"marriage"

its the name of a poem by Gregory Corso. beat poet.

haha yeah i'm into them.




Should I get married? Should I be Good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustaus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky--

When she introduces me to her parents
back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie,
should I sit knees together on their 3rd degree sofa
and not ask Where's the bathroom?
How else to feel other than I am,
often thinking Flash Gordon soap--
O how terrible it must be for a young man
seated before a family and the family thinking
We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou!
After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living?
Should I tell them? Would they like me then?
Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter
but we're gaining a son--
And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?

O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends
and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded
just waiting to get at the drinks and food--
And the priest! He looking at me if I masturbated
asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?
And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue!
I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back
She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha!
And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on--

then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes
Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates!
All streaming into cozy hotels
All going to do the same thing tonight
The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen
The lobby zombies they knowing what
The whistling elevator man he knowing
The winking bellboy knowing
Everybody knowing! I'd be almost inclined not to do anything!
Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye!
Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon!
running rampant into those almost climatic suites
yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel!
O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy a saint of divorce--

But I should get married I should be good
How nice it'd be to come home to her
and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen
aproned young and lovely wanting by baby
and so happy about me she burns the roast beef
and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair
saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf!
God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married!
So much to do! like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night
and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books
Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower
like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence
like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest
grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky!
And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him
When are you going to stop people killing whales!
And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle
Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust--

Yet if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow
and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn,
up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me,
finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man
knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear not Roman coin soup--
O what would that be like!
Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus
For a rattle bag of broken Bach records
Tack Della Francesca all over its crib
Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib
And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon

No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father
not rural not snow no quiet window
but hot smelly New York City
seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls
a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job!
And five nose running brats in love with Batman
And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired
like those hag masses of the 18th century
all wanting to come in and watch TV
The landlord wants his rent
Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus
Impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking--
No! I should not get married and I should never get married!
But--imagine if I were to marry a beautiful sophisticated woman
tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves
holding a cigarette holder in one hand and highball in the other
and we lived high up a penthouse with a huge window
from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days
No I can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream--

O but what about love? I forget love
not that I am incapable of love
it's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes--
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and--
but there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All in the universe married but me!

Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible--
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so I wait--bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.

70 questions to end the night

1. Are you in a relationship?
plenty! hahah no no

2. Do you hate more than three people?
no

3. How many houses have you lived in?
one house

4. What is your favorite candy bar?
twix. you can share them! what a novelty.

5. What are your favorite shoes?
converse. those really were the first shoes ever that fit me the first time i tried them on.

now i sound like i have awkward feet.

6. Have you ever tripped someone?
yea.

8. What was your favorite summer trip this year?
the trip i'm taking into the deep recesses of my mind to retrieve such valuable information with which i meticulously answer each of these questions.

haha

venice beach probably. the only real trip i took. lol, besides the trip i took over my boombox which was sitting in the middle of the family room for what reason!?!?!!!!

9. Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
yeah. and oh man, it "drives me CRAAAAZYYY"


10. Have you ever thrown up in public?
i was really little and i threw up on my doctor. tongue depressors were never my thing. this tongue was not meant to be depressed. no ones is.


11. Name someone that's ALWAYS on your mind.
julian casablancas haha. its sad that i'm actually being serious too.

12. What is your favorite music genre?
hmm..
its more like, specific songs. rock i guess.

13. What is your sign?
peace.

haha
libra. which is just as good.

14. What time were you born?
it was right after midnight

15. Do you like beer?
i cant like it, buuuuut i like how it looks all frothy/foamy at the top in the commercials. and i like those thick glasses with the handles that they serve it in in the commercials too.

16. Have you ever made a prank call?
yessum oh man.

17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
i'd tell you but then i'd have to kill you. actually you know what? laugh at me. dream street. pre-pubescent voices totally turn me on.

18. Are you sarcastic?
have you been reading my answers?

19. What is your favorite color?
okay. there is this nailpolish i have. its called "rouge coquet".
basically, it is the hottest most sensual color i have ever seen in my life. and i love it. its the deepest shade of red. and maroon. oh gosh it makes me crazy. it really does. it's so... mmhmm oh boy.

20. How many watches do you own?
three

21. Summer or Winter?
winter

22. Spring or fall?
fall

23. What is your favorite color to wear?
red

24. Pepsi or Sprite?
neither neither.

this has nothing to do with this. but i dont care. i just realized what cutesy names "pepsi" and "sprite" are. sprites are supposed to be nymph like creatures right? what the heck. whatever.

25. What color is your cell phone?
silver

26. Wheres your second home?
i guess it was the usb room. meh. probably sarah's house

27. Have you ever slapped someone?
yea yea

28. Have you ever had a cavity?
knock on wood no

29. How many lamps are in your bedroom?
2

30. How many video games do you own?
zero. its more fun beating people on theirs. haha. sigh. hm i feel like playing now.

31. What was your first pet?
goldfish =)

32. Have you ever had braces?
nope

33. Do looks matter?
well to me, if you have an aj mclean voice, i truly and honestly could care less. other than that, just have a clean face. and if i were to speak of the dealings of the rest of the world, sadly but truly yes they matter to some extent. which pisses me off.

34. Do you use Chapstick?
carmex

36. American Eagle or Abercrombie?
i wouldnt know

37. Are you too forgiving?
no

38. How many children do you want?
i'll think about that later

39. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
i cant think of anything at the moment

40. What is your favorite breakfast?
continental. with pancakes and those potato square thingies my dad makes.

41. Do you own a gun?
water pistol! hahahaha bushraaaa GREASE

42. What was the last thing you ate?
pad thai

43. When was the last time you cried?
it was earlier this month

44. What did you do 3 days ago?
get mad at my brother for giving me a "screw you" type of "okay" and not an "i understand" type of okay. haha

45. When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?
i was a baby

46. Have you ever called your teacher mom?
i think once in the third grade.

48. What are your nicknames?
sam. mia. lo ling. samish. g.

49. Do you know anyone named Bertha?
no that would be cool though

50. Have you ever been to Kentucky?
aw no =(

51. Do you own something from Banana Republic?
nope

52. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
myself. thanks to you mr/ms survey.

54. Do you smoke?
nope

55. Do you own a diamond ring?
nope

56. Are you happy with your life right now?
almost

57. Do you dye your hair?
nope

58. Does anyone like you?
well i should hope so! hahaha whoooo knowwwwwsss

59. Who's your best friend(s)?
alex allen anna. i have more but their names dont start with "A" and only have two syllables. but they know who they are. and they accept my ocd.

60. What were you doing May of 1994?
oh yay i get to pull out my diaries! hm lets see.............
aw dang my first ever diary entry was written in august of 1994. oh well. lets see. i was probably at home playing with my brother and singing songs with my mother while my dad watched us through the camcorder.

61. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
if you know me. you know this is a very stupid question. especially since i told you that nothing matters to me if you have an aj mclean voice.


i get to be random again because this survey is lame.
aj mclean's voice is probably as hot as "rouge coquet". or vice versa.
and just becuase i think aj mclean's voice is... freaking hot, doesn't mean his type of voice is like, the ONLY type of voice i think is aurally pleasing. whatever i'm just going to go on to the next question.

62. McDonald's or Wendy's?
wendy's

63. Do you like yourself?
most of the time

64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
depends

65. Favorite feature(s) of the opposite sex?
their quirks. their voice. and when they're really good at something. but mostly their quirks/antics.

im going to share again because i was just reminded of something.
alex once told me, back in the seventh grade, that the things you most admire in other people are the things that you most admire in yourself.

haha im gonna think about that a while

66. Are you afraid of the dark?
ok. when its all dark around me, im not scared really. but when there is light in one isolated spot, and then darkness all around, then i get a little scared. but its mostly all in my head.

67. Have you ever eaten paste?
paste? hahaha im sorry. ihavent used that word in the longest time. what do we call "paste" nowadays ?

68. Do you have a webcam?
nope

69. Have you ever stripped?
yeah every night before going to bed
ha.
allen would like that.
i miss allen.
allen i miss you.

70. What are you looking forward to the most this week?
finishing "on the road" hopefully.
oh. and niko's letter! woo


goodnight =)

air (feel good)

May 14, 2006?

Yeah... I think that's the date

Dear Johnny,

Hmm, today my mom opened my window.
Wow. It feels so good. Wow... the power of fresh air. No, I'm not kidding. It does make me feel that good.

In all honesty, I think that a lot of how I am so enjoying this fresh air, softly billowing into my room right now, has a lot to do with how I'm in my room. Sure, I appreciate and enjoy the great outdoors, all in its natural splendor, boundless grounds and plentiful fresh air. But that's the thing... it's "the great outdoors," where everything is so abundant and available that its easy to forget every smaller figment of what is there; like, air.

So now, that I sit here, in my room surrounded by all the wonders of 21st century electronica and other wonders of the ever-flourishing concrete jungle, when that strong-but-still-ethereal gentleness of that wind, in all its purity and humility, drifts in . . . that's when I've finally noticed it. That's when I finally feel air and see, that it really is something to think about.


Thank God for windows.


Thanks for listening
-Lo Ling

30

Post 30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself.
i did this before i'll do it again

1. What does your mySpace name mean?
Lo Ling. ok so sometimes when i REALLY laugh out loud to something while chatting with a friend online, i'll tell them "omg i'm really LoL-ing". so one time i was iming with my friend and he made me LoL and i started typing all crazy and then i said "i'm Lo Ling"

then he asked, "who's Lo Ling"

i'm lo ling.

2. Elaborate on your default photo:
another marvelous shot by ana zoo. this was at grad night and we were bored in line and i think bryan was drunk off of rain and he attempted to grab jessica montris butt and i was frozen in terror cuz i mean cmon its bryan. haha i love em all.

3. Do you drink?
yes. dont you.
that was lame. no i dont drink alcoholic beverages.

4. What's your current relationship status?
i have many relationships

5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
brahma sweats and my "ryan is my favorite" campaign shirt woo. i already miss high school.

6. What is your current problem?
i'm addicted to the Strokes.

7. What do you love most?
"this is life" moments mixed in with a little (or a lot) of soc.

8. What makes you most happy?
Reptilia at 3 am with domoniko

9. Are you musically inclined?
yes

10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would you change?
my dad's health

11. If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
those spiders that can walk on water. or a pigeon.

12. Ever had a near death experience?
im guessing no. knowing me, if i had a near death experience, i'd prolly stress myself out over to the death experience part.

13. Have you ever been in love?
last time i answered this i said "yeah. but its different." but. i think i love to varying degrees. something so temporary as "in" love hasnt really been an option yet.

14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head?
who will save your soul

15. Who did you cut and paste this from?
myself

16. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
keli'i who stole my eraser in the 1st grade. yes i still remember that and i remember him.

17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
probably. without meaning to.

18. Have you ever been in a fight?
yeah. i won.

19. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
yes.

20. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
his style

21. What do you usually order from McDonalds?
mcflurry/fries

22. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
haha. i have problems okay.

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
in 8th grade. i looked like j.lo. according to susan and sam.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
occasionally yeah. okay. recess school's out is the best movie ever.

26. Did you have braces?
nope

27. Are you comfortable with your height?
yeah. lets spoon.
random.

29. Do you speak any other languages?
yayuhhh por supuesto, dhonobad for asking.

30. Do you have a crush on someone on your myspace?
ha crushes.
sure.