm life, dorm food, wearing flip flops in my room, getting lost in lectures, and bumping into a few good people now and then. plus its just UCLA.... like i've always called it, its like the disneyland of all colleges. of course i'm excited!! yes. im even excited about getting...."sexiled". hahahahahahaaaaaa ...... ew.

heres the thing though.

even though im so looking forward to ... the future... (what else do you look forward to..? rhetorical question) every day that i come closer to that moment, i spend one more day creating a past. a past has definitely been and will always be one of a kind, and unforgettable.

its funny how ive never liked cliffkiis. (my english teacher). i promised that whenever i came back to visit, i woudl NOT visit her. but now, i take that back. sure, we dont do jack-squat in that class, and i totally failed my ap lit test greatly due to this woman, i realized, im probably not going to get another chance, nor is any other teacher going to give me another chance, to have "discussion" about the book we're (supposedly) reading in class (because we knooooow we have not read a single book in the class... and as marselis has soundly suggested... we MUST invest in sparknotes stock!!) ..and then end up going off on a tangent about the differences between men and women.. (!?)

yeah. i doubt i will get to do that again.

so, the last time i was sitting in cliffskiis class, i kind of just sat there, looking around, and it really hit me hard how much i was going to miss EVERYTHING. even cliffskiis.

im going to miss table groups, a lot, ohhh man. im going to miss table groups.
i'm going to miss when eugene walks in late like nothing happened and cliffskiis totally just lets it slide. or when julie walks in even later with her hair all up in curlers, looking like a broccoli, and cliffskiis simply commenting, "choir?" i'm going to miss exactly that, how we all knew everyone, what theire lives were about, how everything was always known. curlers=choir. like, its so simple
.
im going to miss class discussions on... jibberish. im going to miss getting excited over hot asian male model substitutes. i'm going to miss trying to be adventurous" and sneaking out of the classroom ("without a hall pass!!!!") behind the subs back to go visit my physics teacher. im going to miss getting excited over substitutes in general. and hall passes.

whens the next time i'm gonna use a hall pass?

i'm going to miss trying to sneak food with kell during class. cuz we wont have to sneak it anymore. how boring.

i'm going to miss having to pay attention to both what cliffskiis is saying and whats going on next to me, which is how far marselis has gotten on solving his rubix cube with his coaches rod and lester watching.

in fact im going to miss lester and marselis a lot as it is.

good thing rod is coming to ucla.

i'm going to miss how ryan could make the most disrespectful yet comical remarks in cliffskiis class, and all cliffskiis woudl do is say, "watch it lau" while all of us were filling the room with our hysterical laughter.

whens the next time anyone is going to fill a whole classroom with hysterical laughter?

i'm going to miss going to lunch, with music blaring from somewhere... and know, after four years of the same thing every year, exactly why it was playing and where it was coming from.

i'm going to miss going to the usb room, and just lounging around, lying on the counter next to the sink, talking with alice, anna, ryan, jonathan, or just whoever was there.

in fact, im just going to miss the way any of us could pretty much, after knowing each other from some time, somehwere over the past 12 years, pick up a conversation just like that.

and im going to miss how while i would be lounging around with my friends, tony would walk by, or leslie would walk by, and i'd be able to say "hi", to them or to virtually just, anyone, that walked by.

i'm going to miss being late to lunch, because i'm telling ms hewitt about my next big life decision. and im going to miss teasing alex for spending lunch telling bad mexican jokes to mr. ladesma.

im going to miss "talking" to my teachers in general.

sigh.

and im going to miss rallies. and class competitions, and spirit days, and international week, and and and and


and im gonna go cry now.

and i will cry not because these things will soon be locked into the trunk labeled past, but cry because i have so many things to put in the trunk that it has become almost impossible to close.