Mmmmhm. The title of today's post is a play off of one of my current fixes (as seen in side panel ;-D ) , "Turn Your Lights Down Low" by Bob Marley and Lauryn Hill (and fantastically covered by my permanent fix, MissCarolinexoxo & her cousin Lexoxo).
Alright on to the juicy stuff.
Quite recently my friend Randy's (yes his name has been changed to protect his identity) girlfriend asked him to upload some new pictures of himself onto Facebook. She's overseas right now and I guess that's what long distance couples do to keep their overseas relationships, uh, afloat... (I had to!)
That was all fine and good, until Randy realized that all his new pictures involve him posing with, dun dun... OTHER GIRLS!
...
So I guess at this point you're either asking "What's the problem?" or saying "What the F*CK! Jerk!"
So who's reaction is right?
After listening to Randy's musings about his girlfriend for long enough now, I've developed a strong persona of her in my mind as the jealous type. Jokingly, Randy, who has rarely if ever cropped a Facebook picture, mused that he might just have to take up cropping (at the same time making a jab at my own recent cropped facebook pictures... "Jerk!" ;P).
As he says this, I started wondering. So what does this situation mean for Randy's relationship?While he sits cropping his pictures, or rather, not uploading them at all, feeling like the petty truths of the pictures are ones that must be kept from his ladyfriend, does this mean that Long Distance Lady isn't the girl for him? Or does this mean that Randy is a considerate boyfriend who has simply chosen to avert needless conflict for the sake of maintaining the grace of his relationship and his partner's peace of mind? Is that right? I always thought the basis of any strong relationship as we know is honesty and open communication. So what's the deal here.
I remember about two years ago when one of my best male friends started dating his now-girlfriend. We were planning our quarterly dinner and I asked, "That's cool with your girl right?" He responded with a confident, secure, almost "duh" response, saying "Of course, she wouldn't be my girlfriend if it wasn't okay." I met her shortly after, and to this day I can't and will not picture him with anyone better.
On the other hand, there was that time when Eva Longoria began being spotted an "alarming" number of times out with JC Chasez after her marriage to Tony Parker, to which my friend Ashley responded, "That is not right. After a certain point you cant just go out with your guy friends one on one anymore. You have to respect your relationship." I do understand and agree that marriage is sacrifice, and taking a step back, not just marriage but any working relationship. However, Eva hung out with JC and guess what, Eva is still married to Tony Parker and as far as we know, they are well and dandy. Not everyone is Brad and Angelina...
In his defense, Randy tells me that his girlfriend has acknowledged that she is the jealous type and has expressed that she herself has chosen the path of "ignorance is bliss." According to him, she wouldn't want to see the pictures, so he's not going to show her!
Eh.
And I think that's fine. Not saying that's how I would do it, but just that I think it's fine, for them. (I'd have him post the pictures... so I'd know which girls to tell to watch their backs later... JUST KIDDING.) As my friend Jo said, Lady Long Distance would have to be delusional to think that Randy has no female friends. By carefully considering what pictures to post, Randy would really only be keeping from her things that she already knows, but would rather not have to see. In essence, not hiding the truth or closing open communication, but rather simply, not pushing one's buttons. Maybe having some other girls in your picture doesn't push your girl's buttons. Maybe it does. As my other friend Daryl pointed out, for all we know it could bother Randy's girlfriend even more that he doesn't wear green. (Why Daryl picked green, I don't know.) But with the diversity that comes with that which we call ourselves human, every relationship is bound to be different, and I'd only hope that there would be deeper issues by which one would decide who is truly right for them. In the meantime, I have resolved that Randy was not hiding things, and neither does this situation have really anything to say about his future with Lady Long Distance. Feel free to agree or disagree, as I leave myself free to change my mind as well. I also dont think I will be responding with either a "What's the problem" or a "What the f--," but rather,
Good luck =)
Things that came up today:
- "Nobody Knows It But Me" by Babyface
- awesome pink WebCam for which part of the cost goes to breast cancer research (and it's all mine!!)
- equally awesome Pink HP Wireless Laser Mini Mouse
- Giselle still got it
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